[Movie] Resident Evil Movie Series.

I just got back from watching RE3. Put on your seat belts and start your engines, because... you really want to drive away from this one. This is no review, it's a rant of disgust.

Spoiler:

It was one of those movies that starts off with something to grab your interest, and does so... "OMG a neat, and non-overdone fight scene with hellhounds. All right this is gonna be fine." But then you get that interest... just so your face can be right up against the movie's ass only to have it suddenly blast a wave of green shit back at you. I'm not going to go into methodical details about the movie. Instead, I'll just point out all the little clips of memory that help make my head implode.

The undead can rip through bus doors, car hoods, window shields, but can't climb over a non-electric fence that guards a facility entrance. Dr. Isaacs goes with a handful of soldiers to get a hold of Alice's blood sample saying, "Kill her and get a blood sample while it's still warm" as if warm blood has anything to do with Genetics. Then they drop a magical crate in Las Vegas. It's just a crate that you see at the docks. But it's magical you see, because when it's placed and the door gets knocked down... a bunch, no a THOUSAND undead run outside from the BACK of this crate to hotsex the good guys.

Wait, what's up? Alice becomes Akira and turns a flamethrower's firepower into an all out Big Bang explosion, cooking all the infected crows overhead. Crows, infected. Okay, so where are all the infected coyotes and mudskippers? Make some damn sense! How do you have people infected from an arm bite go undead within a day, and then have TJ the token black guy get a direct bite on the chest and last for at least 3 days. Man, those refried beans must really have been lethal.

I'm so done with these sound effects that are supposed to scare people in their seats. Hello! The scenes aren't scary, you just so happened to have everything quiet and then suddenly play the LOUDEST, ear-pain pounding effect to startle an audience. Let's not forget the electrical spark effect being played 100 times in 10 minutes. Please come up with less cheesier lines. "I cannot die! *Tetsuo psyonic wave attack*" "I am the future. WARRRRRRGH! *laserbeam slice*" The "Tron" facility animation has just got to stop. And who the fuck wears sunglasses in an underground facility?

I simply could not take so many scenes seriously. An undead subject playing with kiddie blocks and a cel-phone. Dr. Isaacs tentacle-rape. I love how when everyone asks if they have something to say during their comrades' funeral, TJ steps forward and cries for Betty and then everyone suddenly leaves to do more important shit. Then when Carlos offers to sacrifice himself, all the chicks are cryin'.

Oh for fuck's sake, show some tits at least. A million Alice clones and no fucking tits. And stop playing ONE song with 1,000 versions of it through the entire movie. God save all you RE3 soundtrack enthusiasts.

Oh, here are 2 pros to this. Nice Alice outfit design. I like her boots and the straps on 'em. I'll make sure to draw that when I'm in a clothed figure drawing workshop next time. Last but not least, Carlos was a G.

So there you have a chain of individual thoughts from clips in the movie that make my head want to implode. How prolific! Can't wait to see something better like Good Luck Chuck.

How can you write a review after this "thing!?"

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I don't see why the touch of subtlety couldn't be added in any of the RE films like there was during the first half of Silent Hill. The difference is you found it entertaining; I really didn't.

How ya doing, buddy?