HAY GUYS

surasshu · Local time: Jun 2, 2007, 10:15 PM

A friend of mine was with a girl for over 5 years and he had the same problem--although it was amplified by some other issues. He just couldn't be with her forever, and so it was useless, and although it caused some friction and a lot of arguing, in the end they both said (independently of each other, after it happened) that they were better off apart.

I'm pretty sure that I understand your feeling from talking a lot to my friend when it happened to him, and he was really sure about it, so I will assume that you are as well.

Like OO and Ulysses say--be completely honest. It's very possible that she already has inklings about this, so just try to tell her to this as gently as possible without giving the impression that there's anything she can do to change it. Don't say anything that sounds like bullshit like "it's not you, it's me", just give it to her straight.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

surasshu · Local time: Jun 2, 2007, 11:01 PM

Well for my friend it took him that long to even realize that he wasn't happy with her, and that this wouldn't go away. He's got a job that can cause a lot of stress as well and there were other issues playing also, so he could "write off" a lot of his uncertain feelings to those things. But like you, he sort of suddenly realized that it just wouldn't work out, no matter how long he'd stick with her, and it'd eventually fall apart.

Another friend of mine actually got married and then had to divorce pretty soon after, but the situation isn't as comparable since they were actually very incompatible with each other, and were looking for very different things in a relationship--they just didn't realize it until it was too late. The parallel is you can "reason away" a lot of those gut feelings, and that makes it really hard to come to this sort of conclusion. But in the end you have to listen to your heart, as cheesy as that sounds.

Anyway, perhaps one way to make it a little bit easier is to talk to her and see if she can agree with you? It didn't work for my friend (the girl actually wanted to get married, and he just didn't want to marry her, so that caused a good part of the friction before and during the breakup), but every relationship is different, and she may have similar feelings as you.

There's nowhere I can't reach.