Have you/would you stay with someone if they cheated?

So since the majority of you ladies seem to be saying you'd be more pissed if your husband was emotionally attached a woman, how do you draw this distinction between friendship attachment and uh, relationship-type attachment? Thing is - when a GF would tell me "oh I met this guy and he's really cool, blah blah blah" it's fine and all good as long as there's no physical intimacy. Relationship - sex = friendship in my mind, so emotional bonds she makes never represent an immediate threat like physical cheating does (unless our own relationship is shit). And I KNOW that whenever there's questions about hanging out with an opposite sex friend, the person will 99.9% of the time say "oh we're just good friends."

So in the case of cheating, why should emotional intimacy take precendence over physical intimiacy when emotional intimacy can easily be dismissed or mistaken for a strong friendship?

ps. in reply to the thread, I was in a relationship in which I got cheated on 3 times over 1 1/2 years and I stuck it out (due to the whole "i love you forgive me" bullshit), and it did get a lot better, but then crumbled appart entirely when she dumped me for another guy. Moral I learned: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I'd probably forgive the first time a girl cheats, but it's absolutely over if there's a second time.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by RAZGRIZ-2

I don't think you read closely enough. The point was we'd be less upset if he fucked some stranger, than if he fucked his friend. Physical intimacy is involved.

Sorry, should'nt have used "ladies" so much as "people who believe emotional intimacy is worse than physical intimacy." It was mainly directed at Alice's post:

Quote:

If my husband had a "moment of weakness" or whatever you want to call it and screwed some girl once - probably even if this happened more than once during the course of our marriage, I probably wouldn't leave him. On the other hand, if I found out that he had an emotional connection with another woman and was spending time talking to her on a regular basis, meeting her for lunch, taking long drives together, etc., even if he wasn't having sex with her, I'd leave him.

And plus, my ex was a diehard believer in this philosophy as well. It's hard for me to comprehend.

Double Post:

Originally Posted by GRUN-3

I once got very, very angry at my boyfriend because he was emotionally close to a person I did not like or trust. He was the kind of person who would say "there are no secrets between us, what's mine is yours" but he would protect her from me, to the point of telling her she can speak freely over chat becuase I wasn't in the room.

The issue here wasn't that he was speaking to another girl that you didn't trust. The issue was that he would have conversations with her about things he knew you would consider inappropriate. This shows different levels of commitment: he expected to be able to say what he wants to close female friends, you expect him to show moderation because of your relationship. Of course, I'm really generalizing here because I have no clue what the details are.

Originally Posted by GRUN-3

If you think I was overreacting to something that wasn't there, I guess it's a good thing that you and I are not in a relationship. All I'm saying is that if my boyfriend's friendship with someone starts resembling one of VG's cuddlewhore sessions, something is fucked

Well there's another factor at work here beyond "he shouldn't have been secretly talking to her." You didn't trust him enough to let him freely speak with this girl. In a truly trusting relationship I don't think this would ever come up as a factor, because you'd trust your significant other to know where to draw the line.

Originally Posted by GRUN-3

In short Falldragon, you said your girlfriend cheated on you three times in less than a year and she had very close male friends. Perhaps this should be telling you something. It is a mystery!

Well it was over 1 1/2 years (1.5), not less than a year. About every 6 months, haha. Also, I never said the guys she cheated on were close male friends. In 2 of the 3 cases they were practically strangers, or only knew each other less than a month.

But to sum up, I certainly know where you're coming from. You didn't like him developing close friendships with other girls you thought had bad intentions. I was the exact same way with my ex. However, I'd go on to say that this has it's foundation in the trust, and how much you can (or can't) expect out of him. In the ideal relationship, both people should be able to have strong friends with the opposite-sex but know where to draw the line, because they both know how to respect the relationship they're in.

Course, most of this is based off of my own past relationships, so it's complete opinion

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by GRUN-3

And seeing as though you don't know what the details are, maybe you shouldn't tell me what the issue really is. Why are you arguing with me?

Because I'm the argumentative type? Sorry. It was mostly because I went through the exact same thing, so I thought you might've had a similar understanding.

Originally Posted by GRUN-3

There are these seperate occurances of the same thing, and other seperate occurances of very similar things... I just can't add them up! It must be a major coincidence.

Not sure what you mean.

Originally Posted by GRUN-3

In the ideal relationship, friendships your mate makes should not creep you out. I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried if you disagree, or think that the problem lies in the creeped-out party.

I'm not saying it was your fault. He was purposely breaking your trust. My point was that strong friendships to opposite sex people can exist as long as you both know the boundaries of what you both expect.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.