D&D Arena: Brutal Bastards, Beegraks and von Brandt

As he gathers up the scraps again, Beegraks heads to the chest he passed to join up with Cyrus and inspects it thoroughly before opening it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Beegraks picks up the contents of the chest and heads over to Cyrus, who seems to be having some sort of conversation with the big metal man at the end of the hall. What he would be doing standing around in a place like this completely escapes the dragonborn's understanding, until he spots the two chest in the small passage next to him. Since the magic man doesn't seem too concerned with such material things as treasure chests and their contents (well, maybe just the contents, as he seems to be quite interested in box lids), Beegraks heads over to the chests quietly to avoid the metal man's attention and examines them carefully. These do not seem like ordinary chests, so the loot they contain must be extra shiny.

Head over to chests
Check for traps
If negative on the traps, try to open the silver one, if it is locked, try the keys



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dragonborn, upon hearing the deafening screams, promptly closes the lid with his elbow while plugging his ears, peeks over at Cyrus to see if he's noticed anything, and moves on to opening the golden sarcophagus.

How ya doing, buddy?

"Oh boy. What is it with chests being so annoying in this place? First, two boxes attack us and now these boxes are demanding nourishment. What does a box eat anyway?"

Beegraks thinks to himself as he repeats his previous gesture with the gold and copper chests. It is quite odd that Von Brandt has not come over to see what all the hoopla is yet. His conversation with the big metal man must be of the intense sort.



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Beegraks is somewhat puzzled by what he has just experienced with the boxes. Not quite sure what to do about it, he decides to go back and see his partner in crime to see if he has any ideas. Instead of seeing the magic man, he only sees the big metal man banging on the door up the hall. As he looks around for Cyrus, Beegraks notices the platinum pieces on the floor and decides to pick them up as sneakily as possible, so the big metal man won't notice him.

After quite a bit of pondering, Beegraks gets an idea and decides to put it into action.

He starts by adding three platinum pieces into the copper sarcophagus.
Then, he opens the gold sarcophagus and puts in ten platinum pieces quickly before closing it again.
Finally, he repeats the operation by placing the five remaining pieces into the silver sarcophagus.

Quite proud of himself for doing so much complicated reasoning in one go, Beegraks takes a moment to relax his very tense brain.



FELIPE NO

2 Dice Rolls YOU TRYING TO TRICK ME?

Beegraks is still somewhat confused by everything that just happened. The magic man seems to have been swallowed up by the big metal man from earlier. He thinks to himself that luck is not his companion's biggest asset, as since waking up in this cave he's first had his bones taken out of his body and attack him, was then nearly transformed into a goo puddle, and now he's been encased in a metal prison.

This goblin fellow seems like he has something up his sleeve. Beegraks peeks into the room which the little green man has gestured towards carefully, and he keeps his eyes open for anything that might give away the little man's intentions. The dragonborn's headache from all that complicated adding and dividing of things is still very much present, and he's in no mood to play around.

"Why do you want me to go in there alone little man? And why don't you want the magic metal man to follow me in there? And while we're at it, do you have any clue how we wound up in here? I suggest you consider your answers carefully."

Observe the goblin for any sign of deception
If the little man won't spill the beans, try to intimidate him



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

If Beegraks was still unsure wether or not Cyrus had in fact been absorbed into the big metal man, he could have no doubt after seeing his most recent antics. He should have known that no cave dwelling spirit could nullify the magic man's inexplicable will.

Since the goblin doesn't seem to have any tricks planned for the immediate future, The dragonborn decides to go along with his plans for now.



Jam it back in, in the dark.

"A locked chest you say? Could you show it to me before we follow you to wherever it is you want us to go?"

Beegraks asks the little green man, remembering the two keys he found while dealing with the screaming boxes.

Try to open the treasure box with them thar keys



There's nowhere I can't reach.

8 Dice Rolls Hey Von B, check this out

Beegraks was pondering how sometimes Von Brandt's genius got simply rendered comprehension of the simplest things almost impossible for the magic man. Otherwise, he would have caught on to the obvious phallic reference of the goblin's pseudonym much earlier on and he wouldn't have wasted so much time thinking about it. Really.

