Would you date someone with kids?

I married a woman with a son. Its a package deal. You have to be sure you want to be in it for the kid first.

That parents life revolves around that child. At least in most cases it does, I have seen selfish parents who kick their kids to the curb when a new love interest pops in.

If you go there, be all you can for the child & you will be loved by the parent 10X the ammonunt you invest.

Its not easy. The X person the past crud that pops up between them. I almost came to blows with the guy my woman was married to.
Then the responsibility, the notion that my little Anakin Skywalker could go Vader one day is a sobering thought.
You wont be the "real" dad but if you invest all you have you will become equally important.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

You seriously need to see a shrink, man.

What the hell are you talking about? No, SERIOUSLY. What the HELL are you talking about.

Originally Posted by RainMan

WOW. I... I'm... You... You're serious, aren't you?

That's stupid. You definitely shouldn't kick the kid to the curb, but any relationship in which the child is the main focus, isn't much of a relationship to begin with. The most important relationship is that of the man and woman.

You don't start dating a guy or a woman because you like their kid.

I am serious. See my avater?
When you date a person who is a parent, the kids are not just some object.
The little person is connected like an arm or leg to that mom or dad and means more to the parent than their own life.

We make a difference on how a young person grows into maturity. What you say what you do, how you relate to kids can affect them for their entire lives.

For five years I have been training my step-son on many things.

At one time I was like him, the kid with the single mom who brought strange men into our life. I remember & make the efforts to save him from the pains I went through. My wife is grateful that I make the effort that his father did not. I get my hands dirty, playing, educating, nurturing & standing up for my son to show him what a man is supposed to be when he grows up.
I use the "Jedi" idea to get the point across to him & you. He gets it and is a strong kid that makes me proud. I have a 2 year old now who is protected and loved by his older brother now. My investment has paid off.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Midna

Good god, LordsSword, your posts could scare off all single/divorced mothers from ever dating again.

0_0

So where is your insight on this question?
Look, many here have yet to understand this kind of realtionship.
Its a frightening deal full of unknowns and theories. I was afraid of the relationship but fear doesnt stop me from being the best I can.
Its easy to just sit and judge but where is your experience, what makes you think I am in the wrong?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Midna

My insight comes from being a divorced parent. Where I think you sound like a creepy bastard is when you're talking about almost getting into fights with your wife's ex and that you're equally as important as the child's father.

The guy was a jerk. We are past it now and are civil to each other.

Originally Posted by Midna

I do understand this kind of relationship very well, and I do give you credit for realizing that the kid is important, whether or not you went a little far saying the relationship should be about the kid being number 1. Yes, of course the child should be considered, but to make him/her the main focus of your relationship just seems odd.

My approach is simply to make time for the kid like I make time for the mom. I think a family should focus on kids. I took both of them on a trip for an engagement ring to show my support for both of them. They loved it.

There is no rule book for this sort of thing. I did my best & that was enough for them to keep me.

Originally Posted by Midna

You sound like the type who believes he did this woman a great favor in taking on her and her child, and both of them should be grateful.

I didnt say that. I'm telling you the truth, she thanks me often for the effort I put in for them. Not cause I let her know shes lucky but because I put in 110% to prove my love and dedication.

Where I came from my father & his father before him were not so good to the women in their lives. When I ran into my future wife & her son, I remembered the promise I made to myself when I was little.
The way I see it I am living up to what I told myself so many years ago.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?