D&D Arena: Brutal Bastards, Beegraks and von Brandt

It was the promise of female consorts, as well as the promise of a chance to slay without consequence and then be set free, which had brought the notorious Smothas Beegraks to the arena. His tale was a tall one, and it would only become moreso after the events that would transpire here.

Abandoned as a child, the dragonborn Smothas Beegraks was picked up by a patrol of lizardmen, face down in the mud, in a small swamp where they lived and held worship to their serpently god Zehir. Though he himself had no recollection of this, he had been left there by his parents, both Paladins who worshipped Pelor. Their order considered the child to be an abomination, for his exhalations had caused many whom he came in contact with to fall gravely ill. His charcoal scales were also of great concern, and the decision was made that the child was not meant to be in this world. Unable to go through with the act of slaying their own youngling, Smothas' parents decided to let the creatures who roamed the swamp deal the blow.

This would not be, and soon the young dragonborn would come to be worshipped and feared by the lizardfolk as a direct creation of, and heir to their god of shadows. A former shrine was converted into a living space for the young wyrmling, and freshly slain creatures were brought to him on a regular basis as nourishment. Once a month, a young female from the tribe would be brought to his quarters as a sacrifice, but beyond this Smothas had no contact with his benefactors, as they feared that their god would punish them for trying to petition him directly. The young lizardlings who where left at the shrine would never return, as the dragonborn took great pleasure in the most lewd of sexual acts, in the course of which he would eventually devour the reproductive organs of the unlucky ones who where gifted upon him. However, the young dragonborn was free to come and go as he pleased, and he would be quite steadfast in the defense of his domain, should any unwelcome visitors try to disturb his worshippers.

After living in this secluded manner for the first two decades of his life, our now mature and fearsome dragonborn came to be displeased with the ones who had sheltered him. One day, when his expected sacrifice failed to show up, he found his satisfaction by slaying the entire tribe and feasting upon the female members. As the carnage came to an end, he set off to explore the world in hopes of finding more of these creatures to prey upon.

His surprise and discontent were not negligible when he realized that he had just thrown away a lifetime's worth of prime lizard tail, and that his kin (which he thought the lizards to be until then) were not as common as he had hoped. After destroying half a dozen small villages, he came to a larger city and decided to observe the passers-by outside the gate, preying on the occasional traveler to satisfy his urge to kill. Female dragonborn, though rather uncommon, where his favored prey. Their breasts in particular sent him into a wild frenzy. Here he learned to understand the languages of men and of his kin by observing the interactions of those he stalked.

Unbeknownst to Smothas, the city guard began paying some of the city folk to investigate the disappearances which had been reported. One of them spotted the dragonborn sleeping in the marsh outside of town one day and decided to watch him from afar. Witnessing one of the kidnappings, he quickly went to the guard captain and informed him of what had transpired. The next night, an ambush was laid, and as a female dragonborn, who was a member of the guard, passed by the hiding spot as bait, the informant (who was decidedly a bit slow in the head) hollered to the guard captain as he watched the young female get fondled by the criminal dragonborn "That thar's the guy offissah! The one who smothas beeeg raks, and then keeels hees veeectims!" The guard swiftly came down upon the scene, but the dragonborn eluded their capture.

It so happened that the guard who wrote up the warrant for arrest had not slept in quite a while, and where the name of the criminal should have gone, he entered the reason he was wanted, like so: "Smothas Beegraks". The epithet would come to stick, at the time of his capture, as the dragonborn had so far not needed a name, living as he did in total seclusion. Many months would pass before he was apprehended though, and many more female dragonborn would feel the grasp of his scaly hands upon their chest.

