D&D Arena: Brutal Bastards, Beegraks and von Brandt

Seeing no better alternatives at the present movement, Beegraks decides to camp inside his trusty cloak for a little while.

But not before reaching into Von Brandt's back and sneaking out the bottle of wine he had hidden between all his Magic Man like things. I mean really, who carries a rabbit around in their man-purse anyway. Even this idiot of a waste of lizardskin has seen that trick before.

"Thanks Magic Man! I owe you a drink!"

grab wine bottle from Von Brandt's bag
Expend two healing surges using Cloak
Woot! regain 44 HP thanks to belt
Take a drink of that sweet juice



There's nowhere I can't reach.

4 Dice Rolls still crunk?

Beegraks was feeling quite good about himself there. This day was getting pretty long and he'd barely had any tail or drink. When he spotted that bottle in Von Brandt's bag, the battle didn't seem to matter so much anymore. If no females besides that fat-assed dragon were gonna present themselves in the arena, he might as well indulge in what small pleasure was available. Slaughtering was good fun, sure, but after a while even that lost some of its appeal from the lack of variety.

Then, a sword comes through his cloak and into his little sanctuary, nearly running him through. And look at that hole. Where's he gonna find someone to mend it in a place like this? Back to slaughtering I guess.

Not even taking the time to finish his last drink, Beegraks emerges from his seclusion and focuses down the assassin that just damaged his favorite accessory.

"PPffff!"

Now that's what I call sour grapes! Flailed to perfection!

Wine vomit assassin
Ardent strike on Assassin
11 damage to Assassin (if this doesn't kill him, make use of Giantkind gloves encounter power to add an extra 2 damage
shift to K14

That went exactly as Beegraks had planned it. While dodging the wine, the assassin missed the fact that a massive spiked ball had also departed for his face from the other side.

And just like that, the dragonborn sobered up.

"Magic man, I think you got gipped on the grape juice. Or you like lady's wine. Either way, I need another drink!"



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls *How many crushed organs?

"Heh. Looks like all your friends left you to die!"

Says Beegraks to the last remaining thug as he proceeds to bring his flail into the thug's abdomen.

Move to M14 through L15
Use Belt of Sacrifice to give Cyrus one final Surge by giving up my last two somehow thought I had two surges left
Resurgent Strike on Thug
20 damage to Thug



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

A world full of nothing but busty dragonborn wenches. Beegraks sure lucked out this time. He'd heard of portals leading to alternate realities in the past, but this was the first time he'd actually gone through one. What's more, every one of them were ready to submit to his every whim and will! Look at them all, kneeling before him, and rubbing him all over with their fancy dragon lotions. Oh, Beegraks reaches out and grabs him something sweet. Oh yeah. She likes it. And another one. Oh boy. Sweet, sweet luck this time for Beegraks.

Hey, what's that boulder doing on that ledge over his head? Ah crap, looks like it's headed his way...

BAM

A rude awekening for Beegraks if he's ever had one. Not quite sure what actually just happened, Smothas starts looking around a bit before catching on that it was all just a dream. Grumbling and cussing as he gets up, he realizes it was the magic man that delivered the blow, and that he didn't quite luck out as much as he'd wished. Quite the opposite in fact, it seems like he is stuck in this shady cave for a while. He didn't even get a taste of the announcer man's flesh, and he certainly doesn't seem to be down here with them.

Looking at the Sorcerer leaning against the wall, Beegraks walks towards the alcove to their right and peers into it inquisitively to notice the lever at the back of it. Being the born lever-puller that he is, he proceeds to do just that, while grasping his Flail in his other hand.

Stand up from prone.
Walk to lever.
Pull Lever.
Stay alert,
bom
bom
stay safe



I was speaking idiomatically.

"Well." the dragonborn thinks to himself. "Now I know what this does!" And with that he attempts to return the lever to its former position.

Most amazing jew boots

1 Die Roll O pot, where are you from?

Somewhat confused as to what had just happened, the dragonborn finally decides to just shrug it off and get on with his exploration of his newly found abode. Seeing that the magic man had stopped suddenly in front of the third alcove, Beegraks proceeds to peer down the alcove. Noticing the pot at the end of it, he lifts up his flail above his head, glad that he finally gets to do some smashing. Yet, in an uncharacteristically prudent fashion, he stops short of bringing the flail down on the pot and instead decides to investigate it more closely and carefully instead of destroying it.

Move to I6
History check on pot to determine origin

FELIPE NO

"Magic man, have you been smoking those magic rocks again? Didn't I tell you to warn me before you do that, so I can get in on that action?"

After standing in awe for some time at his partner's somewhat over the top reaction to what was decidedly a rather benign vase, The dragonborn stuff's the scraps of paper inside his bag for later use.

Nonchalantly exiting the alcove, Beegraks moves southward towards the next one and peeks in.

How ya doing, buddy?

"Magic man, how did you get your bones out without the blood spilling all over the place? It amazes me to no end! Don't worry, I'll keep them in top shape and we will get them back into you in no time!"



