You cook?

I can cook, but I tend to specialize in the sorts of thing that'll kill me.

For instance, there's something I like to make called a scotch egg. To make, you buy some sausage meat and a half dozen eggs. Hardboil the eggs to doneness, and then take off the shell. Proceed to wrap the eggs with the sausage meat, and then deep fry two at a time to golden deliciousness. Palm oil tastes the best, but canola / vegatable oil works too. When they're all done, serve with home fries and generous amounts of maple syrup.

It's the greatest thing ever to eat in the morning with a nice glass of chocolate milk, assuming it doesn't kill you due to the massive unhealthiness and all.

Jam it back in, in the dark.