"Bonnor".

That wasn't clear enough for him?

As Beegraks chuckles to himself at the goblin's ill chosen alias, the Rulk's giant hands swing by his face just in time for him to duck under them and swing his flail in retaliation.

Activate Counterstrike Guards power for free swing on the Rulk
Activate Giantkind Gloves encounter power (+2 damage)
9 damage to the Rulk

Beegraks slides swiftly to try and rejoin his companion before swinging his mighty flail at his enemy again. And again. He also spits his rank breath at them for good measure.

Shift to M22
Dragon Breath towards the north east, so as to hit both enemies but not Von B
9 damage to Smarno, sanctionned
Unyielding Faith on Rulk
29 damage to Rulk, sanctionned until the end of the encounter
Action Point! (I gain 5 temp HP thanks to Fireheart tattoo)
Resurgent Smite on Rulk
Had to miss sometime didn't I

Though he tried to inspire Von Brandt with his final swing, the fact that it went wide of such a big target really didn't help Beegraks' cause.



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

3 Dice Rolls *HAAAAYO!

The dragonborn starts reeling from the pain of the golem's immense frame ramming into him, and once again he notices the giant wheel that had once before been spinning over his head.

Spin super fun spin prize fun spin!

He shakes it off and gets right back to swinging his flail at the golem as though it were a fly swatter and the Rulk was one of them big swamp bugs that Beegraks had to deal with on a regular basis for most of his life. This time, he calls Zehir up to ask him for a little bit of assistance.

Divine Strength
Valorous Smite the Rulk
19 damage!
Shift to O23

As his flail rips off another large chunk from the Rulk, Beegraks ducks around the nearest corner in anticipation of the inevitable counter-push. He wonders how Iron Brandt is dealing with the little green pest seeing that they have somehow become separated once again.

"Hey Magic Man! Give him one for me would ya!"

What a good friend. Always so encouraging.



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

2 Dice Rolls *Rulk rip

This cave just keeps getting stranger with every passing minute. Beegraks could swear that after the boxes, it was now the walls that were talking to him. What password could the little green man possibly have set on this door anyway?

Move to O22, passing through P23 to avoid OA
Villainous strike on Rulk
Use +1 token
11 damage to Rulk

Beegraks almost misses with his attack, distracted as he is with talking walls and such. But the Rulk turning his attention towards the metal magic man gives him the opening he needs to rip another pound of flesh from the giant's back.



I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Pangalin

"Beegraks, you may have noticed that the goblin isn't dead yet. I cannot recall a single previous occasion in all my life when a goblin has survived more than a minute after meeting me, and yet, here we are. It's farcical. I blame myself; but also, and more importantly, I blame you."i

"Magic Man, why do you have to always be so quick to blame everything on me? I've had about enough of your negative feelings and accusations. I try my best you know! It isn't easy being as bad as I am and still being on top, especially when everyone is out to get me out of jealousy for my handsome face and able hands. You may not believe it but I have feelings too!"

It seems that the dragonborn didn't take well to Cyrus' comments on his abilities. He seems set on clearing his heart of the heaviness that it bears.

"Did you know that I've never even met my parents? That the lizardfolk who raised me where only using me for my strong connection with the great Zehir? I never had a childhood because of them, it was always "You've got to sit around and be worshipped today, you can't go out with the other kids and roll around in the swamp goo. You know you're really lucky to be a chosen such as you are, the other lizards would kill for the chance to live even a day of your life." Well you know what was the first thing I did when I was done eating their flesh and breaking their bones? I went and rolled in the swamp goo. FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS!"

Wow it's really coming out now. It must be all the female hormones that Smothas' has ingested through the years out of his favorite sexual practices that are getting to him.

"Did you know that I let the guard catch me and bring me into the arena, just because I was so tired of living alone in the shadows with no one to talk to or do activities with?"

Looks like the big one is coming...

"DID YOU KNOW THAT I'VE NEVER KNOWN HOW IT FEELS TO LOVE?"

