eHarmony.

I fucking love Monkey. ;_;

I think theres something fundamentally fucked up about online dating services - be it a local service, a large internet service, or otherwise.

What happened to "getting to know a person" and failing a few times for experience purposes? Doing the work yourself and being able to determine whether or not a person is for you? This service just encourages those who are already socially inept to become MORE socially inept.

There's nothing terribly "biological" and "scientific" about what they're doing, guys. Don't think there's something special and awesome about it. Its the same old singles ads, except this time, theres a robotic Jewish yenta.

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Originally Posted by Minion

Oh, you would.

I generally appreciate intelligence, yes.

Don't hate me because I know how to socialize with actual human beings. ^_^

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Minion

You seem to appreciate people being a pain in my ass.

I fail to see how he's being a pain in the ass, sir.

I share his opinion that you get upset with people when they just don't agree with you. At least I can admit that I have the same problem.

I don't think eHarmony is the best thing since sliced bread. It may be a temporary fix for the people who can't seem to meet others in any other form - but I don't think its right to encourage it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Minion

I got upset because Lehah was being as obvious goddamn troll for no reason. Then this guy chimes in beacuse he's got some kind of problem with me.

You got upset over LeHah? Wow, Minion. You should know better than that.

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I can sorta see how I caused this, yeah..

O quit your bellyaching.

I think you're overly defensive, Minion. Relax. People aren't always going to see things the same way you see them.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by FallDragon

Here we go with this BS once again. Did you even bother to read this thread or did you just jump in? You don't get to know the person THROUGH eHarmony, eHarmony lets you meet someone that you'll have a good chance of liking. How does this eHarmony process have ANYTHING to do with "getting to know a person"? How you get to know that person depends on what you personally want to do after eHarmony gives you a match. And again with calling it's subscribers "socially inept." I'll join the stereotyping and say people who go to bars are abusive alcoholics, yay!

Whoa whoa whoa, buddy. Before you pull a sixgun on my ass, pull the stick out of YOURS.

I kind of SKIPPED all the bullshit, yea. Because thats not what I was intending to reply to. I wanted to talk about eHarmony. NOT LEHAH.

I said exactly what I meant. You know what experience is? It means going out, testing the waters, and finding what you like all by your little self using that LUMP OF TISSUE 3 feet above your ASS. That requires going places, socializing, and trying to get to know people.

But noooo, if you'd rather sit at home and BROWSE a meat-market of pre-selected candidates for you to "date," by all means, GO RIGHT AHEAD! One less jackass I'll have to deal with out there.

God forbid you'd actually have to go out, talk to a person and investigate what they're really like! You'd rather have a nice spreadsheet and image gallery to chose from, as though you were browsing for a used iPod on eBay!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Minion

What is the difference between randomly meeting people in a public setting and (not so) randomly meeting people the computer picks for you? This is the question that none of you have been able to answer so far.

I think we've answered it about a million times by now, sweetcakes.

Y'see, if you guys could actually ACCOMPLISH going out and meeting people on your own, what the bloody hell purpose does eHarmony serve?

Let's use a metaphor, shall we? Maybe I can make my point better that way.

People. They like food. Most people NEED food a lot. Some people, they go out all the time, and expect someone else to cook for them. They can't cook for themselves.

Other people know that cooking is pretty important. Sure, you can get by without any knowledge on how to cook. But you're a lot better to know how to do it yourself, see.

Bad analogy. Alright. What I am saying is that you're having people PRE-SELECTED for you to meet by a robot, essentially. That is NOT HELPING YOU AT ALL.

Originally Posted by FallDragon

LOL I actually laughed at loud when I read that. It's so GRRRRR (though I guess my post earlier was as well)!

Welcome to Sassland. Enjoy your stay.

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Anyway, you don't socialize with the person through eHarmoney, you get to know they exist through eHarmony, and then you go out somewhere to socialize with them, get experience talking to someone new, etc etc. Hell, you could even go to a bar together if you want! All you naysayers are claiming this service replaces the experience of meeting someone, but it doesn't. All it simply does is make you aware of people that exist whom you'll likely have common interests and goals with.

Yea, see, what aren't you getting about "defining a pre-selected group you get to know."

How about you get out there and be your OWN goddamned eHarmony.

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Well, I'm not sure of all what they tell you about the person if you get matched up, but I doubt you get access to the surveys they took. eHarmony likely just says "hey, you'll probably like this person, go check them out," not "hey, you'll probably like this person, here's their entire profile." It may give you general things like "enjoys excercise" or crap like that, but any idiot knows that you'll have to actually meet the person to find out what they're like no matter what the survey says. Regardless, it's undeniable that eHarmony is a useful, and most likely a more successful way of finding a relationship than hoping to meet someone at a random bar or bookstore.

