Gaps. Holes.

The mind has a lot of weird defense mechanisms, but from a certain perspective they all make sense, even when they are labelled disorders.

As someone who was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder a few years ago, I know how devastating it can be when the "memory bubble" bursts and you have to integrate all that shit that you pushed away for ages.

But something like this changes you.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Why do you think you need to break the defense?
Just curiosity? Your first post sounds a little like something triggered a flashback or a similar experience.

I also once asked a shrink to do that, but she said that I should really reconsider. She would just have a crying wreck in her office and neither of us would gain something from it.

Well, I reconsidered and ended therapy a few sessions from then.

There's nowhere I can't reach.