What is cheating?

I've actually been in that situation more or less, where I was dating a girl regularly, and another girl and I were "romantically involved" online.

Granted, I never felt that I was in a steady relationship with that girl I was dating, BUT I also felt that flirting online--however far we went, which was more or less what Bernard Black is describing--was relatively innocuous because there was absolutely no way for us to get together (geographically). But I have to admit, I did wonder to myself whether it was wrong, so it's definitely not totally okay.

Anyway, if I was in a serious long-term relationship but still felt the need to do something like that, I would think very seriously about ending that relationship myself. I would say that if you're going that far with someone else, while it's not cheating, you're just not really committed, and you'd either need to do something to the relationship to fix it or opt out (more likely from my perspective, cause fixing a relationship that you don't care about is incredibly hard).

If you're the victim of this behaviour, just be aware that your relationship is on very shaky grounds. It may not be salvageable. But to directly answer the question: I wouldn't call it cheating.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Soluzar

He obviously has a lasting desire to have sex with her

I would have to disagree with this, at least for me, it wasn't that way at all. I was kinda just having fun, and had no serious intentions of meeting (let alone fucking) the girl.

It may still be true of this guy, but I wouldn't say it's obvious, at least.

Originally Posted by Soluzar

I would also regard any kind of serious amount of dirty talk as cheating. I know that a lot of people would say that dirty talk and such isn't cheating, but I wouldn't expect anyone who I was dating to do that kind of thing behind my back

I do agree with this, it's wrong to do something like that. But I really can't count this as cheating. But yeah, I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with someone who has the need to flirt with other guys, even online. In fact I've broken up with a girl over precisely that.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Soluzar

You had no intentions of actually going through with it, but can you say that the desire did not exist in you mind?

In the sense that I thought "man, if she was here I'd fuck her", no, that desire didn't really exist (not beyond the "I'll have sex with anything alive, attractive and female" kinda thing).

Originally Posted by Soluzar

The desire alone would be more than enough to give me second thoughts about the relationship.

Absolutely. If I had been in a serious relationship at the time, I wouldn't have done anything like that (or broken up).

Anyway, I also don't see how this is possibly your fault, Bernard Black. I don't know if I would break up with someone over it (probably though), but I would certainly have major doubts about the relationship if a girl did this while in a relationship with me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.