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Help me get the picture on this.
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I don't believe you did a thing wrong or improper. Your friend might've read you wrong, in which case she might've assumed that you were getting off on the 'gorey details'. Even so, I think this is actually more disrespectful for your friend to assume the worst of you through a simple inquiry and then go off on you.
Though I know little about the way you might usually act in regards to the subject of death, it seems that your friend probably is going through a traumatic time and a bit of slack can be cut. Whatever you might do, don't get too hostile about this and bring it up during this time period, when the death is still fresh in the mind of your friend.
If you still feel bad about what was said, bring it up to them later when they've had a chance to get their grieving out of the way.
Jam it back in, in the dark.
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RainMan