Passive/Aggressive

When someone upsets you, do you usually let them know? Or are you the kind of person who just shrinks away from the aggressor and try to alter your ways to suit the needs of the person?

Essentially, how do you react to someone being critical of you? Do you flip out on them, do you listen to what they have to say and then possibly argue it? Do you back down and stew over it quietly?

How do you deal with aggressive people?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by LeHah

Its a case by case basis. At work, I do have to have some sort of diplomacy given the nature of my job. However, when I was at the liquor store, I'd tell people to get the fuck out of my store or eat ass and die if they were real assholes.

Aggressive Example: There was this really old Italian woman who was looking at sambuca and wanted to ask a question. I had to be about 20 feet away and she starts yelling "Boy! Excuse me, Boy?" and I ignored her until she kept yelling it louder, and I turned and said "How may I help you, you loud-assed old cunt?" loud enough for the entire store to hear. She turned and left immedeately and I hear my friend Brian dying in a fit of laughter across the store in the California wine aisle.

Passive Example: Theres also this woman who use to work at the store named "Cathy". She's the definition of white trash, fugly and annoying. Shes got this overly smooth face like a burn victim, she has Fran Drescher's laugh and shes from some poor-ass southern town, so she has this weird, half-southern-lisp. Not accent, lisp. AND I HATE HER GOD HOW I HATE HER. My hate is a pointed topic at the store because shed try to be nice and I'd ask her why she looked like someone threw a hot iron at her face.

Anyway, she comes in one day and says "Hi" to me - thinking she can kill me with kindness. So I ignore her to her face - she tries to talk to me and I don't respond and just look past her. It continues to the point where I'm walking around the store, putting boxes away and pulling stock and shes right behind me screaming HELLO, WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HELLO. (Again, Brian was witness and he was rolling on the floor. We are terrible, brutal people at the store) That was a year ago and I dont think Ive spoken to her ever since that incident.

I'm unsure how you're determining how to deal with each person, here. They both seem almost equally as rude, I guess. Screaming out "BOY. EXCUSE ME, BOY" and "WHY ARENT YOU TALKING TO ME HELLO" seem both pretty rude.

So, I mean, how do you determine what to do in each case?

You know, for all my tough talk, I've only really SNAPPED on customers once or twice in my lifetime. Diplomacy is hard for me, so I just try to keep the anger in.

Once when I worked at the hotel, I had a guy literally throw a phone at me. Thats about where I drew the line and decided that assault meant I could say anything I liked. So I did. But I've rarely snapped on people. If anything, I stare them down. I know if I open my mouth, it will probably never shut.

O. On a related note, I was at the gas station the other day (where I often am) and a carload full of assholes kids pulled up right next to my truck. They got mad at ME because they suck at parking. They thought they were all tough, trash-talking the fattie in her truck.

Until I got out and opened my mouth. Which didn't close for a good 15 minutes AFTER the face-off.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Damn, Lehah. Were you personal friends with the store owner? I can't think of anywhere that wouldn't get you fired. Which is too bad, wage slaves really should be allowed to do that to asshole customers.

I was going to mention this, but I figured if someone gives LeHah a job, they must know what he's like. And want a guy like him on their team. ^_^

Quote:

Myself, I gauge whether it's even worth raising a stink in the first place. If it IS, I'm direct about it. Passive-aggressive behavior is completely ineffective, and it's little more than a symptom of lack of courage. Passive-aggressive types just lack the spine to directly stand up for themselves, so they imply and sigh and hint but never actually do anything when you call their bluff.

O, you know, I am a HUGE fan of direct, but I think passive-aggressive technique can be an asset sometimes. I notice that when dealing with women, you almost NEED to act passive aggressive if you want to get your point across. It's like they just DONT HEAR YOU unless you're acting like a chick or being passive-aggressive.

And I guess being direct isn't very chick-like? I've rarely encountered women who are brutally direct, but I always admire one when I come across her.

I DO think its the pansy-ass way of dealing with things. And when people send the passive-aggressive ball into my side of the court, I whack it back.

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I picked up some really bad habits from my mom, who is so spineless she's afraid to even use the telephone. I let an old roommate of mine walk all over me for a semester, and I vowed never again. You cannot live as a doormat all your life, which what passive-aggressive behavior is all about. You might defiantly say "Go Away" in large print, but people are still wiping their feet on you.

I find these situations extremely difficult. When you're stuck with a person or group of people for a long period of time (well, a semester anyways) and you really SHOULD keep peace because it would be intensely horrible to live with these people for a while with the tension it could cause.

But when someone is obviously fucking you over, it becomes more and more difficult to actually deal with things in a civil, diplomatic way.

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