PRIORITY #1

If you had to make a list of priorities in your life, would it follow A or B?

A:
Spouse/Marriage = #1 Priority
Children = #2 Priority

B:
Children = #1 Priority
Spouse/Marriage = #2 Priority

If you have neither spouse, child, or both: PRETEND. If neither would be priority #1 or #2 (and you put Cocaine as #1 or some stupid shit), where would these positions fall on the priority ladder?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Nnnnnn ;_;

You can only chose between "spouse/marriage" and "children." It's the entire point of the thread!

It is about the conflict of the two! IE:

"If your wife/husband and children were tied up on two different tracks and a train is about to come on both tracks, who do you save? (YOU CANNOT SAVE BOTH)" kind of situation

'Cause, see, I put Children first and Marriage/Spouse as a close second. I would never want to CHOSE, but if I HAD to.

It's supposed to be controversial, jeez.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by neus

I think it's pretty fucked up these two priorities would conflict in the first place. What kind of a life situation can you think of where I'd have to place my children above my wife?

You'd be very surprised. Of course, not a matter of life or death, but more of "which relationship would I rather fuck up."

Quote:

I guess, what I mean to say, those two shouldn't be distinct: the first priority in my life is my family. When I get married, or have children, my family is just going to grow larger.

And in an ideal world, I would be a smart, hot bitch! I wish it were thus, but alas, it is not.

I don't get this shit where people say "I'd put my wife/husband first." Are you people on crack? You brought your kids into this world. You're responsible for their very lives. I mean, even from a practical and non-emotional stance, it makes more sense.

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Originally Posted by Divest

Which relationship would I rather fuck up?

In that case, I'd worry more about my children than my wife. I'm not so sure this thread makes too much sense, Sass. :\

Or at least you're not too clear on your objectives.

What's so hard about this?

If you had to chose between your spouse and your kid(s), which would you chose?

((Zeph and I were arguing about it a few days ago, and I got the impression that I was batshit insane because I will always chose my kids over my spouse. My children would be my Priority #1, in lieu of my husband))

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I only dramatized the scenario to emphasize the point. But I wanted to see what people had to say on the idea anyhow.

And really, would you chose any differently? I know I wouldn't.

I'm pretty sure that I should love my children for all eternity and unconditionally, not my spouse.

My spouse, sadly, will never get "unconditional love" from me. Unconditional love is blind, and it can destroy you and potentially your children.

My children are the product of me and my spouse. I would hope that I wouldn't bring children into the world without loving my spouse, but love between two adults can die, it can be violated, it can be tarnished.

A mother's love for her children is not like the love for her spouse. I believe that the bond between mother and child never dies - unlike romantic love (which may).

ADDITIONALLY, I think the mutual love for the children my spouse and I create will cause a kind of "whats best for the children" situation. I would never marry a man who would put me before our children. It's not right.

My priority is in loving everyone. It's not like I have a limitation on "how many people can I love in life?" I can love as many as I want, as much as I want to.

I understand your point about people just giving up on a relationship after being married and having kids. I think it's fucked up, and I see it a lot. But that's not a question of prioritizing, I think. I think it's a question of effort on the married couple.

I think that's a kind of tunnel vision. Out of the welfare of the children, I think it's best to always make a fucking effort to keep your marriage alive. Love your family as much and as frequently as you can. Don't put your spouse in the shadows once the kids have arrived. All the more reason to work together as a family unit.

No marriage/relationship is perfect, and as I AM SURE YOU KNOW, marriages don't come easy. You have to work at it to be good at it. You can't just leave your marriage on a shelf and expect it to grow and become strong.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

You don't think, though, that in a normal family situation, the better the relationship with your partner, the more of a positive influence on the kids it is?

Depends on how much you're willing to pretend.

Are you going to hide petty arguments from the kids? Are you going to raise them to think that marriages are candy and lollipops? Or that sometimes, people have conflicts, and that they should learn to confront them like adults?

(Not to say children should be told this, but children often emulate what they saw in their childhood later on in life)

I don't think a saccharine marriage is healthy to show the kids. I think there needs to be balance.

Quote:

I simply feel that a lot of people yearn to care more for their children once their spousal situation dissolves because unlike their spouse, they can somehow discipline their child into loving them.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

Can you explain?

Quote:

I'm not advocating fucking child neglect, but there's a fucking issue of commitment. If you can't commit to your spouse, why should it be any different for a little person who's only a product of your loins? A person who will probably end up learning to be just as noncommital as yourself?

Committal should be in the "marriage" part, as far as a couple is concerned.

You're not advocating child neglect and I'm not advocating spousal neglect. There's a happy balance in there somewhere, and like all things in life, you should strive for the balance. I am sure we agree there.

But if it came down to "who should get the higher priority in being loved," I stand by my children.

If I want to see them grow up as well-rounded, competent, contributing members of society, I have to ensure their health, education, love, and discipline. It is my responsibility as a mother. Once I have that child, I am committed for life. Children are not wedding vows, and they are not up for argument: they exist, they're there, and you can't ignore them. My children are the biggest responsibilities in my life, and I have to take that seriously. My spouse is a part of it, but he is not my life-long responsibility.

My spouse? I am not responsible for his actions. I am responsible for seeing to it that he gets what he needs from me, and that I always help him if/when he needs help. My duty as a wife is to be his other half - and for him to be mine. We're a team - we're a unit.

And as the "team leaders," I expect our priority would be the same if we had children: raise the kids to the absolute best of your ability. If a captain should fall by the wayside, you do your best to get him up and on his feet again - but sometimes, you've got to let the dead lie.

I think you and I are just fundamentally different: my goal in life is to produce wonderful children and watch them grow, standing beside my husband. I would hope that we'll both be proud of our MUTUAL accomplishment.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

I still stand that the healthier a marriage, the healthier the growing environment is for the child.

I agree with this. Can you believe it?

I just don't think your priority should be your relationship with your spouse over the relationship with your kids. Opens to the door to all sorts of nasties.

FELIPE NO