[DnD] Tomb of Horrors (GFF D&D Adventure X)

I picked up the graceful Scimitar with my boot, flipping it up into my hands and testing out the heft. It felt good. It felt... really good. I spun it around once to hear the hum before I picked up my dropped weapons and followed the cow.

"Hey. Bovine Jackson. Wait up."

Pick up Graceful... Scimitar, I guess?

Most amazing jew boots

I smirked and patted murray on the head. I knew I was going to like this guy.

"Easy, boys. Something's been on the barbeque in here, and they don't look like a flank steak crowd."

I caught myself and nodded apologetically at beefi.

"No offense."

How ya doing, buddy?

If the skull had a hand, I would have high fived it. I liked this guy. He was funny.

"If we need to test fire, I personally am very comfortable with using the skull."

I considered for a moment and then added,

"Or that bloke what can light himself on fire. I'll bet he'd be useful now. At the bare minimum he could light these candelabras... o hey, a chair. Result."

And with that I set the skull down on the altar and moved to sit down in the chair.

"I'm gonna keep on using you to poke at things until you give us some kind of clue as to what to do here, Boney M. I imagine you have some sort of an idea, even if it is a bad one. Or we could just sit here and talk. Or I could let you talk with the cow when I get bored. Or the kobold. You know, whichever."

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I jabbed my fingers into Murray's eye sockets and my thumb in his nose hole and lined up, all twinkle toes and shuffled feet.

"Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling."

At the last second I pulled up and firmly attached him back on my belt, patting him on the head before springing up and over into the new room with a smile on my face and a tune in my heart. I put my hat on Murray and offered some sage advice.

"I'm only pulling your leg, kid. We're the best of friends, how could I ever part with you?"

I coughed as I glanced somewhat cautiously into the new room.

"Besides, I need a new place to grow a plant when I get home, and you're it."

I was speaking idiomatically.

I pulled a comb from my pocket and used it to smooth back my hair, trailing the implement with a hand before sliding it away.

"We have a guy who is fire. There are rats in the pit. The Skull and I vote for burning, I don't know about the rest of you, mooks."

I stayed back a ways and kicked a pebble down after the sword. I wanted to feel like I was participating.

"That riddle talked about checking a wall. And I'm willing to bet in a place like this, they didn't mean to look for an EXIT sign."

Just to be safe, I glanced at the walls to check for an exit sign. Or a hidden switch.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Sam joins the cow and continues to inspect the walls as he goes. Coughing and glaring at those bastards responsible for making him sick.

FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll THIEVERY CHECK

I spit out some algae water on the ground, the glance down left me happy as I saw, soggy as it was, my hat was still resting comfortably on the skull's, well, skull. I wiped some water out from my eyes and looked up at my old buddy, grape-fra-oot.

"You know, I signed up for wizard murder and tomb robbing. I don't recall anyone talking about algae pits. Always a catch."

I allowed myself a grin, and a bit of a smirk. I glanced around the room, checking for any sort of a trap, or alternative entrance into the place, if none was found, balls to it, I was picking any lock or catch and kicking the door into any oncoming enemy's stupid dry face. It seemed my little swim had woken me up. Up until now, this stupid place was just a place. Now it was a stupid place that ruined my new shoes. Fuck this stupid place. Someone was going to die. A lot.

That's a big 37 with my thieves tool in the mix for the thievery check.

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1 Die Roll STEALTH CHEEEECK

I patted Murray reassuringly and took a step back as soon as we slid into the door, taking a place next to it against the wall, as quietly and as stealthily as I could. I whispered down to my cranial companion

"I don't suppose you can see in the dark?"

I hid myself in the black, waiting for any important looking person to walk through that door so I could slit a throat or two.

Stealth check 13+3+2(footpads) = 18.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll acrobatics

5 + 15 - 2 = 18. SUCCESS.

I managed to scramble as far away from the slope as it began to roll and pitch towards the firey gates. I made sure Murray was kept close to my hip as I clambered upwards.