Beegraks shouts in reverent amazement as he start barreling down the hall towards the fight.

Double-move as far down the hall as I can



Jam it back in, in the dark.

2 Dice Rolls *Pretty big I guess

As he's about to start crushing some bones, Beegraks suddenly recalls that the magic man wanted to conserve the bones so he could get them back into his body. And so, the paladin decides to meticulously feel the magic man's body to be sure that he doesn't crack some important parts. The pelvic area especially needs to be preserved, what with Von Brandt's amazing dancing abilities, and so the smotherer bandit spends a lot more time checking that region than the rest.

Lecherous Hands on Von Brandt

Now confident that he'll get it right, he proceeds to lay his flail into the remaining skeleton.

Ardent Strike to Skelly A
Skelly A Dismembered

As soon as the skelly falls from the hit, Beegraks starts to study the damage and see if anything needs to be glued up for Cyrus to be comfortable in his own skin again.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

3 Dice Rolls *domage skelly A

"More bags of bones want to play! Bring it on bonesies!"

As Beegraks is taunting the bonebags, he steps forward and braces for impact, seeing that they are obviously waiting for just this opportunity. He readies his arcing smite in great anticipation.

Move to Z2, ready arcing smite to both skellys
Skelly A go byebye



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

As the bones crumple at his feet, the dragonborn swings his flail one last time at the pile before realizing what this might mean for his friend's reconstitution.

As he notices that the magic man is a bit distracted, Beegraks, acting as nonchalantly as he can, whistles and goes back into the last alcove to check the contents of the barrel, hoping that Cyrus doesn't notice that his bones are now in quite poor shape.

Move to barrel and inspect
Spend a healing surge



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The dragonborn peers into the barrel and hesitates for a moment. It's been a while since he's feasted and if this goo can fill his belly then so be it. After sticking his hand into the barrel, he proceeds to take it out and take a generous lick of the goo. He pauses for a moment to determine whether or not he can bear the taste of it, and also whether or not he has gone deaf, dumb(er), blind, or stone dead since ingesting it.

Take a lick of that goo
Observe (enjoy?) the effects



I was speaking idiomatically.

As he observes the magic man's behaviour, Beegraks stands befuddled once again. Does the magic man eat through his skin? Smothas briefly considers devouring Cyrus, since he is now coated in what would have been his dinner. The magic man has proven his usefulness on more than one occasion however, and the dragonborn decides to curb his urges and instead nourish himself on the oil that remains in the barrel after his partner has taken his share.

Gobble up as much of the oil as possible

Now that his hunger has somewhat subsided, he heads southwards, towards the previously revealed levers. Once again, being the born lever-puller that he is, he proceeds to flick the switch, watching for any hint of danger to his dragonly person.

Move to AA1
Pull that lever!



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

2 Dice Rolls *How high?

As he starts reeling from the sickening ooze he's just ingested, Smothas starts imagining that a couple of oozy boxes have started attacking the magic man. As he pinches himself to confirm that this cannot be, he realizes that maybe it can. And it most probably is, as Von Brandt has just let out a scream of agony that can't possibly have taken place in his imagination. In any case if it has, he might as well play along and try to help his buddy out.

To help preserve his partner's good health, the dragonborn decides to petition Zehir for his aid before proceeding to charge his flail into the box that is stopping him from reaching his partner. No box, eccentric as it may be, will keep him from his only friend in the world for very long.

Shield the Villainous on Von B
Divine Mettle to help Von B get out of a "sticky" oh ho ho situation
ACTION POINT!
Charging Ardent strike to Chesty LaRue
14 damage to Chesty




FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll Gabble-de-gook?

Now here's a predicament. What with the somewhat obscured lighting in this part of the hall, it's kind of hard to tell which blob is the magic man and which is the one trying to swallow him. That oil covering Von Brandt does indeed give him a similar texture to their foes. Only one way to find out where the line between the two blobs is drawn.

Let's feel it out!

Lecherous hands on Von Brandt

Now somewhat certain where his friend is in all this goo, Beegraks proceeds to take out one of his trusty hammers and chucks it just over where the mass that is purportedly Von B. ends.

get out one of them thar hammers
Chuck into da goo using Giant's Throw

As his hammer is absorbed into the goo that is Chesty LaRue and eventually settles, he ponders the effectiveness and thoughtfulness of such an attack long and hard.



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

5 Dice Rolls *Damage the Boxy

All this goop oozing around is starting to make Beegraks' head spin. As he tries to regain his composure, he notices that suddenly he has completely lost sight of the magic man. Not only that, but the path he came from seems to have vanished into thin air, or rather, into a wall.

As he is about to start wallowing in despair, he suddenly remembers something that he overheard a traveling merchant saying to a gathered crowd whilst he was hiding in some nearby bushes:

"Friends, life in these dungeon-y times can be trying on even the best of us. Do you ever feel like you've lost your way? Does your age make it seem like there are walls where there were no walls before? Despair no more friends, for the solution is clear. These new acid flasks have a more powerful wall disintegrating formula which will make even the most obstructed paths clear for passage as they were on the day they were first plowed. Yes friends, these new acid...."

