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 Member 2058 Level 9.40 Mar 2006 
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Absolutely stay away from FFXI if you want that kind of solo/group flexibility.
I would look into WoW again. The community can be a mixed bag, yeah, but frankly if you just stay away from the official forums you avoid a lot of the bad parts. If you can find a good guild to run instances/chat/whatever with, you'll have a much better time. You also have the ability to solo or group as you please, regardless of class, and while you get better XP from quests (at least as far as I've played) you can certainly grind for the XP as well. Jam it back in, in the dark.
1 2 3 4, get down, get down...
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the quiet fox