"All right, Murray. Next time, we try it your way!"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll acrobatic escaping!

I managed to once again clamber upwards, away from the threat of the fire. I glanced back to see my new friends not faring quite as well as myself.

"Balls!"

The situation called for it. I don't apologise. I took the rope from my pack, tied it around anything nearby and slightly stable, poured water from my skin over it to keep it from burning and tossed the other end back down the tilting room. I may be a cold, dead-inside private dick with more whiskey in him than care for his fellow man, but goddamnit, I will throw a rope to a burning man. At least today. At least this part of today.

10 + 15 -2 = 23. SUCCESS!

How ya doing, buddy?

1 Die Roll KaPWING

I saw my friend, the cow, plunging towards the magma men. He dug his hooves in and charged forward and I decided to buy him a couple seconds. I pulled my crossbow and unloaded a bolt into the one nearest him. If only to buy him a couple extra moments.

Hit. Assuming minions so no damage roll.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I shrugged and shimmied down the chain. When in rome, I guess?

I was speaking idiomatically.

I slowly stepped back, keeping pace with the cow. I also took the time to hide murray behind my back for extra protection. I whispered, so only he could hear me.

"All right, Murray. I know you may be the big evil necromancer, or at least not entirely on our side and all, but you got any insight into that goose or this door? Cause right now all I got is throw the goose at the door."

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

As Slim went stumbling towards the door, lurching like a madman, all Sam could think to do was slowly point Murray towards the spectacle, so the skull could also be witness to the absolute madness that was about to happen. He was fairly certain the skull's slackjawed expression would match his own.

FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll THIEVERY CHECK

I sighed deeply, poked Slim with my toe to be sure he was still alive and then slowly meandered my way up towards Garold.

"I think he might be ready to try that mace now."

While I was down there, I stuck my nose around the corner, taking a quick look for any traps and/or nasty surprises on route to said mace, or on said mace as I approached it.

"Hey Murray. Do you think it's sad the most helpful guy to me is the skull of a vanquished foe with a vested interest in seeing me dead? I think it's sad."

Thievery check 18 + 17 + 2 (inq. kit) = 37.

I kept my eyes peeled, not trusting this dungeon in the slightest at this point. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the flask, taking a quick pull out of the view of others, and pouring a little bit over Murray's grimey jaw and teeth. Truth be told, my kind never really felt fear, but we did feel frustration. And this was frustrating. I was in a group with people who liked to lead with their heads, which is normally good, but this time it is literally leading with their skulls into things. So, a good idea/bad idea situation, really. At any rate, I had to hand it to the necromancer. He had designed an ingenious trap. Anyone who was merely inquisitive would either die or go home by now, out of sheer exhaustion. Unfortunately for him, I was a halfling and a greedy bastard with a paycheque on the line. And frankly, a little frustration is fine if it ends with a pack of hookers and a new pair of shoes. Not necessarily, but usually, in that order.

How ya doing, buddy?

I smirked at Murray's comment. Well, that settles the age old debate about whether or not the undead retain a sense of taste. I turned my attention to the mace.

"So, what? I just pick you up and then everything's jake? Well, in response to that...'



After I finished laughing, I approached a safe distance from the magic door, and searched the walls for any sort of trip trap or secret. If none were found, I backed up a bit and unloaded my Dragon FP into the bloody thing's hinges. I'd sooner blow up a door than go near that coffin. Also, I had all this gunpowder just sitting here doing nothing.



Jam it back in, in the dark.

"But.... but the door finally open- COME ON!"

I sighed and moved my full speed, one could say I double moved, towards the stupid undead and away from the really interesting door thing.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls DMG

I couldn't help but smirk at Murray's attempts to negotiate with the enemy. We were truly two peas in a pod, an evil, snarky pod. I slid to the top of the stairs, leveling my crossbow and loosing a bolt for the nearest skeleton. I had an idea, and if I'd understood the concept of fear, I may have been uneasy about what I was about to do. But I didn't. So I was sort of excited.