Yea, maybe you guys should stop relying on your computers and actually go talk to some strangers. Not PRE-SELECTED strangers from group A B and C, or possibly the combination of one of the three.

Hello. Human interaction. You're not going to like everyone you meet. You need to be able to GET OUT THERE. You need to do it YOURSELF.

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Originally Posted by Smoodle

You know what I think? I think you all should stop being so damn uptight and analytical about how people meet one another. Is there a guidebook telling you the right way to meet people? I'd like to read it for a good laugh.

Besides, you're all conversing on an internet message board, writing to people you never would have had a chance to in the first place. Is that WRONG? Are you a BOtard because of it?

O wow, who called in the LOGIC CLUB PRESIDENT.

"Hey gays, why are you discussing this on an internet message board? GOD. WHATS THE POINT?!"

Shut the fuck up. You know what happens on internet message boards? Conversation. O WOW. IMAGINE THAT.

If you hadn't noticed, the book is an aide for those who are INTERESTED in learning how to do things in a certain manner. Some of us are plenty capable of going out, making friends, hanging out, meeting potential mates.

Other people don't have such an easy time at it.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by FallDragon

It's a bad analogy because when you go out to eat, your subject to the company's menu. You're not in control of your options. With eHarmony, you create your own. It's like own your own restaurant with your own menu, and eHarmony says "hey, this person made a similar menu like yours." Analogy FTW!

Are you so dense to keep going to the same goddamned restaraunt?

Maybe you should just learn how to cook your own goddamned food. Assuming that people are going to cook for you for the rest of your life is kind of dumb.

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Are you saying when you go to a bar or bookstore you aren't defining a pre-selected group? Bar = people ok with alcohol, people probably ok with smoking, people who are probably more social than others. Bookstore = people who enjoy reading in their free time, people who probably have a higher IQ than those at a bar, etc. Where you socialize automatically means your choosing one specific "kind" of person over another, so don't claim you're being open to all options. When was the last time you strolled by homeless people to find a date HMMMM? Maybe you'll find true love from a man living in a garbage can, or are you about material wealth, mmmm? eHarmony is simply taking your filtering system one step further. The actual socialization with that person is left completely up to you.

Actually, I usually meet people in completely RANDOM places. I don't go anywhere to specifically seek out people. I bump into interesting people almost EVERYWHERE I GO in the most unlikely of places. THATS what I am telling you - you need to learn how to just LIVE.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by peeack

Making the process rather clinical, as I said previously. Thrill of the chase and all that. Why are some people afraid of the unknown?

Because o god they might get REJECTED! And then they'll just feel terrible!

Precious feelings, you know. Very precious.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Minion

Uh, you can get rejected on eharmony. Happens about 90% of the time, actually.

But its easier than getting rejected IN YOUR FACE, right?

Your computer rejected you. Not a chick standing right there, where you actually have to listen and watch as you get bitterly rejected.

Instead, you get a little note saying "NO THNX"

And this, sir, is my point.

DAMNIT ALICE.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Minion

Not really. I've been rejected both ways. It's easier TO reject over the internet though, but that only puts the eharmony user at a disadvantage, which is contrary to what you people are claiming.

No, we're saying eHarmony uses are ALREADY at a disadvantage.

I am not saying ALL eHarmony users are fucking losers. They're obviously NOT, man.

I am just saying its a service for people who aren't really....uh....good at social shit. (And thats not BAD, exactly. I've told my friend Sarah to join because she SUCKS at talking to men. She agrees, and has considered it. She just can't afford that kind of money with her expenses right now. =/ )

I am just saying eHarmony ENABLES you people to suck a social shit. NOT ALL OF YOU! Some of you just don't have TIME, I am sure. But the majority of the users? Socially inept. Sorry.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Minion

Arguing with you is like being on a particularly nauseating merry-go-round.

If you don't like the ride, get off. No one tied you to the horsie.

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Eharmony is FOR people who want better odds at finding someone they actually like. Do losers use it to hide from the real world? Sure. Good on them. But that's not what it's for and it is effective in it's intended purpose as is evidenced by it's popularity, my first hand experience, and the fact that it just makes sense.

Ever think that maybe its popular because people are so goddamned lazy? I am not saying that YOU'RE lazy. I don't think thats your problem.

I am saying that you should not rip yourself off of the experience of going out there and falling flat on your face in rejection and failure. Without the MANY MANY MANY rejections and failures, you get a skewed sense of reality.

Life isn't about typing your name and likes into a search engine for people and popping out good results. You need to experience the bad with the good.

And when I say bad, I don't mean that you need to read a bad profile or get a bad match.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Skexis

Perhaps people such as myself just find the thought of "human interaction" like the kind you've been giving rather sickening.

I find it sickening too. But you have to do it. The world is full of sickening people. It's not fair to deny it.