Those who survived to tell the tale would amaze their surroundings when they told of the invigorating feeling that came over them when the "Dragonborn Smotherer Bandit" had gotten a hold of them… A more elderly one even reported having been completely healed of her rheumatism. It was after his capture that the dragonborn was given the choice to fight for glory in the arena, or be slain as he should have been so long ago...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

5 Dice Rolls *Crap shoulda rolled 4d6

As soon as Smothas stepped into the arena, he became distracted by all the noise caused by the people cheering. The dragonborn had, after all, spent most of his life in total seclusion. The second he came out of his daze and looked to his right, the figure who had been standing next to him was pelted by what he knew to be poisoned arrows. He could smell it. Unfazed, Smothas was about to lay his hands on the creature's chest, in hopes of finding something to fondle, when the bearded-one shot out a blast that made him turn his head to watch the results. Even more enticed by this display of power, The scaled one continued his motion towards the creature. The beard gave him pause only a slight bit, as he knew that some rare females did have fur on their faces, as the one he had caught on the edge of his domain, who traveled in a caravan with a bunch of other bizarre creatures. Not his favorite, but the humanoid was somewhat frail of constitution, and it seemed a better bet than the furries across the pile of rubble. The result of the gesture was quite unsatisfactory, and as his interest had diminished, his next reflex was for his second favorite thing. Mass slaughter of creatures who think they're tough.

Lay on hands on cyrus

Two of the creatures had already made their way to him, so he saw no reason not to show them the gravity of their mistake. His trusty flail in hand, he proceeded to send it first to his right, and the to his left in one fluid motion.

Arcing smite on Buggers B and C

Realizing that the others present had started the party without him, the dragonborn decided to compensate by immediately throwing out a second attack. Finally recalling the meaning of the term "buddy", Smothas decided to try and inspire his first ever companion in arms to get back into the fight.

Move to P9, if one of the Buggers OA's miss me, use Counterstrike Guards item power to dish it back out If they both miss, priority to bugger B
Spend Action Point
Resurgent smite on bugger B (Cyrus can spend Surge)
22 damage to bugger B

How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls Save vs. poison

"Aaachhhh! Furrrballs getting caaacky!"

Smothas exclaims as the buggers try and rend through him mockingly.

This will not do. Let's see what they've really got, he thinks, as he cries out to Zehir for aid.

Channel Divinity: Divine Strength
Valorous smite on bugger A

Missing his target by a mile, Beegraks decides to take a step back and reflect on his sudden inability to hit anything.

Shift to P8

done.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

6 Dice Rolls damage bugger C

Once again quite impressed at the flash displayed by his compatriot, who decidedly doesn't have a much better track record than him with hitting things, Beegraks decides that it's about time he showed that he too could be all flashy like.

Dragon Breath blast 5 out of the upper right corner of my spot so as to hit everyone else
9 damage to Lead Bugger
5 damage to bugger C
Both now marked by my Divine (Unholy?) Sanction

With a sudden burst of energy, Smothas runs straight up to the frontline and starts trying to apologize to his new best friend for almost spraying him with his rotten breath.

Second Wind, without using Cloak of Walking Wounded (so single surge used)
Move to O10 by way of P9
Ready Martyr's Blessing to use in the event that an attack would incapacitate C to the Von B, wether through pure damage or through ongoing poison left by the attack



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll I was blind but now I see

The dragonborn had no clue what had just happened. One second he was about to go tell his buddy that he wasn't intending to cover him in poisonous goo, and the next he was completely blind to everything around him. Maybe it was when he tried to step in front of one of the furries to get his buddy's attention that something happened. Decidedly, he had been stabbed in the side, this he knew.

Figuring there was nothing better to do than wait for his vision to return, the dragonman from right around Waterdeep decided to reach into his bag and grab one of those worker's hammers he had purchased to toss around should the occasion arise. He then braced for the possibility of another impact like the one he had just suffered.

Get a hammer out of my bag, holding my flail in the other hand
Total Defense



I was speaking idiomatically.

2 Dice Rolls Save vs. Brady

In his blinded haze, Beegraks fell prey to visions of what could be. Suddenly, a better world for all would be possible, if only he could teach everyone to read at a mages' guild level, they would understand that they were letting the monarchy control their lives and...

What the-



Throws hammer in the direction of where he last saw the assasin standing with his Giantkind Gloves while jumping in the air for style points
It's super effective!
15 damage to Assassin




What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

"Zehirrr looks well upon those with power who aid hisss Chosen. Buggerrrsss try to gang up on Beegrrraaaksss, but wizard help in ssslaughter."

He pauses.

"Announssser man sssoundss tassssssssty!!!"

Retrieves hammer of overkill
Uses 2 Healing Surges so as to get back to full health
Grabs 72 gold while throwing the gauntlets to his buddy
Sniffs around for the announcer man



How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls *Call social services

"GGRRRAAKKKK! What iss thisss? You not even bring any females."

