[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

The dwarf rubbed his chin as he looked at the giant stone boulder. How could he not have seen that? It's almost as if for a brief moment, someone controlling his every action had forgotten how to FUCKING READ. He then promptly glanced at a crumbling bit of wall next to the door and noted it was a fourth wall. He wasn't sure why that was significant, but he imagined if he understood that, he'd have a very good grasp on the universe indeed. He stared for a while at the problem, frustrated by the weight of the thing and noting how it stuck firmly in place in the precise way a passing cloud didn't. With a shrug, he promptly got back about his business.

"Right then. Who wants to lay even odds that the door currently behind the big stone monument to the just-pull-whatever-lever-you-want approach is the one we need?"

He looked around for something to offer some leverage and settled on Argumentus.

"You there, lad. Care to give us a hand in shuffling this giant ball of stone away from where we need to be?" He mused to himself that if their combined strength wasn't good enough, they could always find something borderline useless and jam it under the rock to pry the thing out of the way. The rogue would do nicely.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dwarf glanced up into the flickering light and sucked air through his lips, creating a quiet whistle. "Well now, doesn't tha' just bode especially well for our travels, eh lads?" He slapped Argumentus on the back and chuckled. "Kord smiles on us, Abnormally Large Human. Looks like we'll get to kill yet something else 'fore the day is done, eh?"

He pulled the holy symbol from around his wrist and slid it against his chest under the chainmail, keeping it pressed against his body, just below his neck as he took a few steps forward and readied his hammer and shield, keeping his senses tuned on the walls around him and the room in front of him. The smell of blood hung in the air like the foul stench of failure around an elf trying to find his way through a cave. Surely, there was the work of some foul good afoot here.

I was speaking idiomatically.

The dwarf snarled at the rogue and produced his holy symbol from under his mail shirt, exposing it to the creature and taking a half-step back.

"You joke now, son, but you won't be joking when that thing leaves you a quivering mess on the dungeon floor." He tightened his grip on the warhammer, staring at the unclean thing before him. "The accursed eaters of the dead. The damned. A ghoul."

He stared at the thing's chain and noticed it attached to the far wall, he looked up above, hoping his lowlight vision would come in handy and let him see where this disposal unit had its beginnings.

"No point sneaking with it anyway, son. Those things can see in the dark. They can see your soul. If a ghoul looks like it can't see you, it's a trick." He looked pointedly at him and rested his warhammer on the ground for a moment. "Get an axe."

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The dwarf muttered under his breath and gripped his holy symbol, muttering under his breath: "Thank Kord whatever we did wasn't a felony warranting the ghoul pit. Small favours." His attention was then brought back by the snapping creature in center of the room and he sighed under his breath.

"Right, well I vote those of us with the talent hit that thing from well far away and keep away from those claws." Normally the dwarf would be the first to lunge into battle with man or beast, but this thing was neither. It was an abomination. Best to put it out of its misery.

FELIPE NO

"What's an axe going to do?" The dwarf looked at the rogue like he was an idiot child. "One would imagine an axe would do to a ghoul what it does to everything else, wouldn't you?"

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dwarf sighed and brought his hammer up into his hands, muttering his thanks to Kord for yet again letting him test his mettle in the heat of combat. Truly, the lord of war was smiling on him lately. Though his favour often came in the most mysteriously irritating ways. A ghoul. Oh, but this would be -lovely-.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The dwarf turned around to bellow to his allies, only to see the mage disappear behind a rock followed by the sound of what seemed to be clacking mandibles.

"Oh bollocks," he muttered under his breath, drawing his throwing hammer and hurling it at the mage before stepping back to block the passage into the south room. Oh good. Another pincer attack (though he didn't know yet how literal that was. yuck yuck). This was just what they needed.

Draw throwing hammer
Throw throwing hammer at mage
Jump to the left (but no step to the right, no hands on his hips, knees not brought in tight, and he never even considers the pelvic thrust as an option. As it would be silly.)

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf took a deep breath, gripping his hammer firmly in a palm that all but burned with the will of Kord. He leaned back on his heel, staring at the potential targets, but always his eyes came to settle on the image of the sluggishly moving undead abomination.

With a smirk on his lips he spat on the ground, calling out at the ghoul: "Yo, she bitch. Let's go."

And with that he charged head long across the floor and lead with his hammer, the thing swinging down in a vicious downstroke aimed at the connection of the creature's neck to its shoulder, skidding to a halt on the paving stones, he drew the hammer back upwards in a violent arc aimed for the bottom of the thing's jaw.

Charge into Fearsome Smite on ghoul for +1 bonus
Spend Action Point
Bolstering Strike on Ghoul

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dwarf shook his head to clear it, not even noticing the bolt of magic whistling past his ear. He took a deep, shuddering breath and barked out at the ghoul: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the sword of Kord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

Of course Mots was the weak, and Gabriel was the shepherd, but they could worry about possible religious insults later. For now the dwarf followed that up by attempting to cave in the ghoul's chest with his warhammer.

Second Wind
Divine Challenge to Ghoul Moe Dee
Warhammer to chest of Raz Al Ghoul

How ya doing, buddy?

The dwarf scowled darkly beneath his heavy brows, his taciturn nature taking hold as he gripped his holy symbol in the shield hand. He muttered scripture quietly under his breath: "And Saint Attila raised the weapon up on high, saying, "O Kord, bless this thy warhammer, that with it thou mayst smash thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And Kord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu.." He glanced up and gripped his warhammer tightly.

