tl;dr

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

You're still on about this Erin chick? Mark my words: LOST CAUSE.

Being the Patron Saint Of Lost Causes, I was summoned to this thread by Sass's iteration of that statement.

Heres the long and short of it: Hire a hooker.

Women are insane. They bitch and they bleed from the crotch without having kicked them in the gut. They love your money but won't love you. They may love your cock if you're black or hung like one. They say they don't play games but the ones that say that are just doing a feint before the bayonette charge.

They're listless and argumentative. For ever woman that says men are pigs and cheat - theres another woman out there sucking that husband's meatpole. They're hypocritical, bitchy, manipulative and overlyemotional like a season's worth of PMS on Dawson's Creek.

I speak from horrible, dark experiences involving women. For every girl that sucked me off at a playground and rode me after, the same girl would do something stupid like get gangbanged or suck some dude off underwater while in Aruba or get knocked up by someone else. For every woman that hemmed and hawed at me - see-sawing the whole relationship, eventually drove me to tell her I'd be digging up her father's cancer ridden corpse and leave it on her doorstep if she didn't leave me the fuck alone.

For all the women I dated I never realized how good I had it with one of them - and then lost her to someone else (though thats a serious understatement) and for the last three women I dated - they all married the guy they met after me.

Women are human like everyone else. They're also useless, breeding shitbags like everyone else. They hate and dream and fuck and spit and scuttle about their lives not unlike any other animal or very much like cockroaches.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Ugh. Dogfish Head's raison beer is AWFUL. It's like drinking raisins! I like raisins but not as a drink.

However, they have an awesome beer that escapes me. It's something like 24% alcohol, $7.99 per (regular sized) bottle. My friends and I would buy one and split it in the parking lot and walk into the bar with a heavy buzz already going.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I like how LeHah came in here and totally made it about him.

All things in all manners apply to me.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Minion - I find that caffeine and sugar ENHANCE my socialibility. I don't even know if thats a word.

See, not having my coffee in the morning makes me really irritable. It's the same thing with not having smoked in year - I'm fucking wound up and charging toward heart failure because of stress, not because of smoking.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I won't leave home without SOME form of water to drink. I am completely ANAL about my water being around me constantly.

You're one of those fucking morons? Jesus Christ, I'm going to start bottling air and sounds and sell them at gigantic prices for you jerks

How ya doing, buddy?

Why was this thread closed?

And then reopened?

I was speaking idiomatically.