tl;dr

The key to enjoying alcohol is to select quality products. If your first experience is some piss like Budweiser, then yeah, you're gonna hate it.

To help you, here's a list of stuff you might want to try:

Beers - Yeungling, Guinness
Wine - There is this excellent wine called "Pagor". It's $15 a bottle and tastes like a $50 bottle, easily. Let it breathe for 15-20 minutes before drinking.
Hard stuff - Jagermiester and Crown Royal are both Liquors you can drink straight and enjoy.

Just try to stay away from cheap stuff and stuff that college frat boys drink and you'll find that alcohol can be quite pleasureable.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Try to avoid going the chick drink route, if at all possible, for the sake of your dignity. He is a man, if I'm not mistaken, Alice.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

If you want to mix drinks, go for the long island iced tea. You'll need to work your way up to that one, though.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Are you saying there is no such thing as a chick drink?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I guess it's anal to label a dress "women's clothing". I just look at whether or not it's covering skin.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Actually, if you want a flavorful drink that is not too harsh but doesn't make you look like a fairy, then try Dogfish Head beer. It sounds weird, but it's actually good. I've tried a flavor called Rasin d'etere (I think - something like that) and I would definitely get it again.

How ya doing, buddy?

You know, I hadn't thought of this till now, but one effective method of reducing anxiety in general, which I know works through first and second hand experience, is by lowering your intake of sugar and caffiene. Try going a day or two avoiding them completely. You will notice that you are much more at ease.

Most amazing jew boots

Sass, when was the last time your body has been purged of caffeine, tabacco or any other kind of mind altering substance? Try it sometime. Just drink water and avoid things that are sugary. It'll be weird at first, but if you don't notice a difference, I'll owe ya a buck.

Most amazing jew boots

Relax. If you don't want to try it, fine. But maybe it could benefit the thread starter, which is why we're all here throwing in our two cents in the first place.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

When I said "no caffeine" I didn't mean three cups in the morning. That is a strong dose of caffeine.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I drink no soda whatsoever.

How ya doing, buddy?

That is actually a great book. I have an e-book for it and an audio book. Haven't finished it, though.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

It wouldn't be much trouble for me to give it to him, if he's interested.

Most amazing jew boots

Actually, despite his persona, it seems to me that Pang would be an amicable (although perhaps antisocial) guy in real life.

Anywho, I can give it to multiple people, since it's only data, not an actual book.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Well, yeah, but what I'm saying is that he seems like a loner by choice. This book is mostly for people who frequently piss other people off and don't understand why. Or for people who want to know what to do in order to climb the ladder at work.

FELIPE NO