how do you know if you really love someone?

I wouldn't listen to these people saying that if you're asking this question, you're not in love. That's nonsense. Everybody in a relationship ever will ask this question at some point. These feelings are absolutely natural. You may even have a little crush on someone else, making the question even more complicated. However, don't do anything rash yet.

First of all, the other person isn't necessarily better than the one you're with, even though it may seem that way. That's only because you don't know her bad sides yet. You always think it's going to be better than it really is (which is why this question pops up in the first place).

Now, how do you know if you really love someone? Here are some things that my friends have told me during/after breaking up with their long term relationships (including a five-year long relationship and a divorce), as well as my own experience.

Wait a while (like a month) and see if you're still doubting that you love the one you're with at that point. There may be a million reasons why you feel that you don't--work-related stress, winter cold, not seeing her enough or seeing her too much--but if you are in love, these doubtful feelings are fleeting. If they last, they're a serious problem.

Don't listen to your mind. Don't make a list of good and bad qualities. Don't think "but she's such a nice person", or "but she's so pretty". Just listen to your heart and make your decision based on it. I know this sounds like a cliché but trust me, it's important enough and gets forgotten enough that it needs to be said.

Finally, remember that you can't truly change a person, you can only make them behave in a different way. If you're in the relationship and you're not satisfied due to her behaviour, reflect on yourself whether you think that's a personality trait or just a habit. If it's the first, chances are it's not going away.

Jam it back in, in the dark.