And he's off! Pissed off, that is.

Charging Ardent Strike at Championne C
12 damage to championne C

Most amazing jew boots

6 Dice Rolls *he does too, apparently :o

"Hey missster wizard man. Leave some for Beegraks! And you, fat drrragon lady, you jussst crying because you got rejected. I should have ended your life the last time we met."

Shifts to M8
Channels Divinity: Divine Strength
Dragon Breath to the South
Action Point!
Arcing smite on remaining enemies
12 damage to both



Jam it back in, in the dark.

"Hehehehehehe! Big lady thinks she hurts Beegraks!"

Says he as he sticks his head in his cloak and covers himself with it.

Second Wind using Cloak of Walking wounded, spends two surges to get to full health

"Good thing I had thisss balm for my ballsss. Now, come back here and fight, oh fat one!"

Shield the Virtuous on Cyrus



There's nowhere I can't reach.

3 Dice Rolls *I'm confused

A bit befuddled by the wizard's ranting, Beegraks finally gets a hold of himself just in time to see the fat dragon lady land next to him.

"Good. Good. Come clossser."

Unyielding Faith
14 damage to big butt
Divine Challenge baby



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls *Big mama gonna bleed some mo

Seeing that his buddy had finally found an opening that would allow him to leave this pile of rubble, Beegraks proceeds to put his newly regained mobility to good use.

Move to K13
Renew Divine Challenge
Resurgent Smite
26 damage to Big Mama
Cyrus can regain 21 HP if he wants to spend a surge




I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Eat two cookies
Grab boots of soggy and put them on

As Beegraks was devouring the two cookies his wizard companion had left for him, he noticed the boots lying on the ground and decided to try them on. The SPLOOTSH sound they made when he put them on brought him right back home to his dank swamp, and he loved it.

When he finally reacted to the fat dragon lady getting up to leave, he got out his grappling hook as fast as he could, and swung it through the air in her direction. It was too late, however, as she had once again escaped his judgment.

"Grrrakkkk!!! Nexxxt time we meet, you will tassste death! I sswear thiss to you on the wizzzard'ss head!!!"

Moves to P9 to get closer to his buddy

How ya doing, buddy?

5 Dice Rolls *Virtuous damage on B

Somewhat surprised by the two giant tubes that just came out into the arena, Smothas takes a step back out of pure survival instinct.

Shift to Q9

Getting a hold of himself, the dragonborn brings the aggression down upon the worms in a timely fashion.

Dragon Breath to the North!
Virtuous Strike on B
Dunno what hit or not
12 damage to worm B


Decidedly, the worms were expecting the stinky breath. So sad.



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

6 Dice Rolls Wheel of fish

After hearing his partner in crimes story about the women in the inn, Zehir's champion is starting to understand why they had been put in this arena together. He thought for a second that he might have competition in the female companionship department if he didn't show his obviously superior physique off, and so he went ahead and ignored the warnings that unholy attacks might not be best in the current battle. Spinning his trusty flail once more for good luck, he slams it into the worms one after the other.

Arcing smite on both tubs

Well, at least in his head he slammed it into them. In reality, he was once again starting up a streak of "what will I miss now". So, so sad.

Action point!
Virtuous strike on tub B
24 damage (?)
Saved against ongoing damage
Shift to P10
Divine challenge against tub A

Well, it seemed the streak might not be a long one, as it had been at the very least broken temporarily.

Suddenly, Beegraks imagined himself standing next to a giant wheel, not unlike the one that he had once torn of a wagon to beat down its driver with, and it had all kinds of sparkling goodies represented on it. A little voice in his head kept telling him to spin it, so he did.



FELIPE NO

3 Dice Rolls Save vs randiance

Beegraks, reeling in pain from the Tubes intense shedding of light, suddenly transforms into a marble statue of a holy man. Slipping away from the worms, he takes the time to renew his challenge on the smaller of the two tubs before this happens, and wacks him with his flail as a parting gift. For good measure, of course.

Divine Challenge on Tub A
Bishop's move, free attack vs. tub A
7 damage
Shift to K14
Second Wind with cloak of walking bloody as all hell
Ongoing damage ended

As he turns back to his former handsome self, the dragonborn, somewhat unbalanced by what had just happened, takes time to reflect upon his experience by hiding from the light in his cape for a while.