And yea, I'm a HUGE HYPOCRITE because Pang and I met ONLINE. Let's ignore all the other people I was with, shall we? I didn't use a service to find Pang. I didn't have him pre-selected from a meat market. I was actually with SOMEONE ELSE when Pang came along. It was a matter of bumping into him in a really BIZARRE manner.

And I am not against meeting people online. Lots of people DO that and succeed.

I am against what eHarmony stands for: Enabling social ineptitude.

So you can take your hypocrisy and shove it up your ass, Minion.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Minion

We've already discussed that it's not a meat market. You don't get to choose your matches. With other sites, you go around looking at pictures and you talk to whoever you want. That is a meat market, yes. With eharmony, you get maybe 3 matches at once and you have to deal with those people. You don't get to look for others.

Why SHOULD you? Thanks for proving my point! Everything is laid before you quite nicely, isn't it? "Hello, Minion. These are your three MATCHES! Good luck!"

It is pretty much taking your tastes, right, in say FOOD. And telling you "Well, you like calimari and pancakes! THESE are the GREATEST CALIMARI AND PANCAKE SHOPS IN THE WORLD!"

It IS a meat market, but not in the way that you usually think of the typical proverbial meat market.

You don't get to chose ANYTHING, do you. Heh

Originally Posted by Skex

I don't see why. I have to do it in my job, already, but why should I have to do it when I'm searching for someone who will understand me?

Because thats how mate selection goes. Do you know how much you LEARN from the experience?

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Why on earth wouldn't you want to cut out a lot of the unnecessary bullshit, and get rid of the people you know you wouldn't like in the first place?

Because you need to learn how to think for yourself. It IS necessary. THATS what I am trying to tell you. ;_;

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Skexis

Not really. But that's how you've accepted mate selection goes, not how it does. It's convention versus invention.

I really disagree. I think its very important to be able to get out there and not fear failure. Failure is as great as success. eHarmony caters to those who are afraid of failure. I think people need to stop worrying about it so much and learn from failure. Theres a lot to be said about learning from failure.

Thats not to say you CANT fail at eHarmony. Nothing is failsafe.

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You know as well as I do that I have ready opinions of my own.

Yup.

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You can't even fill out the personality profile on the site unless you can talk about what you like and what you dislike.

Sure.

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Being antagonized by some bitch that's lecturing me on the finer points of why she likes watching Desperate Housewives, and eating salad, ravioli (and oh yeah, let's get dessert too) off of my dollar doesn't inform me of anything except what I already know, which is that honesty of personality is practically nonexistant in a traditional date setting.

Your dollar wouldn't buy you that, though. (Chances are, anyways. LIke I said, nothing is failsafe. The INTENT is for your bypass that shit.)

Its important to know that if you DO go out on a date with a woman like this (ahahaha, I would hate it too), you have the right to chose and learn from your decision. You simply either duck out of the date or you never call her again. You have learned something you DISLIKE and you have learned how to DEAL with that.

You're missing that entire experience from eHarmony. You're just given people that you're most likely to have chemistry with. Which in my book is ultimate cheating.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Minion

If it's cheating, what's the test? To find happiness? And who's grading?

Nice misinterpretation, Minion.

"Selling yourself short by a long shot." Hows that. You want to misinterpret that, too?

Alice, chemistry and compatibility (did I spell that right?) are the same in my book. Sorry. It lines up people you HAVE A GOOD CHANCE of having something with. Hows that?

And "activities you mutually enjoy" aren't always going to score your your perfect mate. (Its hilarious to think so, though!)

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Minion

Well, it looks like none of us are on the same page.

Probably not. Its fun to discuss, though.

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It's more than just activities. They ask you a bunch of questions about your personality. Is there something else that's necessary to secure your perfect mate?

Depends on who you are, frankly.

Alice, we already know that you and I differ vastly on the topic of "physical" chemistry. I tend to ignore the looks and go straight for whats in the head. Some people seem to look at the barrier of looks before whats in the head. Its all depends on the person.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Minion

I really want to figure out what this "chemistry" is. Are you quite certain that it's not just a subtle personality trait that you can't articulate about?

I think "chemistry" is just something that causes two people who have never met before to really....um...jive well together.

I've met people (who I never intended to be my mate) that I REALLY jive well with. You're comfortable just sitting quietly with silence between you. There IS no awkward silence. You just kind of enjoy each other. And it feels like you've known each other a long long time.

A person you can let yourself be REAL with, I guess?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Minion

Now, Sass. What you're describing is the kind of rapport I have with one of my close friends. He's a guy though and I'm not gay. So, is chemistry possible between two people who don't want to have sex?

Alice will disagree with me, but ABSOLUTEY.

Chemistry means (in my head) that some things are MEANT to go together. Not necessarily for sex, but for mental health and camaraderie that naturally exists between certain people.

I mean, hopefully, the person you eventually settle down with longterm IS your best friend, right? Thats most important, no?

