Dealbreakers

My deal breaker? Alice. Seriously. Just Alice. Personality-wise, we would never ever mesh. But this is hardly a new revelation. However, the people I don't get along with are people who make lists of "deal breakers" and include stuff like aviator glasses. OMG SENSE OF FASHION, HORRIBLE. However, if my girlfriend looks half as good as her at, what are you now Alice, 50? I'd be happy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Shut up, Deni. If I liked big, hairy rude guys and you liked uptight old chicks the planets would align and the world would forever live in harmony. Can't we just get along?

But seriously, I have this thing about aviator glasses.

P.S. I'm not 50. ;_;

P.S. I know. Therein lies the joke. oke:

No, we can't just get along, because the planets would align and everyone would live in harmony. Then what would I do for fun?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Now that would be hilarious, although I'd have to turn off every light in a 10-mile radius and he'd probably smother my bitchy ass with a pillow afterward.

Kudos, madame. Laughed out loud at that, I did. Though nadi is right. We're clearly secretly in lust.

P.S.

Originally Posted by Trent Angstnor[/quote

Maybe you shouldn't post if it's past your bedtime. Senior citizens need all the rest they can get. I wouldn't want you to trip and fall and break your brittle old hag hip.

Do you think I care about what you are or aren't? Do you think I'd honestly take the time to get to know you?

Psshaw, you're worthless.

Who is this guy and why is he biting off LeHah and myself like this?


P.P.S.

ALICE. GET THE HELL OFF MY LEHAH MOCKERY BRAINWAVE.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Reznor

I guess you're right, Styphon. I'll quit before I get StyphOWNED.

So which dupe is it? Any takers?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Well I can't think of anybody who is near as much of a dick as my boy LeHah... so I officially lose interest until the truth comes out.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Reznor

Depends, Deni. Can you keep a Canadian secret?

I kept the secret of our secret stores of maple syrup powered hockey-rockets hidden under Halifax harbour, didn't I?

...

Fuck.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I think it's TV's Patrick Duffy.

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I don't get these people who are all about not being with people who use drugs every now and again. "Oh. My. God. He did marijuana once last month. What an addict." However, nastiest concealed dealbreaker ever? Girl and I go out for six months. We get together, we fuck, no real commitment... it's awesome-town. And then one day her cel rings, she picks it up and answers it. She has to go. That's fine, I figured she was dating someone else because of how on the DL she kept the two of us. Yea, I hear about three days later that not only is she married, she's married to my english prof. Railed her even harder after that. Fucker gave me a 79.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Reznor

Hahahaha. HOOOOO BOOOOOY.
I don't think I'll ever have a story to top that one. Not even on my deathbed.

You good sir, win 500 internets.

Let me guess, she had no ring?

She started wearing the ring after I found out about the marriage. It worked for me. Like I said, I really hated that prof. As such, seeing his wedding ring blurred as his wife worked over my dick? Fucking genius.

Originally Posted by EncephaROX0RZ

Yeah man. Marriage is kind of a dealbreaker for me too. I dated this girl from Bakersfield for about 7 months too and then one day she just wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me, "Charlie knows about us."

???

"Who the fuck is Charlie?"
"My husband"

You. Have got. To be. KIDDING!

I left that night and I never so much as stop for gas in Bakersfield on my way to L.A. anymore. That town left a bitter taste in my mouth... In more ways than one. :/

Were you at least tempted to yell "HOLY FUCK! CHARLIE IN THE TREES!"?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Encephalon

You know... Right about now, anything else to say would have been better than, "Wait... Are you serious? I um... Gotta... Go."

I went out like a punk bitch.

Seriously. In that instance, you just bust out the "Hory Fuck! You must be Kidding. You are one rame chick." Engrish is the ultimate diss.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by FallDragon

Deeply seeded anger issues much? Seriously, it sounds like this story should end with "Then I strangled the bitch to death and poured her blood into my profs coffee one morning as I said with a smile, 'This is how your wife said you like your coffee."

No, I liked -her-. She was fantastic. I didn't like him, so fucking his wife made me happy. It's not like I raped his daughter for revenge. I just didn't stop fucking his wife after I found out they were married. Apples and oranges.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by FallDragon

That's because it might've been incest. :love:

O SNAP. Fall brings the funny to this party, I see. And no, she never got pregnant. Literally. Not even with him.

However, another dealbreaker story. I go to a party, I get hammered, I go upstairs with this girl and we start fooling around. I rock out with my cock out, she jams out with her clam out and we get it on like Donkey Kong. Two days later, it happens again. Third day comes around and, with my tongue buried inside her she says "I think you should know, you'll always come second to Jesus Christ in my life." I fucking laugh. Har har joke, right? NO FUCKING JOKE. SHE PULLS OUT THE BIBLE AND TELLS ME SHE CAN'T BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE LIKE SHE DOES. My classy reply? "Wait, what? I know Jesus chilled with prostitutes, but what the fuck?" And that's why Deni is the Casanova of our age. His ability to sweet talk the ladies.

Funny story. A buddy of mine married that girl three months ago. He thought she was a virgin. She'd fucked two of the guys in the party. We don't have the heart to tell him.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by julia

You know, a chick who will pull out a bible while a guy has his tongue in her twat is just plain scary. And would surely be a dealbreaker for me if I was giving a guy a bj and he whips out the good book.

Good lord, that just blows my mind someone would do that in the middle of sex.

Exactly what scared me. Not that she was religious. That's fine. Religon is great. Keen, even. Jesus is my homeboy. But when it's all "Do you know we have a common friend? Jesus Christ?" That shit is FRIGHTENING.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Elcee

Definitely not a breaker, but I've just come by the fact that my gf is the 'never been kissed' type. She claims to have been but the pudding is a different flavor. This makes my life a speck more interesting. What do I do, guys and gals? I've never been in this situation. How might I go about this nonchalantly?

Are you saying your girlfriend claims to have been nailed, but doesn't seem like she has? Did you ever consider she may just be awful at whatever it is that tipped you off?

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Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

I still believe that. I wouldn't be married to a COUSIN who didn't respect and ask for my input on things, but most of the time when we disagree on something, I defer to him since MY COUSIN is the head of the household. There are times when I dig my heels in, and when I do that MY COUSIN knows I mean business, but as a general rule, I trust his ability to make decisions. It's one of the reasons I chose him.

fixed.

And Alice, I will let this go one day, I'm sure... but right now, too good for me not to milk.

Though inbreeding might account for your daughter's taste in men. She may be borderline retarded.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

I have considered the possibility.

As far as the inbreeding goes, my bloodline is just too superior. I couldn't risk tainting it with inferior blood by marrying outside the family.

Beautiful. For all I hate everything you stand for, I appreciate your sense of humour.

Also, that guy sucks. Seriously.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?