Being too much of a friend to girls

I have this problem, it's not that I'm not friendly or think that I'm not showing my affection towards girls, it's that I just can't get over the friends part. I have no problem whatsoever getting to know them and having a friendly talk with them, but that's all there is to it usually. I do feel appreciated and at many times I can feel some kind of connection, that maybe the feelings could be returned, but I just can't go further unless the girl makes the move. I'm too afraid of them turning me down looking like an idiot. So I've recently realised that everyone just sees me as that friendly guy. Almost like they think I already have someone or that I'm not looking for a relationship while I really am. I just don't know how to get out of this situation, and it is really starting to get on my nerves. There is one girl that I've liked for some time, and I really think we have a lot in common, but I just can't get anything started as it seems like she haven't even considered me as a boyfriend.

Daah! Any tips on what I could do?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by russ

Also, ASCII noodle dance kirby in your sig, yeah, you got to get rid of that. I wouldn't dismiss it as a possibility that your sig alone is the reason you can't break out of the friend zone.

Nooooo, anything, anything but that

But seriously, I can't act like an ass, because I aint one. I feel like I just can't make a jerk out of myself just to get girls. But I guess somehow that it is partly one of the reasons I won't get anyone. Because I seem "spineless". I don't regard myself as that though, but I guess others really do. I'm one of those persons who wants to be in a good position with everyone so I just don't pick down on others I don't like particularly, and I don't talk shit about others and always try to take as much of an objective standpoint on things as possible. I really feel a lot of people hate people for petty things, and I wouldn't go talking shit about anyone like that for trivial matters. But it is somewhat a part of my faith and beliefs so it feels kind of hard to abandon that perspective of things too.

One of my problems with getting into deeper relationships with girls is probably because I want assurance. Like the girl searching body contact and wouldn't mind me doing it neither. It's like I need to get to a certain level of trust before I can actually ask a girl out, tell them that I like them. But then, I guess that is because most of the girls I've been with always has come to me first and making the move before I had to. So I guess I'm just inexperienced in a way to actually get to the state of asking a girl out by my own advancement. Oh well

I've really been thinking of asking this one girl out though, but I just can't think of any reasons why I would start "get interested" in her now (I've been interested all the time) since I've been seeing her only at school for like 1½ years just having this "upper to underclassman" friend relationship, and well it feels like she would reject me because I just don't really know her that well because I've rarely asked her about who she is and what she is like a person and so on so dahhh (and it really feels like it is to late for that). Aww crap I'm just scared of getting rejected I guess >_< It feels like the only time I'd ever be able to ask her out is when I'm a bit drunk and that just seems inappropriate, and she would probably think that I was a jerk once again for only being able to do it while drunk.



There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Arkhangelsk

I will be the first to say that as a girl, I refuse to ask out the guy.
I've done it a few times, and no matter how uncomfortable it is for you boys to do it, it's ten times as awkward for the girl to do the outright asking.

Also, I see that perhaps you are a musician? This explains a lot about the fact that you can't get up the nerve to ask a girl out...there are so many damned musician guys that are completely inept at asking out women in the music world (from a music major's perspective, that is). Even if a girl turns you down, chances are it will make her feel good about herself to be asked out. Unless she's a heinous bitch, I'm sure she won't put you down or make fun of you if she turns you down. And as somebody who has been asked out by a (very very close) friend, I can say that it didn't do anything to our relationship. I just explained why I didn't think we should be together, but that I still care about him and that was that.

I know how freaking hard it is to ask a girl out, but you need to do it. Sorry.

Yeah I'm a musician, so that mean I have something to put my blame on. YES

Well, I've never had a girl ask me out, that is not it (I'm not THAT lame), it's just I feel like I can't ask her out before she gives me a hint or that glimpse in the eye, that stroke on my back that tells me she wants me to. Like I need to be totally assured of it. I guess you're right though, I don't think she'll put me down or make fun of me as I know she ain't that kind of person, I'll just have to take the chance this time, so that I'll learn.

Ah well, it seems like I've been going the wrong way about things really being all too modest with things, not taking sides nor putting myself on a pedestal. But I don't really understand how I'm supposed to show off my confidence (I've got no probs with self-confidence really if I'd say it myself). Should I be telling people about my good qualities or what? Showing off my piano skills by playing the Minute Waltz? I dunno XD

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I think I've really gotten some insight on this matter now. I just need to go to the offense with this thing Because it seems that is really what is missing. So I'll bring up my courage and start showing what my intentions are. And if it doesn't go the way I want it, heck it'd still be better than nothing. And then, well, I have more than one candidate to be honest so... Could just keep on trying if I fail

But dang, I totally brought up my courage for going through with this just like for an hour or two ago when we both were going to orchestra practice, or that's what I thought because when I got there she wasn't even there Oh well, I'll start with it tomorrow and see how it goes.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Okay, so I tried going a bit forward today, by being a bit more attentive and giving her hints. Unfortunately, it seems like now I really know there can't be anything with that particular girl, she didn't directly say anything, but the awkward atmosphere told it all. So it turns out I'm in the dreaded friend zone, and it seems like I won't be able to get out of it neither. And even though I thought we got along so well. Crap.

Even though I haven't changed completely I can say I still feel a bit different from yesterday. I realized I've pretty much been avoiding eye contact more or less with girls in fear of getting an awkward atmosphere so I tried my best doing the opposite today and got some promising reactions from some girls Man, it's almost like magic! I'll have to see if it leads to anything though.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I've pretty much given up on this one girl now though, with her slight "rejection" that pretty much told me what she thought. I dunno if it's just because she hasn't thought about having a relationship before that she rejected me, but I just don't think it can become anything any longer. Also, it seems she's gotten interested in someone else in the past few weeks so I'm screwed no matter how I see it.

Ah well, I'm moving on, I'm considering a relationship with another girl right now, although in this case I already know she is interested in me; I just don't know myself if I could handle being with her (as I really don't know that very much how she is like a person). She's not that unattractive really, it's all about personal chemistry in this case as she does seem to be a bit different. I'll be giving it a try though.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?