"Sod it. I move..." he narrowed his eyes and set his feet, "for no man."

And with that the little dwarf launched himself towards his foe and lashed out with his weapon.

Lay hands self.
Move diagonal up-right one square
BOLSTERING STRIKE

I was speaking idiomatically.

The dwarf glowered at the mage as he thumped him lightly with the stick. He rubbed it with the back of the hand, and for a moment the two looked awkwardly at each other. Like two people who had just met and shagged in the bathroom of a Burger King. The silence that followed was heavy with the discomfort of two people that have just witnessed something truly unfortunate.

"Dick move."

Then the bolt broke shattered the moment, and as the not-a-loaf tore threw the mage's arm, the dwarf shuffled to the side and swung his hammer violently at the same appendage.

Shuffle Step to right
Bolstering Strike

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The dwarf grinned. "Now -that's- how you swing pipe, son."

FELIPE NO

The Paladin blinked as the crab snapped above his head, turning around he wore a slightly shocked expression, as up until now he hadn't noticed the giant creature.

"Zoot alors, I have missed one!"

He hefted his hammer to his shoulder and shuffled sideways to put his back against the wall. "Sacre bleu, what is this? How on earth could I miss such a sweet little succulent crab. Quel Domage! What a loss! Here we go, in the sauce. Now some flour I think just a dab. Now I stuff you with bread, it won't hurt, 'cause you're dead! And you're certainly lucky you are. 'Cause it's gonna be hot in my big silver pot! Tout-aloo, mon poisson, Au revoir!"

It was, of course, his father's famous crab gumbo song. And it just sort of came out. As did his hammer. Violently. For the crab's carapace.

Shuffle diagonal right to be between wall and crab.
Sing a little song.
Bolstering Strike

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dwarf promptly spun on the crab and drove his hammer out violently towards the thing's underside, looking to split it open, since attacks to its upper carapace had proved more or less worthless to this point. Because he was out of lay on hands. OBVIOUSLY.

Bolstering Strike on Crab

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The dwarf grumbled as the people wandered around exploring. Let them look for loot, he was absolutely beat after that little conflict. With a sigh he trudged towards the office to take a look around, paying specific attention to the weapons. If there was nothing hammer-like there, he would lean against the wall and take a rest, looking to restore some of his fighting spirit.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dwarf awoke with a bit of a start and, grumbling the whole way, trudged off into the new-found room after picking up his throwing hammer on the way.

"Aye, I'm a dwarf and you're an idjit. What do you want?"

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dwarf rubbed his eyes and looked at the statues.

"So why did you need a dwarf to tell you you're standing in a room with a fire bowl and a water bowl, exactly?"

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dwarf turned and walked out of the room, muttering to himself quietly as he did so.

I was speaking idiomatically.

"O bollocks to this."

The dwarf trudged into the northern room, yanked the mirror from its moorings and trudged back into the western room.

"Right, tired of playing games." And with that he sent the thing rolling down the aisle, like a good old game of hoop and stick. Though this wasn't a game. As he was tired of them.

Anyway, he was out to trip as many wires as he could, though he made a point of stepping to the side of the hallway as he did so.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The dwarf looked at the elf, and then at the retreating rogue.

"You're kidding, right?"

The dwarf sighed and slumped down against the wall, not applying pressure to the wound, because this asshole pushed him down a hole not an hour ago. Who cares if she IS attractive. Not him. No sir.

"If you die, do it loudly enough to wake me up, dandelion eater."

With that he shut his eyes and took a rest.

FELIPE NO

After some long moments of not being able to sleep the dwarf stood up and trundled after the rogue. He couldn't let the little sneak thief have all the fun.

With a sigh he walked into the room, noting the puzzle already being solved.

"Your doing?" He seemed somewhat impressed, glancing back over his shoulder as he commented: "You sure you want to go down there, mate? Seems we ain't leading but two things right now. Jack and Shit. And Jack got shot in the chest with a crossbow bolt like a git."

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dwarf, having fallen asleep away from the rest of the group, woke up and rubbed his eyes, looking around with a sigh.

"Right." He looked to find himself in a stone walled room with statues and levers. "Well, this is new and different."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The dwarf was roused by the sounds of battle. Once again Kord had called his number. And that number was not one, nor two, nor four. Five... was right out. In any case, he came bolting down the hall, his beard bouncing, throwing hammer in hand as he came skittering towards the sounds of battle. Taking quick stock he noted small kobold friend, whatever was making that commotion was probably an enemy. War it was.

Good. Goooood. Kord would not want his valor to come so easy.

Most amazing jew boots

The dwarf ran past the mage, happily accepting the gift of the battleaxe as he past. Rounding the corner, he slid away his warhammer and equipped the axe, stopping in the center of the U bend and calling out to the large human.

"What is it lad? Demons? Monsters? Gully Dwarves? Elves? Beholders? Packer fans? Demons?"

He readied himself for anything.

Take axe
Equip Axe
FULL DEFENSE

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dwarf leaned around the corner, balancing his throwing hammer in his hand and looking to see if he had an angle at the enemy at the end of the hall. If he could pull off a throw, he would hurl the weapon at the bastard creature. If not, he'd relax back on his heels and await his chance to act.

Either throw hammer at mosquito thing

OR

Delay action

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?