Tough times

I (also) don't feel comfortable sharing any uh, "interesting" stories but I can say this--aside from compromise, the thing that I really learned over time was to forget and move on easily.

In the past one mistake I've often made is I've tried to reconcile differences, or "solve" arguments. Most of the time this doesn't do any harm and can even help a bit. But sometimes, there's just nothing to solve, it was just an argument. Bringing it up just makes it worse.

At some point, you're going to fight. At some point, you're going to really hurt each other, perhaps even physically. When these things happen, and my firm belief is they they happen in every passionate relationship, you have two choices: leave if you think it's gone too far, OR stay. And that means letting it go, in some form. If you stay in a relationship but hold a grudge against the person you're with, it's just not gonna work out, and you're just delaying the inevitable, and probably hurting yourself psychologically while you're at it. (Conversely, if you're in a relationship with someone who holds a grudge against you, get out. That's never gonna work.)


EDIT: I took a long time to write that, so I didn't see your post. My experience with that kinda thing I am able to share, actually. One of the first "serious" relationships I had was like that in the months before it ended (I guess that's the opposite of what you want in this topic, but that's just the way it went). We still shared loving moments but they were few and far between, and we just didn't match very well in any way. We had some very ugly, venomous arguments (some were actually written on a piece of paper that we moved back and forth cause saying the words was too much) and in the end, she cheated on me.

More than anything, I feel we just oversaturated on eachother's presence and just got sick of it. I think that if we had given each other more space, and hadn't taken what was in fact a very frivolous relationship so seriously, we might still be together now. In fact we still get along quite well, as far as ex-girlfriend-friends go.

I don't know if you're living together with the girl or if you see each other a lot, but maybe you're being too clingy. That's one thing that tends to drive girls away, even in the long run. Perhaps some measure of space would be good, or alternatively, you can try doing what you did when you started dating. That's one thing I'm sure caused the breakup for me, I definitely became much too dependent on her.

Having said that, I don't really know how much I learned from that whole relationship experience, other than what a vagina looks like!

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Originally Posted by Windsong

Just my 2 and a half..

I found when my relationship ended with my fiance..it helped tremendously not to BE in the same environment that we shared. I moved on campus rather than off, got a new job, and visited old friends that I hadnt when I was with her. That helped bc after a breakup/divorce whatever..everything reminded me of her when I was in the same places that we shared.

Of course, its a little harder if you go to the same high school or college..

This is true and it's a large part of why girls cut their hair/change their style after a breakup. But don't prepare him for what to do after a breakup yet, that's a little too early!

As far as spending too much time together, it sounds more like the time you DO spend together (as in, really together) isn't really all that fun since you're so tired. I know that college is super important (as it was for me), but perhaps you should sacrifice it just a little bit to take her out and do some nice things with her. You may not even have to take it very far, just do something that you used to do when you were just going out like a walk in the park, or going to the coffeeshop where you met, you know, whatever. It might just rekindle the romance.

But still, sometimes it just don't work out. In fact the last relationship I was in I really couldn't explain WHY I didn't feel anything for the girl anymore after a couple months of being together, and this made it very hard to break up. She really hadn't done anything wrong other than becoming extremely clingy as I started pulling away (which made me pull away more), but I just lost any feelings I had for her. I didn't even think of her as a friend, just a complete blank. Very strange because we had had an extremely passionate relationship for those months. (I assume your relationship is a bit more substantial than what amounts to a fling of a few months, but it's just to illustrate the point.)

Well anyway... Good luck dude, here's hoping it'll work out awesomely!

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