eHarmony.

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I'm fucking bitter because I'm the most obscenely staunch optimist you'd ever meet when it comes to people - but I'm proven wrong day after day after day.

If you continue to be proven wrong, then you're not optimistic. You accept your inherently negative perception of events rather then embracing a positive outlook. Kudos for trying to decieve yourself into thinking you're a more-than-reasonable person, though.

I agree with Minion that eHarmony can work for people, and not necessarily desperate people. People who get drunk at bars to meet other drunk people in hopes of making a drunk connection are just as desperate IMO. Being part of a community that uses mood altering depressant drugs to meet people is less desperate than using an online community based on personality traits? Mmmkay. As for Borders, it's an OK place to meet people, but people put too much faith in the ability to read. "OMG she reads books that have DRAGONS in them, she must be my soul mate!!!!"

Claiming eHarmony isn't a good way to meet people is rediculous in itself. It uses personality tests, etc etc. If you think your chances of finding someone compatible are just as good as if you'd go to a bar or book store, you're deluded. That's your "got to keep it REAL cuz i'm a MAN" 6th sense, while the rest of your brain is struggling to find any logical arguments to support your reasoning. The sense of "risk" and "adventure" that comes from meeting someone new at a store or bar doesn't increase your chances of compatibility no matter how much you'd like to think it does. If you look at it from a statistical standpoint, you're much more likely to find someone you can really get along with through a filtering of personality tests.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

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It's all just Luddite syndrome, I think. People are subconsciously afraid that technology will replace the human experience.

That fear is certainly understandable, but eHarmony is not intended to replace communication, but rather start communication. It's merely a people matcher. Now, if you continue to talk to your match through IM and email for the next year or so, that's your own issue. I see no problem going to bars or bookstores to meet new people and make new friends, but to go into those situations expecting to meet someone you'll actually have a deep connection with and marry is purely wishful thinking. Sure it may have been successful for some people, but if only 20-25% of the people who go to bars and bookstores find the love of their life (and that's being generous), an alternative method for finding a significant other is completely welcome

There's nowhere I can't reach.

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What happened to "getting to know a person" and failing a few times for experience purposes? Doing the work yourself and being able to determine whether or not a person is for you? This service just encourages those who are already socially inept to become MORE socially inept.

Here we go with this BS once again. Did you even bother to read this thread or did you just jump in? You don't get to know the person THROUGH eHarmony, eHarmony lets you meet someone that you'll have a good chance of liking. How does this eHarmony process have ANYTHING to do with "getting to know a person"? How you get to know that person depends on what you personally want to do after eHarmony gives you a match. And again with calling it's subscribers "socially inept." I'll join the stereotyping and say people who go to bars are abusive alcoholics, yay!

And for Christ's sake, LeHah was trolling, let's take a looksee:

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Look - you want to sit at home and jack off to porn the rest of your life, thats your doing. Don't go blaming the whole of humanity because you're some quack shut-in without any social skills.

Yea, that's certainly what to say in order to win an argument.

*For the record, I've never used any kind of matchmaking service.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

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I said exactly what I meant. You know what experience is? It means going out, testing the waters, and finding what you like all by your little self using that LUMP OF TISSUE 3 feet above your ASS. That requires going places, socializing, and trying to get to know people.

LOL I actually laughed at loud when I read that. It's so GRRRRR (though I guess my post earlier was as well)! Anyway, you don't socialize with the person through eHarmoney, you get to know they exist through eHarmony, and then you go out somewhere to socialize with them, get experience talking to someone new, etc etc. Hell, you could even go to a bar together if you want! All you naysayers are claiming this service replaces the experience of meeting someone, but it doesn't. All it simply does is make you aware of people that exist whom you'll likely have common interests and goals with.

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God forbid you'd actually have to go out, talk to a person and investigate what they're really like! You'd rather have a nice spreadsheet and image gallery to chose from, as though you were browsing for a used iPod on eBay!

Well, I'm not sure of all what they tell you about the person if you get matched up, but I doubt you get access to the surveys they took. eHarmony likely just says "hey, you'll probably like this person, go check them out," not "hey, you'll probably like this person, here's their entire profile." It may give you general things like "enjoys excercise" or crap like that, but any idiot knows that you'll have to actually meet the person to find out what they're like no matter what the survey says. Regardless, it's undeniable that eHarmony is a useful, and most likely a more successful way of finding a relationship than hoping to meet someone at a random bar or bookstore.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

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Bad analogy. Alright. What I am saying is that you're having people PRE-SELECTED for you to meet by a robot, essentially. That is NOT HELPING YOU AT ALL.

