What do you do when your family is falling apart...

I agree with the above. Your problem seems so complicated that sharing our experiences seem negligible to how it can help or better your situation.

However, I will say this: when you're caught in the middle, you can't do much else about everyone else around you but YOU need to keep yourself strong, try not to get involved too much, and do what you need to in order to keep your life straight. In other words, keep your own priorities straight as much as possible.

As far as the lying mother, my mother did the same thing to me. She borrowed money from me, got a second equity loan on my name because her credit was so damn fucked up, then lied to me that she'd give me back the money and will send me monthly checks to help me pay for the school loans. BULL SHIT. So what I did in retortment and in spite against that to my mother was complete neglect. I ignored her on her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's, Mother's Day, and again on her birthday. Finally I said to her if she didn't live up to her promises and give me back my money, I will divorce her, legally and literally. I still make it a point not to call her for any special occasion, especially if she believes a daughter should call a mom on those days. I know it's childish, but there became a point where blood and money could not be separated. I could not care how much blood she shed bringin me into this world, a promise is a promise and this loan was something I was NOT going to be able to afford her breaking her promise to me again.

Jam it back in, in the dark.