[Movie] [Your] Top Ten Worst Movies of 2007

Darjeeling made your list? Oh you can go to hell. Not as good as Tenenbaums, no, but a list of top 10 worst releases? Jesus Christ, Sprout.

10 - Golden Compass - The Church groups got all uppity, the literary geeks got all uppity, and in the end, I got uppity and left the theatre, because my GOD. I don't know how you make me hate a movie with Daniel Craig AND Sam Elliot AND Ian McKellen AND Ian McShane etc... but man, did they ever find a way to do it. Murdered their subject material, murdered their filmmaking, and made everything just so bland and idiotic. Pullman was never a brilliant author, but this movie wasn't even middling.

9 - Live Free or Die Hard - Ugh. Just... awful. Hack the internets, indeed. Not even Bruce Willis could save this for me, man. Just trite, trite, trite.

8 - Spider-Man 3 - Ok, yes, this makes my list because it sucked. But not for the reasons a lot of people list. Strutting with emo hair? Brilliant. How good is the pie? Brilliant. EMO HAIR BAD SPIDEY? Brilliant. What the fuck Sandman? Why is this guy from Wings supposed to be tugging on my heartstrings? Shut up and get to Venom. Half this movie is like a Sam Raimi picture, and as such, I love it. Weird, quirky, doesn't take itself too seriously... the other half is all maudlin and stupid and shouldn't exist.

7 - Ghost Rider - Why isn't this lower? Because it's Ghost Rider. What did we expect, Shakespeare?

6 - The Number 23 - Good god. "My whole life revolves around the number 23." Well here's a number for you, sport. 32. Approximately how many minutes I lasted before bursting out laughing repeatedly. Just absolutely atrocious.

5 - Transformers - I'm sorry, but you can all go to hell on this one. It was atrocious. It was beyond atrocious, it's one of the worst films I've seen in my entire life. I don't know how any of you can like this pile of crap. All production values and no actual content.

4 - Across the Universe - Yeah, hey. That's a pretty musical you did there. Where's the story? Oh you don't have one? Get the fuck back to the Lion King, you stunned cunt.

3 - Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Uncharted Waters ...ok, I get it you saw Twin Peaks. Did I really need that godawful scene with Jack in limbo/hell/whatever? It's gone down hill every sequel, and the drop from 2 to 3 is staggering. 2 wasn't even that good, but where's the narrative? How do you abandon the plot of the Calysto and Davy Jones? How do you manage to fuck up everything but Geoffrey Rush being a god?

2 - Hitman - Why you gotta do that to someone after Deadwood? Please, please, please just go make more Deadwood.

1 - Beowulf - Neil Gaiman, you so crazy. This movie was just PAINFUL. Like seriously, what were they thinking? It's awful, the eyes on the CG are dead, there's no narrative, the characters are flat... there's just no upside here.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Room

In no particular order:

Transformers
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Redacted
300
American Gangster
Rendition
In The Valley of Elah
Sunshine
Elizabeth: The Golden Age

No, that's not true. I would rather endure 300 and Transformers than to be subjected to any of their compatriots on this dismal index of movies that will be buried beneath greater, hidden treasures currently ignored, in years to come. Why Rendition and not Norbit, or why American Gangster and not National Treasure? For starters, I have not seen either of the latter in the pairing, which is entirely the reasoning: I do not have to see a Brian Robbins vehicle to know it will suck, or another Scary Movie clone (why? in case it may find its way onto my positive year end list?). Denicalis' Ghost Rider reasoning nails shut the coffins on the rest of the faux oscar baits, and why they are worse than the relatively harmless chafe most people see.

To inject some positive into this thread/post: Do see Charles' Burnett's Killer of Sheep, filmed in '77 but incomplete until this year; The Coens' No Country for Old Men, whose bold framing and spiritiual crisis tear apart the 3 entries above fit for The Iraq War Hall of Shame; another one of Herzog's personal but best since his glorious 70s german movies, Rescue Dawn; Wes Anderson's The Darjeeling Limited, one I'm still trying to wrap my head around but may be his most clear-eyed of his filmography; Sarah Polley's Debut, Away from Her, which will earn Julie Christie an oscar (she or Marion Cotillard; bookmark this page, you read it here first); and Satoshi Kon's engrossing Paprika, where he ventures into David Lynch territory.

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I agree with all of your positives, to begin with, secondly, I am so glad I avoided Elizabeth. It turned out exactly how I told everyone it would turn out. Just fucking awful.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I didn't loathe the first one, because the dude clearly lacked the funding to do all the horrible, horrible camera bullshit he did in the second one. You took the man off his leash and he went crazy. Best review I heard of it just said: "Someone buy this man a fucking steady cam."

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.