Humiliated.

It seems like I’ve tried to suppress everything bad that’s happen to me. But regardless, there are two incidents that have really gotten to me.


I was a very silly boy back then. It was 6th grade middle school and I had developed a crush on this girl for quite sometime. After a certain point she started to hate me for some reason. A talent show was coming up so I thought, why not sing something for her? I ended singing “It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry” by AZ Yet. Now, the school was divided into things called “families” ranging from family 1 through 6. The auditorium can only hold 3 families at a time so the talent show was broken down into two segments. Now, the initial show went fine. It was when she was sitting in the front row that I started to have problems. I was having anxiety issues prior to performing and they only escalated when I got up on stage. I was able to mutter a few words before walking off stage lest I throw up on the audience. I went to the nurse’s office and went home “sick” for the rest of the day.

The other one was in high school. I was in R.O.T.C. (an alternative to Physical Education circulated around Army type stuff) and we were having sergeant promotions. This was basically where they (the higher ups who are students as well) meet you individually and they ask you a series of questions. I walked into the room and they have set up a path to critique how well you march. Towards the end of the grill session, they started asking stupid personal questions that didn’t relate whether or not I deserved to be promoted. One question the commander asked was “Ok, who do you think is the cutest guy?” He was referring to the judges. The way you address another person is to say their rank and name and I only knew one of theirs. Almost immediately after I said that I had realized what I had done. They were pretty shocked that I actually chose someone and after a few more criticisms they dismissed me. You’re supposed to march out afterwards but I quickly walked out of there. I drove home, took a shower, and tried to go sleep through the crying. Even though what happens during the interviews is supposed to stay confidential, I was pretty much alienated after that.

It hurt because ever since elementary people have made fun of me for not being “man enough.” Kids would always tease me and adults would mistake me for a girl. Even today people mistakenly call me “Miss” or “Mam” despite the full blown goatee I’ve had ever since I could grow facial hair. I just gradually isolated myself from people until I graduated high school. Of course, it still hurts if it’s brought up some how but I try to ignore it and remind myself that it’s in the past.

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