Beegraks is weeping like a little female wyrmling now. He embraces Cyrus and puts his cape in front of them in such a way that their foes cannot see them. He's whispering in Von Brandt's ear now.

"I'm sorry I didn't help you out with the little green man, buddy. I thought you had noticed the big towering collection of flesh pieces that was trying to grind my bones into powdery dragonborn dust. I'm sorry I was so harsh buddy. We're still buddies, right? Right?"

Lecherous hands on Cyrus
Second Wind with Cape of the Walking Wounded for major health recovery

Try to hold back the tears

With that the dragonborn suddenly feels re-enrgized and ready to take on an army of little green men and giant collections of rotten flesh. Let's hope he'll be able to deal with just one of each first.



Most amazing jew boots

2 Dice Rolls *Gimme gimme crit damage!

Seeing the dead Goblin has awakened a part of Beegraks that he had not been in touch with for quite a while now. Seeing that green corpse on the floor, he felt for a moment as though hi was back in Danang, his swampy homeland.

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The boggy morass with all of its many persistent insects that would keep the fairer skinned races out of his domain, the enchanting aroma of putrid corpses and plants decomposing, and most importantly, the great feast that he had prepared for himself was in front of him once again, all those poor weak lizard people who had tried to harness his connection to the divinity for the better part of his young life. Oh, the sweet music of the young and the women screaming in agony while his claws ripped their flesh, weakened as it was from his toxic regurgitating of the muscle tissue of the defenders of their society, warrior and elder alike falling to the dragon's demented rampage. Then, he would wash it all down with a good tall drink of that delicious, black goo.

Ah, the sounds of crunching bones and organs being ripped from their places of rest only to be devoured by the paladin as so much more fodder to fuel him in his total annihilation of their society, how he had longed to relive that moment in his deepest moments of isolation. Much as he had subsequently enjoyed destroying hamlets and farming concentrations, there was nothing that could compare to that first taste of mass destruction. Perhaps it was the enchanting atmosphere of Danang, or maybe the near cannibalistic experience of eating so much of the flesh of a race of close relatives.

But there was something in the air that made it so very special, that much was clear.






-------------------





"Hey! You big lug! Let go of my lunch!"

Shift to P22
Try and get the pack from the Rulk by swinging my flail at whatever part of its body is holding it with a Villainous Strike
30 damage


The dragonborn really wants his lunch. He really REALLY wants it.



FELIPE NO

Beegraks dashes towards the remains of Smarno. How long it has been since he's had this kind of meal he cannot recall, and that will make it all the sweeter.

As he cracks open the goblin's skull and starts feasting on the juiciest part of his meal, an idea hits him like a ton of dead kobolds. He starts carefully carving off the goblin's face with his claws and sticks it onto his skull helmet as best he can. Then, he puts his helmet back on and starts shouting to the Rulk as loud as he can.

Spoiler:

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Decidedly, that wasn't the performance of the century. Beegraks' ventriloquist skills were just about as good as his own or Cyrus' social skills. Which is to say shit poor.

But then, the Rulk certainly wasn't a genius either, so it could still go either way.

Head over to Smarno's remains and face steal
Try and coax the Rulk to break down the password door




What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Beegraks is rather disappointed at his failure to get the Rulk to obey him, but on the other hand he's got himself a rather handy mask in case other changelings are around. There's no way they'll be able to tell the difference, he thinks.

Though the brains were pretty tasty, the rest of the body is not quite up to the dragonborn's taste, so he takes a few bites here and there and decides it's time to go and find something else to entertain himself with. After picking up the circlet, he remembers the chest that Smarno referred to and immediately heads on over to it to try and open it up.

Use one healing surge
Head over to the chest at W18 and try to open it with the keys


In passing him, Beegraks has a thought for his friend. Maybe this little metal circle thing will help him from having any other parts of his body get loose and attack them?


"Hey Metal Magic... uh... Cyrus, do you want this little circle thing for your head?



Jam it back in, in the dark.

Beegraks goes back into the hall and is about to call out to Cyrus for help when he suddenly notices the goblin's things on the ground. As short an attention span as he has, the dragonborn immediately ventures of to sift through the goblin's things.

