My cousin just died...

If you aren't affected by the physical aspects of emotional downed-ness, it's most likely a type of indifference. Like myself, I don't cry at anything. If I get stabbed, no tears. If a family member were to croak and roll over dead, no weeps or sobs. I don't know how, but that's just the way I am.

It's not that I DON'T care. Infact, I do. But to not show it, what am I supposed to do? Cut an onion open and fake the crying?

However, to my understanding, people who do not react physically to emotional times are people in control. The ones emotionally outbursting their tears and cries for help are too occupied. Their effort to show the status of saddness their heart is in is infact draining their body of energy. Yes, crying does make you tired, it does make you less active later on in the day. Why do people who cry from some emotionally disturbed time feel so down to such a large, and evident, degree throughout a day? Because they've spent a majority of their energy doing the symbolic representation of their saddness. And they have no energy left to spare to feel upbeat or ready to slap someone. They're tired, upset, depressed, sad.

So, in a sense, your lack of display of emotion isn't bad. You just don't handle the situation like "usual" people would. You're a person in control and ready to move on. What's done is done and you know there's nothing you can do to salvage the life of your friend. No hocus pocus alright.

Jam it back in, in the dark.