It's a bad analogy because when you go out to eat, your subject to the company's menu. You're not in control of your options. With eHarmony, you create your own. It's like own your own restaurant with your own menu, and eHarmony says "hey, this person made a similar menu like yours." Analogy FTW!

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Yea, maybe you guys should stop relying on your computers and actually go talk to some strangers. Not PRE-SELECTED strangers from group A B and C, or possibly the combination of one of the three.

Are you saying when you go to a bar or bookstore you aren't defining a pre-selected group? Bar = people ok with alcohol, people probably ok with smoking, people who are probably more social than others. Bookstore = people who enjoy reading in their free time, people who probably have a higher IQ than those at a bar, etc. Where you socialize automatically means your choosing one specific "kind" of person over another, so don't claim you're being open to all options. When was the last time you strolled by homeless people to find a date HMMMM? Maybe you'll find true love from a man living in a garbage can, or are you too worried about material wealth, mmmm? eHarmony is simply taking your filtering system one step further. The actual socialization with that person is left completely up to you.

I was speaking idiomatically.

God damn. The only "social" part you're missing out on by using eHarmony is the "what's your name, where do you live?" part, because that's the information eHarmony gives you. Why do you people continue to insist that eHarmony somehow takes away socializing??? Initiating socialization with said person is easier, yes, because you're both using eHarmony. But the actual TALKING TO SOMEONE NEW part still happens.

The only case you can make against eHarmony is that initiating conversation is made "less adventurous." And by "less adventurous" I mean you'll be surprised when you find out a lot of what they do probably won't piss you off, unlike that AWESOME realization you most likely come to when trying to meet people in a completely random fashion!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

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I really disagree. I think its very important to be able to get out there and not fear failure. Failure is as great as success. eHarmony caters to those who are afraid of failure. I think people need to stop worrying about it so much and learn from failure. Theres a lot to be said about learning from failure.

You and your retarded stereotypes. I bet most people on eHarmoney don't give a shit about failure. The reason it DRAWS people is because they want to stop wasting years of their life hoping a random encounter turns into a soul mate.

FELIPE NO

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Don't worry about cooking! Life can be easier with this wonderful invention called the drive thru. ITS NOT EVEN SPELLED RIGHT, but you get our drift, don't you? Thats all that really matters, isn't it?

That is the dumbest ass analogy in the first place, and makes no sense if you're relating it to eHarmony vs. random encounters. As I've said before, like THREE times now, eHarmony DOES NOT replace the part where you get to know someone! I mean do you even know what the fuck eHarmony is? Do you think it's some website that you and your match's minds JACK into and then date and get married THROUGH the website??? Sass you can't win an argument by dreaming up your own visions of what the website service provides. You have no logical basis for any of your arguments other than "these people are socially inept because I say so! go eat fast food dood!"

eHarmony is a filtering system, that is all. It filters out people you already know you won't like AS YOU YOURSELF define in the questionare.

You think this service somehow denies experience. IT DOESN'T. You have to meet, communicate and learn about this person on your own. And if it doesn't work out, you get REJECTED and learn that wonderful part of experience as well! I mean where the fuck do you get off saying it takes away experience? It takes away the experience of talking to random people, NOT the experience of dating someone. And if you believe the only healthy way to meet a prospective significant other is by talking to random people, you have your head up your ass.

*edit*

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If they were all socially excellent, they wouldn't need an internet dating service, would they?

Actually, THIS is the entire flaw in your argument. Being able to TALK to a random person doesn't mean you're going to like them, and it doesn't mean you'll be able find someone you'll want to date. How the hell can you make an assumption like this? You think the gods of love will magically guide you to that right person as long as you talk to every stranger you meet on the street?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

And I would put money on the fact that the people on eHarmony don't have that knowledge, considering they're on eHarmony looking for people like themselves.

Wrong. Your profile is is there for other people to filter out, and their profile is there for you to filter out. eHarmony doesn't match people who have the same interests, so much as it matches you with people that you say you'll like.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Sure, you eventually MEET the person and work in ONE DIRECTION, but you never really get any EXPERIENCE with people.

Here we go again with your bullshit argument that it doesn't give you experience. Experience with people is SEPERATE from trying to find someone to be with. Someone who uses eHarmony may go out to bars all the time and make friends, find out what they like about people, blah blah blah. eHarmony is for the specific purpose of finding a significant other, not for socializing and making friends and finding out what you like in someone.

