eHarmony.

Anyone else so pathetically desperate to meet people that they used this (or some other online matchmaking service)? I decided last month to do their 3-month subscription ($110; guaranteed 3 matches or they add on another 3 months and keep doing it until you get 3 matches) and I finally got my first match today. Unfortunately, she lives in Redwood City, CA. Uhhhh...I'm desperate to meet teh ladies, but not so much about moving/flying to the other corner of the country to do so. That will probably end up being a wasted match. I guess I should've left the settings at "search in my metropolitan area (60 miles)".

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I guess it's a step in the right direction that I was at least accepted. Too bad I don't think I'll get many matches with the criteria I've laid out and based on my personality (hey, self-confidence...what?).

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by valiant

Wierd how they set you up with someone far away in california

You can choose certain distances for them to search for matches across, and the feeling at the time was I'd just be limiting myself even more than I would already if I didn't search the entire country. At least I'm not searching the globe, but if the point is to find someone you would be most right for love then you'd best understand the circumstances that it would take for you to end up meeting and/or being with this person. As such, I'm not exactly in the best of economic situations and I am trying to go to school so to move out to California and just try to settle into whatever sort of life I would have is a little more ballsy than anyone would tell me to be.

More to the point: I've been subscribed since February 5 and I've only just found one match. eHarmony doesn't hold back on matches (they promise to find you at least 3 matches on the 3-month subscription, so if they find more they should be giving them to you) so it's pretty obvious I can't be much pickier about my preferences which you don't really have much control over. You can choose the distance, religion, age range, how many children they have, ethnicity, between smokers and drinkers or not, and aptitude for children. Everything else is up to your "Personality Profile".

How ya doing, buddy?

My cousin moved over there recently, and he seems to enjoy it. I don't think he's made any lady friends yet, though, which is a bummer.

Double Post:
P.S.: her name is Sugar. And she's white/non-Hispanic. That better be a pet name. :eyebrow:

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Here's the Dopefish Theory of Meeting Internet Buddies: the distance needed to travel is directly proportional to the number of eyebrows you'll raise when telling people you're meeting someone you met online. Feel free to disprove it, because I know many people on GFF have met each other.

Care to elaborate on what you went through, Minion?

How ya doing, buddy?

God created man; man created computers; therefore, vicariously, God created computers.

Your problem is what now?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

BTW I'm atheist. pwnt.

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I'm serious about her name being Sugar, BTW. If that's her legal first name I don't know if I'd want to be in a relationship with her...I can just imagine it:

Me to a friend at a party, or something: Hey, I want you to meet my girlfriend! She's standing over there...Sugar?
*Sugar comes over*
Me: This is my friend, blahdy-blah.
*Sugar and Blahdy-blah shake hands. Moment of silence.*
Blahdy-blah: So, are you going to tell me her name?
Me: Oh, it's Sugar.
*Blahdy-blah stifles a laugh, I look down at the floor in shame and Sugar plans to kill herself in her sleep*

At least I know what a metasyntactic variable is.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by MetheGelfling

Dopefish, has your match contacted you? Can you reset your profile or criteria or whatever to search closer to home? Let us know how the whole thing pans out since Minion isn't sharing.

Unless she opts for "FastTrack" (which allows you to skip eHarmony's step-by-step shit and get right down to e-mails, which I didn't choose) what's going to happen is she's going to answer and then ask me 5 of 40 multiple-choice questions, then we'll send each other our "Must Have's and Can't Stand's" (10 things that you'd most want and not want in a partner), then we'll pick another 5 questions for each other, then we'll get down to e-mails. I'm betting that she's nothing like me in that I could sit here and wait and wait for her to answer my questions and send her's. Not that I'm really anxious about what could happen, but I've got nothing better to do.

And yes, I could change the criteria but the only thing I changed was my religious preferences. I had Judaism and Islam as two religions I'd go for, but I don't know if her entire family would be content with her being in a relationship with an atheist. I've scaled back to Christianity, religious or spiritual but non-denominational, and neither religious or spiritual, and hope that the lack of emphasis I placed on religious beliefs when answering the super-survey questions will be sufficient for keeping the devoutly religious at bay.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Neither of us have any pictures available.

I don't understand the question you asked, probably because it wasn't worded properly. :?