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

3 Dice Rolls save vs annoyance

Emerging from his cloak to find that the light was just as bright as before, Beegraks decides it is time to invoke the god of shadows to rid this world of these pesky oversized orifices once and for all.

"Don't make me doubt my manhood!" He shouts as he steps into flanking position of the final light tube.

Shift to L14
Divine Strength
Valorous Smite on Tube
31 damage (?)
Smiles like an idiot at finally hitting something half for shit



Jam it back in, in the dark.

2 Dice Rolls *damagey damagey

As the second worm metamorphosizes back into his boney form, Beegraks breathes a sigh of relief from the extinguishing of the light. No time to stop now though, as these things still seem to be ready to devour him and his partner. Well, at least one of them does. The other seems to be enjoying a bout of masochism with the energy barrier. Somewhat aroused, the dragonborn decides to make its companion join in the fun.

Divine Challenge on whichever worm it is I'm close to
Basic melee attack on same worm
15 damage

BLAM! What a charitable action from our dragonborn. He takes a step back to admire his work.

Shift to J15



How ya doing, buddy?

1 Die Roll Worm puree

Well now. This is more like it. Trying to bring down a chosen of the god of shadows with attacks filled with dark energy? These worms truly are out of what little minds they do have.

Shift to K14
Basic Melee Attack Vs Worm A

Oh. Beegraks is back to his old tricks it seems. No reason to not keep taunting the things though.

Renew Divine Challenge



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Squirm, Worm

And here he goes again folks. Still trying to hit the worm with that flail of his.

Basic Melee attack vs. worm

Who would have guessed it. The dragonborn misses again. Seems like the only way he'll get to see this worms end is to keep egging it on while the magic man does his best to dispatch it.

Renew Divine Challenge on worm
Cry a little bit on the inside

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Ah! Thank you magic man! Mr. Vvvvvon Brrrrandt."

Says the dragonborn as he fits the belt onto his hips of swinging doom snuggly.

Beegraks then proceeds to scarf down his cookie and rest up a bit, what with the blood spurting out of him every which way and everything.

Put on belt
Mmmm Cookie
use one Healing Surge on top of the cookie



Most amazing jew boots

2 Dice Rolls Again to assassin B

"Huh? Magic Man, what did you do to these weaklings to get them so pissy?"

Beegraks inquisitively asks of his partner, Barely noticing the knife that bounced off of him.

"smells like poison. You guys like poison?"

He says as he turns towards the Assassins.

Move to F12
Dragon Breath from the Southwest corner so as to hit both assassins
9 damage to assassin A

"Tasty, isssn't it?"



How ya doing, buddy?

5 Dice Rolls *Goddamn it

Well, well, looks like these lowly thugs have got it out for the dragonborn. Too bad for them they won't be there to see their own heads explode, because they look like the types who could appreciate such a fine artistic gesture.


*Trade up 3 +1 tokens for a +2 token
Arcing Smite (boosted by +2 token), first on Thug A, and then on Thug B
11 damage to Thug A
Shift to F13
Action Point!
Majestic Halo on Thug B
15 damage to Thug B

Well, they might have to wait a bit for the fireworks, but Beegraks wishes to assure everyone that they will take place as promised.



FELIPE NO

Ah! Beegraks can smell the helplessness of one of the assassins, and he figures he might as well go and end him before he gets back up. In fact he quite ardently strikes him down.

Shift to G14
Charging Ardent strike vs. helpless assassin
17 damage to assassin
You have just been sanctionned, Matherfacker





How ya doing, buddy?

"What's that, magic man? Feel your thighs? I don't see why you want me to do that, but whatever drapes you grapes."

That dragonborn ear gold must be getting pretty thick in Smothas ears, because I'm pretty sure he didn't hear that right. Well, there he goes, swaggering like the drunken sleazeball that he is. All the way over to C to the Von B. Something about the way he moved distracted one of the thugs and Reynolds from Cyrus. I can't imagine what.

Shift to I14
Move to J13
Lecherous hands all over the Magic man
Thug B and Reynold be Sanctionned at the beginning of their turns courtesy of Beegraks' Wonderful, Majestic Halo




Jam it back in, in the dark.