Having gleened the necessary information from his recollection, the pin-brained reptilian springs into action. Not necessarily too keen on the difference between acid and poison, the dragonborn wastes no time in spewing his putrid stench on the wall and consequently the blob in front of it.

Dragonbreath towards them thar goops
Resurgent smite on Boxy
19 damage to Boxy

Seeing no change whatsoever in the wall, Beegraks concludes that either the merchant was lying or there something that doesn't quite make it in his breath. Hence, it's gotta be that lying merchant. This doesn't stop him from laying his flail into the ooze that sits next to the wall. His trusty flail seems much more reliable in the domain of goop splattering than the wimpy hammer he'd previously tried (and some would say succeeded a little too well) to lay into the goop pile.



Most amazing jew boots

1 Die Roll My valor is better than yours

This blob isn't fooling anybody any longer. Beegraks, finally catches on that the objects that are suddenly materializing in front of him are really just the blobs trying to trick him. Well, no more.

Valorous smite on Boxy swing and a miss
Divine Challenge on Boxy

Still, the blob's chosen form this time is enough to distract the smotherer-bandit enough that his flail goes way wide of its mark.



There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll Vile villainous villainy

As the statue returns to its goop form, Beegraks prepares to end its goopy reign of goopness. There is a limit to the amount of gelatine the dagonborn can digest in a day, and he went past that limit back when Cyrus decided to bath in it. This ball of goo is just reminding him of the sickness he's been feeling since, and it's about time it quit that.

Perhaps this flail could be of use in helping Boxy learn when to quit?

Divine Challenge on Boxy
And now the Villainous Strike

Yet again, the dragonborn strikes out. But then, does anyone really expect him to hit anything anymore?



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

2 Dice Rolls *KA-boom

Beegraks finally comes to a stop after spinning like a wild man from his last flail swing, and he barely takes time to stabilise himself before starting up another one. Thank Zehir for that dragonborn low-center of gravity, and for Beegraks' unusually dense skull.

Renew Challenge
Villainous spinning strike
13 damage to Boxy (before DR)

That first turn must have given Beegraks extra velocity, because this time Boxy doesn't have the necessary reaction time to get out of the way.



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Finally the blobs have subsided. as he slowly starts walking back down the hall towards the final possible exit from this hall of blobs and bones, Smothas' feels somewhat refreshed and ready to go back in action, although his nausea still hasn't subsided.

"Let's just hope the magic man's magic-rock-smoking-inspired insanity is gone."

The dragonborn thinks to himself. If only he were so lucky. Then again, Beegraks is starting to feel a bit wacky himself. It might be the mix of nausea and the confined space that are getting to him, or it just might be that his attention span isn't that great to begin with.

Use one surge to recoop a bit
Pull lever at U3 (that is, if we haven't done that yet)
Observe effects
Walk over to O3 and peek down the hall



I was speaking idiomatically.

His hand's on the lever, folks. You know what's coming...

"Oh what's this? EMU... LEMER.....
EMERGENT!
Yes that's right. Now on to the next on... SCALE... SKALAKON...
SKANK!
Hum... TRA... RAT... RAMP...
RAP?
One more huh... and it's a big one too...
...
...
Wait, I've seen this one before! It's REPLICATOR!
...
..
So... this... is... an... EMERGENT SKANK RAP REPLICATOR?..."

Now here's a pickle. Beegraks, knows what most of these words mean seperately... but together they seem to suggest something that he's not sure he wants to see materialized. He recalls the one time he'd seen a skank rap and he's not sure he wants more of it. He could go for a bit of the female type companionship, and it wouldn't be the first time he ripped out vocal chords to shut a bitch up.

All this thinking is starting to hurt Beegraks' head, and there hasn't been enough lever pulling going on since the goo balls interrupted the duo's last session.

Most definitely pulls that lever



Most amazing jew boots

well, that certainly wasn't what the dragonborn expected, but after all the lever pulling he's done today, he really isn't too surprised at what just happened.

He takes a moment to lick his wounds before standing up.

use another Healing surge
get up stand up



FELIPE NO

Since the magic man seems set on taking all of Beegraks' lever pulling fun away, and since he does run a lot faster than the bulky paladin, Beegraks decides to go back and open the chest that he suddenly remembers having laid eyes upon but not opening because of Cyrus' sudden brush in with a ball of bones.

Go and open chest at M6



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Looking into the chest, Beegraks gets an idea that is a bit more brilliant than his usual fare. First stuffing the scraps of paper into his bag with the ones he had picked up before, and he then dons the Skull Mask before enacting the next part of his plan.

Equip Skull Mask
Sneak up on Cyrus
Peek-a-boo!



Jam it back in, in the dark.

"Oh hey Magic Man, I think maybe we should look at this, could be important. You seem to know a bit more about this hocus-pocus stuff than I do, maybe you can figure it out."

The dragonborn says as he takes out the parchment scraps and tries to put them into the correct order. What does it all mean?



There's nowhere I can't reach.