Grab Smarno's mace, and examine his pack and everything in it, taking whatever is useful.

As he is done getting the goblin's goodies, Beegraks remembers the embarassing orb situation and peers into the corpse room, Gesturing at Cyrus to follow him before going back into the orb room to be perplexed some more.

Seriously, this shit's got me racking my brains here.



There's nowhere I can't reach.

The dragonborn watches with excitement as Cyrus works his magic. The simplicity of the design makes him feel ashamed of not being able to figure it out himself, but even that quickly vanishes as he lays eyes upon the magnificent beast that materializes before him.

The beast is quite a sight to behold indeed, with its single horn protruding from its head, symbolizing to Beegraks the masculinity of this majestic beast. What Beegraks doesn't realize is that the beast before him is actually female, but then he never was a great master of anatomy, even with his many experiences with the fine art of the vivisection.

Beegraks' first reaction is for his apetite, and he immediately tries to sink his claws into the beast to start tearing it into bite sized chunks, but at his amazement, the beast's skin is as tough, if not tougher than his own, and the dragonborn suddenly gains a lot of respect for this fine beast. His scratching motion even seems to please the beast, and Beegraks continues in a more friendly manner when he notices this.

Smothas haphazardly tries to mount the beast to see its reaction, and to his surprise, there is very little resistance. As he finally settles on the beast's back, he feels he should find a way for the beast to know he is addressing it, and he thinks long and hard about it, before uttering quite proudly:

"Go! Horny!"

Free lesson of the day: children might have an incredible imagination in general, but that doesn't necessarily mean that someone with the mind of a child does.

I guess the species is that of an indian rhino, since it only has one horn? Or are there D&D specific rhino species?



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

As he's getting used to his new ride, Beegraks decides to go investigate the chamber where the shapeshifter had gone to seek refuge from the duo. Hopefully there would be something of use in their current situation hidden there.

Move to top left room and search for anything useful or out of the ordinary




I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Beegraks watches as Von Brandt sit in the erotic chair, screaming something about gaining more power. Horny is evidently agitated by all this, and as Cyrus starts screaming for Beegraks to flick the switch, Horny starts moving about wildly, and it isn't long before her horn grabs the switch and flicks it.



I was speaking idiomatically.

Beegraks never ceases to be amazed at the Magic Man's ability to turn a bad situation into something that was worth it. Though the pain he went through to get there seemed rather intense, Von Brandt looks rejuvenated more than ever with his newly minted head.

After the amazement settles down, the dragoborn searches the room over for any hint regarding the password door that he encountered down the hall. If the goblin had retreated into this room, there must have been a reason, he thinks.



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

As Beegraks tries to figure out where exactly these 5000 twats are, he decides that since they clearly aren't in this room it's time to get on with some more searching action.

Directing Horny towards the password door, he gets her riled up enough to charge into the door, hoping to break it down.



FELIPE NO

Beegraks comforts the beast upon hearing its cries of pain, and then gives the order to keep up the charge, for the good of the cause. They've been in this dank cave too long, and a dragonborn needs that fresh air every now and again.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

As Beegraks spots the beast in the pool of blood, he freezes for a moment to consider what he could possibly do to make it go away. Not finding anything at the moment, he quickly indicates to Horny that now would be a good time to get the hell out of here.

Move back into the corridor as fast as Horny can



Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll hell of it

Beegraks is really in it now. Not willing to stay here and eventually have his blood be added to the pool that lay on the other side of the big ugly beast, he directs horny towards the small corridor to the north of their current position.

Dragon Breath at the tarrasque, for the hell of it
Double move towards the tunnel at N-4, continuing as far as my movement will allow


Beegraks throws a parting spit at the beast, which doesn't seem to affect it one bit. Oh well. Surely that will at the very least enrage it more.



There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll Trickery be gone! (insight)

Beegraks starts reflecting on the fact that he might finally be at his end. Funny it should be by being devoured by a scaly creature himself, had he had done to so many before him. And the magnificient beast he had just met would probably be devoured before his very eyes. Funny that Cyrus didn't find a way to him... Wait, what's that sound?



How ya doing, buddy?