Maybe this will clear it up: the must have's and can't stands are the top 10 qualities you choose from a list of about 50 must have's and 30 can't stands about your partner.

Believe me, if she was hot and had very little about her that appealed to me, I'd probably not pursue anything too aggressively. I'm getting the feeling, though, that she probably isn't all too smart, since:

• two of the three things she's thankful for are "music" (hooray for rhythmic melodies existing?) and "california" (hooray for manifest destiny?);
• the one thing she's most passionate about is "music and photography" (note: that's two things, and she's being slightly redundant);
• the most influential person in her life has been "her high school teacher" (I don't know about you, but I had more than one).

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

OK, say she sends you her "can't stand" list, and on it you see "doesn"t like spicy food". You HATE spicy food, but you're so anxious to meet her that you lie and say that you love spicy food. What's to stop you from doing that?

Was that worded better?

The Must Have's and Can't Stand's are adjectives that describe your ideal partner, not peeves and likes.

How ya doing, buddy?

Because you send your lists simultaneously.

Why the fuck would I want to lie? I'm not that desperate (lies; I'm using eHarmony FFS), especially not to meet someone on the other side of the continent.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Well you probably know the answer to your question without me saying it: you can lie all you want, if you want to. I don't think most people would spend $100+ just to lie about who they are and not genuinely try to meet someone, but there's plenty of con artists out there too. Who knows; perhaps Sugar is one of them. Maybe I'm one. I don't suppose if we never meet we'll ever know for sure.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Apparently their test weeds out a huge percentage of the people who take it, so it's probably not that you're weird (though you can certainly claim that if you want ) but that they're trying to be picky. (If you're not lying, that is. )

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Alice, they give you your match based on the personality profile that's compiled from the super-survey they pose to you before you even get the chance to subscribe. It's from that that they match you up with a person they suppose you'll be compatible with, and then you go through the questions.

If you need an idea of the type of questions involved and the answers, here's what I asked:

1. Would you rather date someone who is
   1. very busy, with a sometimes chaotic schedule, who books time with you in advance
   2. busy, with a structured schedule, you know what days the person will be available for fun
   3. slightly busy, who works during the day and is available most nights
   4. not busy and has lots of free time
2. What is your opinion of committed long-distance relationships?
   1. they are manageable
   2. they can work for a predetermined period of time
   3. they are only feasible for a short period of time
   4. they are impossible for any length of time
3. How do you feel about relocating for a relationship?
   1. If I met the right person, I would do whatever I needed to do to move and be with them.
   2. I would not want to move...but if it were the only way to be together I would do it.
   3. I would not be able to move under any circumstances.
4. Do you enjoy debating the issues of the day with your partner?
   1. I hate to debate about anything.
   2. Occasionally I don't mind a friendly debate, but I don't really enjoy it.
   3. As long as we don't get too intense, I enjoy a good discussion about general issues.
   4. I find it stimulating to debate various "issues of the day" with my partner and love it.
5. What is your opinion on your mate having opposite sex friendships?
   1. I believe both partners should have and actively pursue opposite sex friendships.
   2. I'm comfortable with a few well-established opposite sex friendships.
   3. I don't mind opposite sex friends for my mate as long as I'm included in the socializing.
   4. I would probably be uncomfortable with my mate having opposite sex friendships.

See, the trouble with lying is that you could lie correctly or incorrectly. I already know what answers I would want to see, so if she gets all 5 right then more power to her.

FELIPE NO

I decided to Close the match with Sugar because I'm looking for someone who isn't hundreds of miles away from me.

How ya doing, buddy?

Well I had put it at within 60 miles to begin with, but after about a month of no responses I put it up to the country, which turned into a wasted match. I had also changed the religion settings to include Judaism and Islam, but rolled back to Christianity for the aforementioned reason of possible family conflict. Not that love doesn't conquer all, but I've already had a hard enough time finding a possible match on both eHarmony and in real life and the smoother and simpler things go when I do find one, the nicer.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Minion

What is the difference between randomly meeting people in a public setting and (not so) randomly meeting people the computer picks for you? This is the question that none of you have been able to answer so far.

Maybe some people get off on the possible(?) excitement generated from randomly walking up to someone and trying to score with them, instead of being matched up with a person you have a better chance than not at being compatible with.

There's nowhere I can't reach.