The Downside of Sex

Wow. Blue, I can't believe you're considering that article as valid.

Are you a stupid girl? I really don't think you are - I think you're very intelligent. Based on that assumption, I figure you're nothing like the girls this "author" is studying.

The girls SHOULD be confused. If they can't properly assess a situation wherein they're being taken advantage of, and they get confused about it, maybe they shouldn't be sexually active. If you're not adult enough to weigh options and look at a situation, you probably shouldn't be involved in an act that could potentially make you responsible for another fucking human being.

Sex isn't just a physical activity, it's also an exercise in controlling emotions, sometimes - for those who are NOT confused and who are assured in their wants and needs, casual sex is cool.

But for poor, stupid, confused little girls like the one who was listed in the article, I say she deserves to be confused. If she's that blind as to be "confused" by what her "friend with benefits" is up to, man. She deserves worse. Girls need to learn how to assess situations. Goddamn.

But seriously, I don't see why anyone should be up in some other person's sexual business. Yea, girls aren't fucking applauded for keeping their legs shut. Should we applaud them when they successfully take a piss, too?

I'm offended, honestly, by the need to "give praise" to every person who does good. You should WANT to do good, and you should do it without expectation of fucking PRAISE. We're not dogs, people. We don't need a treat or a good word said after every good thing we do.

Girls shouldn't be applauded when they don't act like sluts. They should have been raised to know that acting like a slut MEANS, and that it's probably bad - IDENTIFY when you're acting like one.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Sir VG

I don't see it as necessarily being about giving praise. Today's society seems to be that if you're not having sex, you're a very bad person. IOW, it's not about praise, it's about not slandering somebody for making a healthy choice.

They mentioned praise-giving in the last paragraph in the article:

Quote:

"When Stacey avoids fatty foods she is being health conscious. . . . When she stays away from alcohol, she is being responsible and resisting her impulses. For all these she is endorsed for keeping long-term goals in mind instead of giving in to peer pressure and immediate gratification. But if she makes a conscious decision to delay sexual activity, she's simply 'not sexually active'--given no praise or endorsement."

And who slanders a girl for not putting out? I mean, yea, there are cockteases out there (which are just as bad as sluts, I guess), but if a girl wants to stay abstinent from sex, who is to tell her it's a BAD choice? It's certainly better than getting taken advantage of, right?

Personally, I think it's a good choice. If you're unsure, don't partake in sex. Probably one of the more mature decisions a girl could make.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sir VG

Well, I certainly hope they don't mean that at the end of the day, you pat them on the back saying "GOOD JOB FOR NOT HAVING SEX".

Maybe it's me, but it kind of seemed that last paragraph of the article WAS chastizing us all for NOT giving praise to these girls for not sleeping around.

Quote:

You must have had a pretty good high school then if a girl who wasn't putting out didn't get talked about the wrong way.

I wouldn't know. I didn't make it a habit of going out with men who would spread ridiculous rumors because I didn't fuck them.

I went to an inner-city school. We had better things to do than spread stupid rumors about the girls of the school. We were too busy getting high and getting drunk during the school day to care. So Jenny did/didn't sleep with Bobby. WHO CARES. Pass me the bong.

But seriously, these kinds of rumors rarely affected an entire school. Hell, I didn't even know everyone I GRADUATED with. So many students, so many different cliques.

Brent, we finally agree on something. <3

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Plainsman

I disagree. We are, to a LARGE extent, creatures of positive reinforcement. For example, ask any psychologist the most successful way for overcoming unwanted behaviors -- positive reinforcement for a WANTED behavior. It's not our lack of willpower or desire to "Do good," it's the way our brains our wired.

So you do need a cookie every time you bathe?

The positive reinforcement humans receive is usually not in the form of a reward from another (because thats just silly), but more of an emotional satisfaction.

Quote:

As far as sexual relationships, I think I should let it known that I'm pretty conservative. I was a football player through grade school. I went to "Jock Parties," I dated cheerleaders. I'm not a virgin. I know what it's all about. I'm not going to say that all "casual sex," is bad. However, in my experience, most sexual encounters give people baggage they have to carry to the next relationship.

I'd like to hear what you think "most" sexual encounters offer up as baggage.

Seriously, no offense, but what the hell are you talking about.

Sexual relationship don't offer up baggage - fucking EMOTIONAL relationships do. They don't necessarily go hand-in-hand, I am SURE Shin or Deni could tell you. Sometimes a romp in bed is just a romp in bed - nothing more.

There's very little baggage involved in that in most cases.

Quote:

This is especially true of the girls I've known, but also guys. I know a married couple, where the husband can't hold the wife a certain way because it reminds her of a drunken orgy she was involved in. It's an extreme example, but one that I hope my marriage doesn't resemble.

Ahaha, that's hilarious. Man, that is by no means normal - I would recommend your buddies hilarious wife go talk to a therapist of being "held a certain way" upsets her after some retarded orgy she took part in.

And I'd like to point out that this example is "emotional baggage," not sexual baggage.

Quote:

My current girlfriend is a virgin. I've never known a girl like her, she is so special. I'm determined to keep her pure until we marry, or she marries someone else.

That doesn't mean it will work for everyone else, buddy.

Some of us likely don't value marriage that much - though admittedly I am probably one of the bigger advocates against marriage here.

If it works for you, it works for you. But for real - I don't see why you think your values will work for other people.

And like Devo said, I can't see how anyone doesn't see the propaganda skew in the article.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Plainsman

The reasons for having sex outside of marriage are superficial and transient compared to the damage that it can cause. When I was having sex as a youngin', even when I wanted to "please" whoever I was with, it was a selfish act that I wish I had had the self-control to refrain from.

Wow. Just.....wow.

You do know that marriage is only a legally binding contract, right? You get some tax breaks and you get a fancy certificate. Hell, in my state, if you live with a person for 7 years, you're bound by common law marriage, in which case, you know, you don't even need the fancy shit.

I mean, if you want to bring religion into the mix, it's just a commitment to one person for the rest of your life with God as a witness. A promise, bound by God.

What sex and marriage has to do with one another is beyond me, really. I have no idea how anyone can tell a person that marriage is the point at which you're officially allowed to have sex. The line is pretty invisible to me (and many others), since the line is essentially inconsequential.

But eitherway, I see absolutely nothing wrong with getting laid before you slip a ring onto some chick's finger and promise her youre hers for eternity (which is laughable anyways in today's society).

In fact, I would think that having a little sexual experience before entering into a lifetime contract (under god in your case, I suspect), you want to ensure that you're a little savvy in the bedroom.

I know that I personally would never want to enter into a lifetime contract with some bloke if he sucked in bed and I found out after the fact. No matter what anyone wants to think, sex is a factor in marriage.

I don't see how pre-marital sex is "damaging" at all. If you can't keep your emotions in check and maintain the ability to separate things in your mind, maybe you're just too young and too immature to be involved in a sexual relationship.

Some of us, however, can control ourselves.

And I am not touching the "females are more emotional than males" argument with a ten foot pole.

I was speaking idiomatically.