How to stear somebody away from a wife-beater boyfriend.

Actually, I'm not sure if this will work, but if you want to influence someone instead of telling them what to do, you ask questions. Make them think about the situation. Or just bring up things about the guy that are not so great, in a non-challant sort of way. You want to get them thinking "hey, maybe he is a dipshit" without ever actually suggesting it. It's a little tricky, but if you're patient and smart about it, it's doable.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

People get abused all the time. It's no more strange that someone would stick around even though they're in danger or being killed than it is for someone to be bullied into allowing themselves to be pissed on.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

No, but you can say, "bitch, I'm gonna piss on you, and if you don't like it, I'll break your jaw." That tends to work well on these kind of women, it seems.

How ya doing, buddy?

The key, Sass, is to not seem like you're actually doing it. Even "smart people" can be pretty easily fooled.

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Man, I hate to break out the "I'm right" card, but I'm basically speaking from personal experience. I've talked people out of a lot of things just by asking the right questions. I'm not always that patient (actually, seems like I rarely am these days) but it works because you're basically just getting them to see things from your perspective. Nobody really wants advice, especially adivce that's difficult to take because they always fall back on "well, they don't really know how hard it is" so that shit doesn't work. You have to make them think.

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I don't know, though, maybe Minion is actually the Godfather or Ghandi or something.

I would've gone with Rasputin or something. Bad analogy. Not very insulting. I'm afraid you might be losing your touch.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

No, Jesus wasn't creepy enough. You might want to try something like a date rapist or child molester.

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