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 Member 336 Level 19.24 Mar 2006 
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My [real] Angst [hueg liek xbox]
6 years ago, my brother was beat-up at school during the "recess" break.
No one knows for sure what happened that day, the cops, the Private Investigators (more about this later), children involved, children who witnessed the act of (At least in my opnion: extreme) violence, and teachers varies with each statement. The result of the violence, was that my brother suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury to his Frontal Lobe. http://www.neuroskills.com/tbi/injury.shtml http://www.neuroskills.com/tbi/bfrontal.shtml (References if anybody needs them or wants to learn more.) I came home from High School (my brother was 12, I was 14) and had just found out that my brother was beat-up at school. He had a concusion and a broken nose... Nobody knew for sure how bad the damage was. At least, I didn't. I was 14, imature, and to be honest, I couldn't really comprehend what had just happened and what would unfold during the years to come. If only I had known then, what I know now. After the attack, my brother was a complete wreck. He was literally, almost retarded. He was pretty much "shellshocked" as well. He was like a girl, who had been raped ten times. He was afraid of everything. When there would be a knock on the door, he would hide in his closet. He would walk around in his underwear and a construction helmet. My brother had regressed, his mentality was that of a 6 to 8 year old. The next few weeks, my parents were under a lot of stress. I really don't know/remember what happened with the (Roman Catholic) Schoolboard except that they didn't do their job properly. My parents then took my brother to the hospital (for more x-Rays [which they also did when it happened]) and found out that my brother had suffered a Brain Injury. At the request/suggestion of our family physician we contacted a specific lawyer. After hiring a private investigator, he found out that the teacher who was supposed to be on yard duty, was having a cigarette and another teacher just stood inside the classroom and watched it all from the window. He found out that there were multiple kids involved, yet one took the blame, and was sentenced to six months of probation as he was only 12... There has been an ongoing lawsuit with the Roman Catholic schoolboard, for over 5 years. It's supposed to end this summer, but I doubt it will. Also, because of the type of person I am, I cannot do anything unless there is closure, and I've been waiting on this for 5 years. My parents have lost their house, ruined themselves (emotionally and physically) and ran up a bill of over $750,000 with the lawyer, within the first 6 months of the lawsuit. It seems as if my entire life rides shotgun with this bitch. My brother is now 19, and still acts like he's 12-14... He is essentially not the same brother I grew up with. The lawsuit, well it's expected that I should end up with $300,000-$500,000. $300,000 with a theoretical 25% interest, that's $75,000 a year. Or, $1,875 ("working" 40 hours) a week... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was bullied in High School, mainly to do with my brother. I was eventually told by the Principal that if I did not like or could not handle what people said to me, then "to stay home". So, I did just that. Being 15 imature, and depressed, I figured why the fuck not. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- There were support groups for my parents, for adults, but nothing for me at the time. My parents were too stressed (obviously) and too busy with my brother (driving him for hours for appointments or constant lawyer visits...) to even notice me. I feel as if [omg linkin park time] I grew up with my Angst! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was also sent to counsellors and psychologists.. and when I told them things like "if I could support myself and live in a house in a forest away from it all, I would" and apparently this was enough to institutionalize me. I eventually became so depressed, that I tried ending my life. I ended up swallowing ninety-one 100mg Triazadone. I know the number because apparently, when you kill yourself, you count them, for some strange reason. But I digress, I lived (obviously) and was institutionalized once again, but at least this time they had a valid reason. I feel as if I'm crazy or at least that's how everyone views me. As if for thinking this way, I deserve to be institutionalized. Mind you, at 15 being stuck with meth addicts, suicidal fucks, and schizophrenics... really does a number on the way you perceive yourself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now, my mom does nothing other than sit on the computer playing Pogo online and mooching off my step-dad while bitching and complaining about him and basically picking up men online. My step-dad works, 40+ hours a week, and has to drive an hour just to get to his work... and instead of moving closer to his work... we moved further away... in the middle of nowhere.... He does nothing other than, eat, sleep, and watch porn.... He's fat... he's lazy... he does nothing... He calls my brother a retard all day long... and more... and ugh... too much typing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't even know how to explain my situation... let alone my brother and the effects of what happened... But... Basically, I feel as if the mistakes I made in the past are now coming back to bite me in the ass. I can't get a (good) job (as I have no High School diploma), I now live in the middle of nowhere (without a license and a car and a job...) and I feel as if I cannot escape the past, as if I'm backed into a corner, and as if this is the grave I (and life) have dug myself (and for me). I want to move forward (from all of this, especially the incident with my brother), but there's nothing available to me, it seems. I feel as if I have nothing to offer anybody or even show for myself except excess baggage. I hear "You're a great guy" or "You're amazing" or "You're one of the sweetest/coolest/amazing guys I've met/I know"... but for some reason, I hate hearing it, even if it may be true... This accounts for nothing in the real world. Where will being "cool" or "sweet" get me in life? The North Pole or a Candy Store? I have nothing but baggage and a ticket that says "One day you could be rich" which means nothing either... PS: I know this was basically an entire novel, but I need to get it off my chest... I need to hear suggestions... I don't care if this goes unnoticed and unread, as I already feel like it has gone unnoticed and uncared for. Jam it back in, in the dark.  |
Member 336 Level 19.24 Mar 2006
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Most amazing jew boots |
Member 336 Level 19.24 Mar 2006
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There's no need to be sorry, Nadienne.  This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. |
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