Abusive Relationships

Originally Posted by insertnamehere

sometimes that's what i think is wrong with the world when people are to stupid to leave a mental abuse. I understand physical more than mental some people are afraid to get hurt. while in mental how are you going to get hurt with words

when you love someone, their opinion means a lot to you. if you're not totally self aware and don't have the highest confidence in the world, getting shot down repeatedly will take its toll eventually.

honestly, how many of you have had something mean or hurtful said to you by someone you care about and it DIDN'T bother you in some way? imagine that happening all the time. sure it sounds easy to walk away from, but if you've somehow gotten yourself into a situation where you're constantly getting backhanded remarks, your self-esteem is going to waver and at some point you may even begin to accept the things that are being said.

that's why people stay in relationships like that. they believe what is being said and their "love" for this person clouds any capacity for logic they may have.

it's always easier to look in from the outside and say why the hell are you still with this person, but you're not the one with the emotional attachment to them. you see this all the time, like with the girl who is in a dead end relationship but refuses to break up her boyfriend because "oh but sometimes things are just fine!" and she'll make excuses to stay hoping that the "fine" days will come back despite being unhappy. it always sounds really stupid and why-are-you-doing-this-to-yourself, but in their mind it makes sense.

that's how it works with abusive relationships too, I would assume. they didn't start out abusive, it just became that way over time and the victims stay because sometimes things are just fine. mental and physical abuse go hand in hand, physical abuse just pertains to the beating, but instilling the fear in someone is mental abuse.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Devo

What if your situation never changes. What then?

well since we're dragging sass' personal life into this, I assume once she doesn't need her work to pay for college anymore, she's good to go?

Originally Posted by Soluzar

Dead? I must lead a really sheltered existance. I can't say that I realised people were ending up dead as a result of domestic violence... I know some people get pretty badly hurt as a result of it, but that's often when the "wake-up call" hits them, isn't it? Of course, I was speaking primarily of emotional abuse, which is the only kind I have any real experience of.

are you kidding me? domestic violence is pretty much the most dangerous type of situation that the police have to deal with. I assume it's because of the extreme likelyhood that someone's going to end up dead if things aren't dealt with in the best way possible.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Mental abuse in adults is for idiots who can't hold their own in my opinion. Grow a pair of balls and you'll do absolutely fine when someone shoots you down.

If someone shits on you, either express your feelings to the adult doing the shitting, or dish it right back out. If you can't handle it, go the other direction and pay no mind to morons.

I do understand what you mean by this, but really, think about what you said later on in this post. it's all in the upbringing. children grow up to be adults and if they were mentally abused as a child, they're not going to turn out as very mentally strong adults. if you were taught from the time you were a baby that you're a piece of shit and don't deserve to be treated well, then where the hell do you expect them to learn how to stand up for themselves?

what your parents teach you goes a long way, especially if they're incredibly persistent as I assume most abusers are. how else would they keep you under their thumb other than constant reminders of what your "place" is?

I do agree that people who were otherwise free of abuse during their upbringing ending up in an abusive relationship and doing nothing about it is something they'd "need to grow a pair of balls" about. they have it within their mental capacity to understand that the situation they're in is avoidable, where as someone who had lived with that their entire life won't know the difference.

people like that I can understand you having no sympathy for, but there are a lot of people out there who have suffered the abuse since they were incredibly young and unfortunately weren't as lucky as you were to learn how to stand up and defend themselves and probably didn't have someone to stand up for them either. some people just don't have any fighting spirit left in them after someone's beaten it out them repeatedly whether through psychological conditioning or physical beatings. =/

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