Rant about my brother.

Originally Posted by Starwars

Me and my brother have always been good friends. I wouldn't say we're close or anything, but we do usually have a good time together. We share some of our interests, and we seem pretty "compatible".

I'm the younger brother, and he is my only sibling. Though my parents love us both, there have always been the feeling of that he's kind of the "black sheep", and I'm the "good one".
He's never been involved in criminal activity or anything like that as far as I know, but he has always had enormous trouble with handling money/his economy, and this have had the effect that my parents have had to save his butt financially.
I have always been quite protective of my money, and save it as best as I can (though I don't go out of my way to hoard it).

Couple this with the fact that he is a liar. I'm not sure what the English term for this is, but he lies a LOT. You know how people can sort of spew lies, and it seems to just come completely natural to them? It just goes on automatic. Sometimes small lies, sometimes big lies.

Now, I just discovered that he's just had ANOTHER big financial crisis, and I'm getting quite angry with him. He's almost 30 now, and he still lies to my parents about how he's doing in his life and so on. I don't know what the fuck he does with his money to be quite honest. I'm fairly sure he doesn't do any drugs or anything, cause I know I would've heard something from other people (I know a lot of people he knows and vice versa).
I just think that he's a big spender, loves getting the latest stuff like phones and whatnot.

Now, him being a big spender doesn't really bother ME that much because in the end its his own problem. But the fact that he still lies to our parents about this crap, and tries so hard to hide it, and then eventually it gets to big to hide, and we're back to the same old thing again. My parents have been helpful, and have supported him in the past, but they're really getting tired of him now, and so am I.
I really feel for my parents especially, because they're at the point where they are starting to kinda want to kick back and relax (they've worked hard all their life), and my brother is sorta like a cloud on the horizon. And I guess they just don't want to give up on him, cause he is their child after all.

And I have a similar feeling, he is still my brother and I grew up with him and all that. I still feel affection towards the bastard even though he acts like he does.

Just needed to get this off my chest as I'm pretty annoyed at the moment. Has anyone experienced similar relationships to this one, and how did it turn out in the end?

Luckily for me I don't have this problem for myself, However I think I can help you out. I'm no Doctor, Psychologist, or Philosopher; but, I do tend to offer some good opinions and if you want to turn those opinions into advice then so be it.

First off, the way that your brother spends money like he does is a big problem. It's good that he is looking for help and that he is trying to survive. Yet, the bad news is that he hasn't learned that he can't rely on others to support him. In my views, your parents have been giving him Deconstructive Support. This is where they give him money and hopes that he learns his lesson (BTW I don't want to offend you and I know that they probably aren't like this, so I just want to say that I'm sorry if I offend you). The way you explained it as a cloud on the horizon is actually a very good representation. What your parents need to do is set up an umbrella. Something that Protects them against the rain, but still lets them feel the effects of the rain a little bit. The way I would do things is to stop giving him money and when he asks for more, just refuse. If he still asks for help, then try to help him out by showing him methods to manage money, supress spending urges, and advancing on careers or jobs. This way, he knows that he can't go back to his previous resources for money, but he can look to them for help and advice.

As for the Lying. I can't help out much there. I would suggest the ignoring technique. When you know he is telling a lie, then ignore what he is saying and pretend you didn't hear it. When he asks for a response, then say that you didn't know that he was talking. Another part of this method is to listen intently when he is telling the truth and respond to pretty much every sentence he says. This way he will learn that people don't hear his lies but they can hear his truths. Then he will start talking more truth. Another method is to actually not blow up when he comes right out and tells you the truth at first. It's ok to get upset, maybe a little depressed, but never get angry or mad. This shows that he did something wrong and that it has a bad punishment. However if you show depression or being upset, then he will know that there isn't that bad of a punishment but it leaves a scar on his guilt. Mind you that this technique doesn't work all the time. EDIT: Don't forget to tell him why you get very angry and blow up on him if he tries to hide it for a long time. 2 to 3 lies at max before blowing up.

This is all I can offer. As I said, I am no doctor, just a young adult myself who knows different methods of dealing with problems.

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It sounds like the parents are exactly as I thought of them. If you give them the suggestion, even show them my previous post, then they will most likely be willing to help. You mother will not be a problem as you said, however to convince your father, you should try to trick him into thinking it was his own idea. He seems (to me) like a person that takes proffesional advice but usually doesn't take advice from others (unless he repects them). You will still probably have trouble trying to convince him due to the fact that he has always seen you as his child and that you are still inexperienced. It took me forever to convince my dad to seriously consider my opinions, but I was able to do it by standing up to him and defying him in what I thought was an important event. You just need to work at it.

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