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My children will likely not know their grand parents well...I won't let them spend much time with them anyways, because I can't allow them to look up to a smoker as a role model or authority if I can at all help it. And that is a damn shame.
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After reading the last few posts in this thread, I went back to see if this was actually what you meant. It's unbelievable that it is.
Cutting someone out of your kids' lives is serious, especially when it's the grandparents. You need to lighten the hell up sir, and learn to compromise. You could very easily just tell her parents that you don't want the kids breathing second hand smoke from them, and to please not smoke near the kids. I'm sure these people are reasonable enough to take it to a different room, or outside so they can keep seeing their grandchildren.
What you fail to see here is that you're being overly strict, and not blinking an eye about cutting out close family over something that is not that serious. If you try to be this controlling in general as a parent it will blow up in your face. When kids are young, they have little choice as to what you do to control their environment, but do you think for a minute that when one of those kids hits about 14 or 15 years old (if it even takes that long) he/she won't tell you to fuck right off and tell you what a jerk you are for keeping them from grandma and grandpa just because they're smokers?
It's also a fantastic way to start a marriage. Alienating one set of parents right off the bat, letting them know they'll likely never see their future grandchildren because of something like this. I'd like to point out also that you're concerned about how a kid would turn out when they have smokers for role models, but you see nothing lacking in your fiancee, who was raised by smokers. I have no idea how old you are, nor do I care, but you are far too immature for marriage.
Jam it back in, in the dark.
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