"Don't worry about it, Murray. As long as it is other people taking the javelin to the chest, you and I are good."

Move to AA -92
Deft strike AI -89 for 9 damage

How ya doing, buddy?

I blinked at what was transpiring, slowly lowering my crossbow. I muttered under my breath to Murray.

"I think this just became the best lich fight ever."

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

2 Dice Rolls Thievery

My fingers ran across the brim of my hat, adjusting it down over my eyes as I soft-shoed my way down the hallway towards the lich. Hands disappeared under the shadow cast across my face, a spark and a puff of smoke the only hint of the cigarette lighting before I flicked the match in the direction of a nearby skeleton. I adjusted Murray to my palm, giving a nice visual to my words.

Your time has past. Your time is done.
Your bony feet have stirred dirt for too long.
Hiding in your crypt, afraid of sky and sun
Cowering here, behind your bony throng

I skipped past another wave of skeletons, smirking to myself while Murray cackled in my hand. I spun him deftly, distraction of movement on top of distraction of sound.

Bony fingers clutching life tight
long after it should have flown away.
Clutching at the last remnants of might
But the end comes, with no more delay.

I know you're weary, lay down your head
There will be peace when this is done.
Quick and quiet, no words need be said
Trapped already in the web we've spun.

I slipped away from another skeleton, approaching the lich directly as my undead friend chortled and danced from hand to hand, the practiced ease of a lifetime of sleight of hand.

You needn't suffer, the hurt can end.
No more running, stop, breathe deep,
Father time has no moments left to lend
You've no need to pray, no soul to keep.

You built these walls to keep you safe
Like a child hiding under covers when abed,
But the truth is bound to truly chafe,
For the damned will soon be simply dead.

I flicked the catch on my sheath open, ready to draw it the moment I'd unloaded the bolts in my crossbow. I'd used some sleight of hand and distraction to get myself close enough, and if I saw this verbal fight wasn't going in our direction, I was ready to cut down the skeletal minions and put the blade through this thing's cold, black heart.

No man was ever meant to hear his elegy
So accept this final fact to be as rote
Perhaps the next world will grant you clemency
But all I can offer is a swift slit of throat.

Big ol' 10 for Insight.

Slightly more inspiring 28 for thievery

I was speaking idiomatically.

I yawned, patted Murray on the head, and wandered in after the cow.

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I kept myself near the cow's side, glancing down at Murray.

"Balls. I thought we were done. It was time to get drunk and angry at inappropriate people for inappropriate reasons."

I had never been especially good with magic. Mechanical traps and the like, I was a master, but I was never good with magic. It made me curious, too, which was a bad combination. Very few things end with BZAAAAAP, yum. It's usually BZAAAAAP ow. Or BZAAAAAP dead. We lose more halflings that way, my mom used to say while woefully shaking her head. But she picked fistfights with Minotaurs, so what the fuck did she know.

"Right then, mates. This place looks like it is full of sea debris, and the tapestries are all underwater. Just so we're clear, if I fucking drown here, I will come back and haunt any survivors."

FELIPE NO

I shrugged as the others walked past, quickly pocketing the gems and gold before heading after Beefi and the others. I kept my eyes swinging around the hall to be sure I would at least -see- the giant slime about to drop on my head.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I was nearly vibrating with glee at the chance to explore a misty cave, and as I bounded around the corner, I nearly salivated at the sight of a giant lock. A lock I could pick using me. I was frozen with the sheer overwhelming joy of choice. One was almost certain death in a cave. The other was almost certain death in a lock.

"HEY. COW. Do you want to pick a giant death lock or get lost in an endless death fog? Because I'm not gonna lie. I sort of want to do both."

How ya doing, buddy?

"WAIT!" I yelled after the cow. More torn now than ever. I'd never picked a floor lock. I mean, what even happens? You could use it as a trap for evil doers. They try to get the drop on you, and WHAM. Mouth full of FLOOR! However, I was concerned for my cow friend. So I finished my sentence. "It's a trick. Get an axe!"



There's nowhere I can't reach.