In fact the argument can be made that people who use eHarmony already have experience, and have moved beyond that phase. They already know what they enjoy in someone and what they don't. If someone signs up for it without that experience, just assuming they know what they want, then yes they're socially inept and being dumb. But as for the number of people who do this, I don't know. You seem to think it's 90% of the people on there, a number which came from the part of your ass labeled "Sassafacts". I think it's more likely that people who sign up already tried traditional random-dating and didn't find anyone, thus they already have that experience and know what they want and don't want in a relationship.

Now if you disagree, PLEASE give me your definition of "experience," because it must be different than mine, and thus retarded and incorrect.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

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What does this even have to do with what I said, jackass.

You said on eHarmony people look for people like themselves, which isn't true. eHarmony matches you with whatever you say you like in another person, which may or may not be what you yourself are like.

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No, I think you made that figure up for me. I never said that.

No, you didn't say that, which is why I said "You seem to think." When you say "most people on eHarmony are inept social retards," it implies that a great majority of the people are in this category, and 90% was just a visualization. Nice job picking apart a sentence instead of actually responding to the point.

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You said it yourself. If a person disagrees with you, their opinion is "retarded and incorrect."

Because opinions can be "incorrect." You're a hilarious kid. Did anyone ever tell you that?

I said it jokingly because I like arguing with you . But I see you didn't answer or rebuttal my argument that there's no connection between joining eHarmony and loosing out on experience. I guess it boils down to that you believe in a perconcieved stereotype and I don't. (shit another cooking reference!)

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Again... no significant responses... is this a sign that you've lost the argument? *gasp*

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Can you tell me where I came up with the "90%" figure? You quoted me on it. I want to know where you got that. It establishes credability.

OK. Read what I say carefully now, it may be hard to understand. If person A says "Most Jews are retarded" every 5 seconds, person B may come up and say "You seem to be antisemetic." Person A cries "no i'm not, I never said that!" Now, apply this to our situation. You say "most of the people who use eHarmony are socially inept retards." I say "You seem to think 90% of eHarmony users are socially inept retards." You don't need to have actually SAID 90% in order for me to make an implication on what you believe. See, the word seem turns it into an implication, not a fact. Basic English.

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I'm guessing you like to put a lot of things in my mouth.

Oh, you have no idea... >.>

How ya doing, buddy?

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Not so much as my having to repeat myself over and over for you to understand what I am trying to get across to you. You've pretty much been the only person I've had to repeat myself over three times for, now.

LOL, that's exactly the same way I feel about you. This argument's getting kind of old now anyway though. I'm going to Japan in a year or so anyway, and I don't think eHarmony reaches that far. Japanese chics dig Americans though, so that shouldn't be a problem.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

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But it being an internet service and all.

Well it does advertise on TV, so it's not like it's only drawing people who spend their lives on their computer.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Yea, but that also means a much larger market is aware it exists. They probably only did it to make more money, but it also means there's a better chance you'll meet decent people on the site.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by russ

Also, re: using dating sites to meet people in your area who have similar interests to you, why not go out to a place which caters to this interest and see if you can meet people there.

A few posts back RacinReaver found this on the eHarmony website:

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At eHarmony, our compatibility matching looks at what is on the inside - the qualities that are vital to succesful relationships. We do not take things like life-style and shared interests into consideration as they hold a different level of importance for each individual. We invite you to share these items through the guided communication process and explore their importance to each of you.

In other words, interests like reading books and playing a sport aren't taken into account. These kinds of things are what you use if you go searching in your local area for people, but eHarmony thinks that these kinds of things hold no real value if you're trying to find someone you'll really be compatible with.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

But hey - arranged marriages often worked out back then.

This is the most ignorant statement you've made yet. I don't even know what to say. You belong in the 18th century.

FELIPE NO

It was mostly to point out your statement that "arrangemed marriages often worked out back then." That's because you couldn't get a divorce.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

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I'm not saying forceable arranged marriages are cool. When people CHOSE to be hooked up with a random stranger, thats fine by me. Chances are pretty good that it will work, considering the archetype of the persons getting married to random strangers.

I doubt that many people choose to be in an arranged marriage. They were born into that tradition and unless they want to alienate their entire family, they're going to get an arranged marriage. And I think if the person does have the choice, and they decide to get one, that's the worst possible option. It's like saying "I don't even want to try, just give me a random person and I'll suffer through whatever I get."

Jam it back in, in the dark.