Rewriting the English Language: Made Up Words

I enjoy creating new words by adding the suffix -ery. It gives the resultant word an old-timey feel. Ready? Let's try it!

Is someone an asshat? Then they are clearly guilty of asshattery.

Someone overly concerned with the cost of certain goods? Tell them to knock off that pricetaggery (props to Mr. Burns for this one).

Jam it back in, in the dark.

When cleansing my docs folder, I came upon an ancient reference to coining insulting words in a post from an old game preview site. Read, travellers, and be enlightened.

Fargo: Well, they've gone and dropped the news! Blizzard Entertinment, creators of such gaming triumphs as Diablo, StarCraft, and WarCraft, have announced their next game: World of WarCraft. It's a massive multiplayer RPG set in the WarCraft universe. I, for one, am excited to see where they can take the franchise. The world is rich, the races diverse, and the ground is ripe for awesome RPG goodness. However, others have expressed disappointment that StarCraft II is still nowhere in sight. shaithis, how do you feel about the announcement?

shaithis: [shaithis growls a gutteral growl. Eyes flashing, he hefts his monitor off of his desk. Power cords pull taught and finally snap with electic blue bursts of sparks. He hefts his monitor up high over his head, and finally brings it down to the earth with a crashing roar. Glass shatters; electronic components clatter across the ground. Lit from a fury within, shaithis lifts his booted foot high to bring it smashing onto the helpless piece of hardware, crushing and maiming and destroying. Again and again. No words escape from his mouth, save for anguished, indistinguishable screams.]

Fargo: As we all know, shaithis was a tremendous fan of the StarCraft series. In fact, would it be safe to say that -- other than when you built a WarCraft II map consisting of nothing but thousands of sheep for the two sides to obliterate into moist red splatters -- you have no interest in WarCraft whatsoever?

shaithis: [Picks up his CPU by its network cable and swings it over his head until it snaps free, crashing against the wall with horrifying finality.]

Fargo: But let's get down to brass tacks, right? Massively Multiplayer RPGs are awesome new products that only a large base of Internet players could support. I mean, unless you count the text-only games from back in the day, large MMORPGs like this just weren't possible a few years ago. Isn't it exciting that such a respected, talented developer will be spending the next few years making one?

shaithis: [Swings his office chair over his head, smashing it with unwavering force into the remnants of his CPU. The plastic casing cracks and gives in; PC innards scatter everywhere. Livid with rage, the assault continues, unrelenting. The howling screams echoing from shaithis's lips are now discernable as a string of slurred expletives, almost exclusively made up for the occasion. Frequently the word "ass" is combined with an everyday item to make a single semi-offensive word such as "assplatter."]

Fargo: Anyways, despite what you may think, I'm thrilled that someone with a sense of polish, design, and storytelling will be tackling the RPG genre. Less waiting, less camping, less hack-and-slashing, and more solid gameplay--

shaithis: [Suddenly freezing, with his battered and crooked chair still poised above his head.] Wait -- hang on -- could I roleplay the Suicide Dwarves?

Fargo: Hmmm ... I'm going to guess that, being an RPG, and focusing as it probably does on persistent characters, that ... no, no, chances are you won't be able to roleplay a character who's sole attack is to rush the enemy and blow himself to smithereens. [Fargo dives under his desk for safety]

shaithis: [shaithis turns reddish-purple with fury and heaves the remnants of his chair through a plate glass window. He returns moments later with a steamroller, hurling bottles of kerosine and screaming obscenities vaguely offensive to nearly every world religion. He is still calling for a sledgehammer and salad tongs when SWAT arrives.]

There's nowhere I can't reach.