Nobody could ever love the real me

is it the fact that you feel you're unable to start a sucessful relationship honestly being who you are bothering you or your character?

i'm also similiar to you except i blame it on my family and environment i grew up in >.> but i don't feel that nobody could love the real me because it's not an issue that interests me, mainly because i don't feel the need to get into that sort of relationship or start one.

and if it was real love, i don't think it would matter much to them.

you said you're capable of being heartless and cruel, but that means you're not always, just as much as i have the capablility of being an absolute whore/bitch etc doesn't mean i have to be one. so it's actually a positive attribute in that sense.

also community service isn't something for everyone anyway, everyone has their own way of contributing to society whether they realise it or not, such as helping out newbies in game or forums, subscribing to various charities and donating, or just giving the correct/necessary information to the passing stranger who asks.

oh and i can connect to the not being able to change the lazy part, it's unbelievably hard once you've got into the habit of it, but i find that it tends to go away if it's over something that interests me.

Jam it back in, in the dark.