Changed for the better

I sure have changed through the recent years, I'm an always changing person, I don't know if it's for the better though.

I used to be shy and wasn't always so fond of befriending new people, until one day about 2 years ago when this real friendly girl befriended me, and I thought, I want to be just like this girl, I need to change this attitude and be friend with everyone! I braced up, made a fresh start with a whole new image of myself.

Well, so I did change and got a lot more friends, nowadays I'm friends with more or less everyone in my surroundings, or you could say I'm not at bad terms with anyone (that I know of). But then after these 2 years I've realized that I don't have that many close friends (if any) except some of my old friends, and because of me being friends/at good terms with so many kinds of people it's almost like I don't know who I am anymore since I don't know which kinds of people I'd feel best hanging out with around here, or what I really feel about people. Sometimes I just feel like being with mature people and sometimes with crazy ass people who likes to have fun and so on. I feel like being somewhere in between, but I just haven't found anyone that is really like me (except my best friend who moved away and I rarely see him nowadays).

I learned to converse with all kinds of people; So if I feel like it I could talk with people that are considered weird or are generally hated or that I don't particularly like that very much in the first place because I believe most people have some good sides to them, and they usually have. But it actually feels like this is partly what has kept me from getting real close friends in one way because people see me talking with these people that are not liked (many times for shit reasons too), so therefore it feels like people don't know what "side" I have chosen.

I really don't feel like I belong in any group around here because of all this, mainly because I never get let in more than on the surface. And it feels somehow like I've lost my identity somewhere on the road. So sure, I'm living proof that people change, as of yet I don't know if it's for the better or the worse though.

Hmm maybe I got a bit off topic, but I usually do so forgive me

I always get a sense of change whenever I read something thoughtful or listen to some great and inspiring music, I feel many times like I will do anything to change who I am for the better, but I always get lost somewhere and in the end I rarely achieve anything.

Haha, ah well, I'm such a messed up individual.

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