A Confusing Situation

A girl I know has issues with an e-stalker, and it's kinda interesting to see as a "not-so-neutral" party. I can actually sort of tell that the guy is well-meaning. I mean he's one creepy motherfucker, so it's not 100% comparable to you, but he's not like, sending her love letters or staring at her with binoculars from an opposite building.

But something about his behaviour has "creepy" written all over it. And definitely the most important part about this is the fact that whenever she shows up, he's all over her. In this case it's only online so it's kinda easy to avoid him, but whenever she momentarily forgets to set invisible on AIM, he sends her a message, whenever she's on Gmail for more than thirty seconds, he sends her one of those chat things, and so on. And the kind of messages he sends are very... "nice". They're too nice.

Although you say you didn't do this with her, you may have done something that gave off that kind of vibe. Girls are pretty sensitive about stuff like this, moreso than guys, at least in my experience. In your case of course there is actual attraction going on by your own admittance, so it's not like she was entirely wrong in her assessment...

I mean, what Decoy said may be right--she may just be a fickle college (high school?) girl. But I've had the opportunity to look at this slightly from a female perspective (even if it was second-hand), and it was kind of an eye-opener. There's a very subtle difference between creepy and just friendly.

I sympathize with your abandonment issues, it may be something you should get therapy for, I don't know. However, to draw a parallel with that girl I know--after some time of receiving (and ignoring) these creepy messages and requests for more pics and so on, she eventually sent the guy an email basically going "the things you say to me really creep me out. I need a lot more space than you give me, and you really make me uncomfortable. You don't know how to talk to me. I don't know if we can be friends anymore. Give me time." I think this is basically the equivalent of what your friend did with you, albeit via a teacher.

BUT after she sent that message, he left her alone for maybe a week or two, and then started again with the creepy messages. This basically sealed the deal for her. So don't do that, don't go and try to talk to her. Like everyone else has said, let her come to you. They're super right.

As for yourself--move on. There's nothing else you can really do that will help more. Find a new friend, and/or find a girlfriend. That alone could very well make things a lot easier for her to get back in touch with you, and it's generally a good idea to have a few friends so if one disappears or you have a falling out, it's not the end of the world like it seems to be for you now.

Ergh, this became a bit long and disheveled. Hope it helps, or something...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Kostaki

I think I know what I'm going to do now though, as much as other people probably will chide me for doing it. I'll just take the love I still have for her and turn it into motivational energy to improve and better myself physically, emotionally, and socially.

That actually sounds good to me.

There's nowhere I can't reach.