Crisis of faith?

I just had a major one. Radical change of thinking and coming to terms is an amazing process and quite hard... My reason for the change is rather unexpected. I didn't see this one coming a mile away. I was a strong Christian all my life and all the sudden... it just clicked (my journal entry kinda stratched the surface of this new understanding) that my faith isn't just enough. Everything is just wrong now and that I have been living a life of a naive gulliable person. It wasn't because I was having a hard time believing whether if there's a God or not, I believe there's one... I just don't know if I should take Him seriously now when nothing seem to matter.

I do not want you guys to convince me to be a Christian again, my reasoning is just not shallow as YOU think it is. I just want to ask if anyone had ever gone through something like a crisis of faith before and what were their reason(s) if I may ask and how did they deal with it?

My wanting to commit suicide is so high now (I would had a long time ago if it wasn't for God... knowing that suicide is the greatest sin you could commit and obviously finding out possibly there's a HUGE reason for that is what making me feel its the opposite), it scares me of how powerful the spirit can do for your own mind. And if I don't have anything to believe in, my spirit is pretty much crushed. And that's what happened. Its just is crushed... and NOTHING in this world can bring my spirit back. I hate people. I hate everything around me. I wish it was not the case, considering I'm a nice person and reasonable and at least was sane. I don't want to get into all manicdepressed. But my terms to bringing my spirit back would be volunteering at an animal shelter someday. That I feel is the only way I could ever be comfortable in my own... skin... of a human being. I don't see how... but I'd at least try.

Sigh... never did I thought I could possibly do a 180 though, but I wouldn't abandon my determination to be a good person though. I'd just die knowing at least I tried.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Okay. Thank you Jazzflight for posting. I should mention I'm 28 years old female, and the last time I took a class was 3 years ago at a community college for graphic design technology. I'm no scholar. I have not read such said books either... and I'm hard of hearing, I couldn't understand a preacher from his podium if I tried.

I think I would rather be strict with people who're so set into their ways. Such as myself once. And I'm a kind person too. I must ask you JazzFlight, is the future of the world really worth all the pleasures we're seeing now? One day, there won't be a pleasure for anyone. They'll just see ruins of what used to be...

And yeah Suikoden is an awesome game. I really loved Suikoden II. Have you seen Evangelion?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Thank you to all who posted. Thank you for your insights and encouragements.

I'm still oh how do I put it... I'm just still in the transition since this kinda started like a week ago and what a week that was... I think part of this was because of my having a wreck of a week and a bout of depression for a while.

Not I would avoid this thinking though, I'll try to think positive. Again, thank you.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.