Originally Posted by Skex

That's the thing, though. How do I know whether or not she was being socially open with me? How honest was she being? Was she chatting me up because she was nervous, and there's really a lot more going on behind the scenes?

You can't worry about it. If you worry like that about every woman you date, you're going to end up wasting a lot of your time.

Off topic, I hate people who aren't honest when they meet you. Just TALK to me. I'll talk BACK. Be true. ;_;

(Also, this is where that EXPERIENCE could help in being able to determine these things! ^_^ )

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Do I really want to spend more money to find out? Do I want to waste both of our times and make obligations that don't pan out? Do I want to give her the wrong impression because I'm curious about knowing her a bit more intimately?

Wow. You DO need more social interaction. ;_;

How about taking it step-by-step, really slowly, and not worrying about those things. Just show her who you are - if you do, hopefully SHE will feel comfortable to show YOU, too. Not everyone is socially OUTGOING enough to lay everything on the line and take some risks.

Its an art. It really is. Thats why I HATE these dating services claiming to be able to do miraculous things for lonely people. They need to do it on their own. ;_;

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And don't try to tell me that these things get easier to recognize with experience. I'm sure to some extent that's true, but what it really boils down to is gut instinct.

I disagree. I think you need to know what card game you're playing before sitting down at the table.

If you don't know the rules of the game, you won't be able to do the best you could do.

Don't yell at me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Minion

So, in conclusion, Chemistry is another of those words that all women use and yet none agree on. Like "confident".

I think "confident" is pretty clear cut. Who the hell decided it wasn't while I had my back turned?!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Minion

Well, some women secretly mean "obnoxious".

Who the bloody hell are you talking about?

WHO thinks confidence is obnoxious. WHO. I don't think I've seen any GFFing FEMALES say that shit.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

What he means is that he thinks women secretly prefer the obnoxious, rude types, but they veil it behind the "I like confident men" statement.

Which is retarded.

Welllllllll, some women do. Not all, but a lot of women LOVE that sort. My sister being one of them.

Personally, I can't stomache them.

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Originally Posted by FallDragon

You and your retarded stereotypes. I bet most people on eHarmoney don't give a shit about failure. The reason it DRAWS people is because they want to stop wasting years of their life hoping a random encounter turns into a soul mate.

First of all, jackass,, it's HARMONY. Not HARMONEY.

I don't know about you, but if I know a person isn't right for me, my brain says "GEE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD MOVE ON."

Are you seriously this slow?

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Originally Posted by RacinReaver

Sass, I'm curious, what's your feeling about traditional matchmaking services? You know, those video dating things, phone line ones (are they actually anything other than glorified sex lines?), and speed dating services.

I'm a little frightened by your asking. I am sure you have an ulterior motivation, and you're going to pidgeonhole me.

Traditional matchmaking services? Like an old Jewess dingbat? ^_^

I don't really know. I kind of frown on them, too. I mean, its not too hard to go out and talk to people, is it? And of the pool you speak to every now and then, you can't find anyone you'd like to explore? I mean, maybe its me, but I LOVE to explore people, you know?

I don't think personal ads, video dating services, and all that bullshit works too well. Maybe its just me, but, you know, I think only *I* can judge best. Even if a person shares my interests, political views, whatever - that doesn't mean they're going to be more likely to match what I am looking for, you know? Maybe I WANT someone different, who does things differently, SEES things differently.

But then, I am a crazy bitch who is really hard to follow. I guess what I am saying is that I would never want someone to match me up with anyone else. I can do it myself, you know?

Maybe if I had no time, I was never around people, or something, I would have an excuse. But even on the JOB, you can meet people.

And I guess thats my entire point. People should just meet other people as much as possible, even if they fucking HATE other people. Believe me, I am no advocate for the love of every person. I usually end up disliking most people.

But the fact is that I got out there and I tried by myself. And I am sure a lot of people on eHarmony have, too. But I HATE to think its just a tool for people to be lazy and excuse themselves from social interaction (like VG, for instance.) Bothers the living hell out of me.

Did I rant enough?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by eks

Same here. What about newspaper personals? Those are almost exactly the same as 'net personals, right? (N/M you answered already.)

I think eHarmony is a lot of fluff. The commercials show all these couples who fell in love and got married through them, but what is the failure-to-success rate? How many people meet, and then decide they can't stand each other? How many of those people meet "fall in love", get married and then divorce soon after?

The way it's portrayed in the commercials, it appears that you're guaranteed to find the love of your life. In fact, isn't that what the founder dude says? (Aside from guaranteeing it.)

Yea, a big thing you should keep in mind is that its a business. It's not there to make your life better, though I am sure it provides a service to a certain amount of the population out there.

But they're in this to make money. Not to make the world a better place, one match at a time.

Jam it back in, in the dark.