Second born, second best

It's your mom.

It's nice that you're trying to be independent about your wedding expenses, but if your parents are willing to pay for some of it, I don't see why you should push them away. Frankly, it's their only daughter's wedding; why wouldn't they want to be involved in part of it? Regardless of how much more money or effort your mother put into your brother's life, she still cares about you.

I don't want to be judgemental, but looking by the way you quoted right off the bat, "my mom wanted a boy," I'm thinking she had some sort of personal issue with her own mother. Not for me to be judging or anything, but sounds like she needs counseling by a therapist. Ifwhatever issue it is between you two escalates, I suggest you and your mom sit down with a therapist. Hell, I'd even do it before the wedding just so it doesn't affect your marriage and your life. But again, that's just my opinion, so please don't take it personally. But if you think your mother's treatment differences between you and your brother are going to bother you to a certain point, it might just be worth it just trying to straighten that out before you and your boyfriend start having kids. Who knows, next couple of years it might be "Why did big bro Jack's kids get more birthday/Christmas gifts than mine?" I'm sure that's something you'd want to avoid.

Jam it back in, in the dark.