A Decision which Could Affect the Rest of My Life...

Sounds really good Vivi. However, there's a quote from Blade II:
"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer"

Although you're, in my terms, DATING, what about her jealous boyfriend? I'd keep an eye out for yourself - he may be too immature to deal with the situation and come after you. Keep your eyes peeled!

Now, don't push her buttons anymore on this, but has she figured out how to lose her (ex)boyfriend yet? I'm just worried - just keep that at the back of your mind for now.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

Yes, I will keep an eye on the other guy. Never know what is going to happen. But I will do what it takes...

Listen - This "I will do what it takes" sounds like you're too madly in love with her. Don't get so desperate - stay mature and just lend a hand for her whenever she needs it. And don't let it drive you crazy that you're not with her yet. Its a guy's weakness to want something so bad that they'll go to the ends of the earth to get it, driving them insane while doing so.

A "Five minute walk" from her supposively now 'ex-boyfriend'? Um, WTF why can't she move FARTHER away from him? Something doesn't seem right - like she wants to keep a leash on him/ keep a hold of him. I'd say girls are worse when they break out of a relationship than guys, because of the emotional attachment they had to their men that they're no longer with. It its tougher for them to move on the deeper the previous relationship was.

Just stay supportive of her for now, and keep her happy like you have been. It's up to her to clear her mind and break away 100% from this lazy, irresponsible, jealous douchebag. (Yes, I'm calling him a douchebag for a reason - any male that gets that way deserves the name).

She's trying to find out how honest you are? Pffft - she could figure that out quickly when she COURTS you.

Stay calm, collected, and strong. And yeah, uh, keep your eyes out there for the douche.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

I guess "Do what it takes" is a little (ok a lot) too strong, but luckily, I haven't told her that straight out. I think she is really a bit nervous about the whole issue. She hasn't felt pressured from me yet though. Which is good. Having her thinking about me more often is helpful as well.

OK Vivi - here we go round 2! Let's pretend that she finally took you in and you're in the romantic relationship you want. I would never say something like "I wanted you to break up with him really badly" or like you put it "I wanted to do whatever it took to get our lives together" or something similar.

DON'T EVER REVEAL HOW DESPERATE YOU ARE FOR HER! Don't say that sort of thing. Its insecurity, and some women could be as evil as they come and use it to their advantage.
I'd rather say something like "I love this moment we're sharing together" - if I was out /w her, looking on the night horizon of a city lit up in the distance (like in E.T.). When you two are hooked up - look to the future, NOT past events. Her thoughts about her ex-boyfriend will disspate quicker if you leave him out of the picture.

And don't even think about pressuring her - if you do, she may feel like she made a mistake in which she may blame you for it. Or else, blame herself and feel bad. (I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE COULD FEEL BAD THOUGH ABOUT DROPPING A SUPPOSIVE LOSER FOR A NEW, GREAT FLAME CALLED VIVI)

And she's nervous about the whole issue? She shouldn't be - just let her figure out what she wants and if it takes another month, so be it. "Don't be nervous, ok? Relax!" -could tell that to her if she says she's nervous

And here's a good bit of advice:
Is she constantly on your mind? Hrmm yes? Since you are so driven to her, use it to your advantage by WORKING OUT! Don't tell her, just drive yourself to BUILD YOUR MUSCLES! Get to that gym at least for an hour and do chest exercises, along with arms and STOMACH! You know how badly a six-pack on your stomach drives women crazy? I'd say it does.

-The key to success together is your chemistry which it sounds like you have. But I swear, having a great physical body too will definitely swing things faster I'd say. It's a great bonus!
If you are a gamer in any sort Vivi - sacrifice that shit for the gym. When your body perks up you'll get more confidence in yourself, and she'll notice it too. But don't get too much pride for it - alot of guys who got great physique turn out to be jerks (to women) because they get just too cocky then.

Anyway, I'll check up with you tomorrow, and Monday n shit. I'm hoping that I got your hopes up!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

She finds me very handsome and good looking already.... Lucky me. I have done a good job so far in being confident and not insecure.... but I probably screwed up when I said the only thing I was scared of was putting all my work into her and failing by disappointing her. I think that was a big no-no.... guess I will have to work double hard to change that perspective around.

"I was scared of putting all my work into her and failing by dissapointing her."
-Vivi, it sounds like you're striving too hard to help her (I think I mentioned this before?). You really need to keep your primary concentration on bettering YOURSELF. You've got your own goals to accomplish, so work on them. I'd say you should put 75% of your time into yourself, and 25% into her. She can make it by as long as she strives for herself. So keep the supportive role for her, but support yourself more for now.
-If you hook up with her, then make it 50/50. You improve yourself, and you aid your partner to improve themselves as well. That's my standard philosophy in any given realtionship. No 60/40, 70/30 bullcrap - its imbalanced and therefore, the relationship will fall apart.

And for God's sake, what the hell is this "failing by dissapointing her" crap? You make her smile, you have shared some good dates and such. And it sounds like she's happy with you. Yet, you're afraid that she'll get dissapointed in you? How? You smoke cigarettes and she doesn't like smokers? Ok then time to quit smoking ASAP. She hates smelly feet? Scrub your feet twice a day minimum then. But seriously, if she ever comes to the belief of being dissapointed in you, then she thinks she deserves better. Which is unabsurb BULLSHIT if it ever comes to that because evidently, she's too picky then. I hate picky women - its not like they can get together with any guy and expect their men to offer the world to them.

In any case, she was dissapointed with her last BF because he was a lazy lozer who didn't pay the bills etc. Just don't get into those bad habits - keep looking forward and stay ahead in life.

Vivi - don't tell her you're afraid of losing her in any way (another sign of DESPERATION in my view) - just act like you're close friends. Technically you are close friends for now (am I right?), not lovers yet. Just keep having fun when you go out with her, and go to different places each time. Keep her happy. And when you feel the time is right for both of you (perhaps she'll give you another HINT that she wants to be with you within a few dates or so), you could try making a move.

Spoiler:

I'm talking like this: a beach away from the crowd, in a boat out in the bay some distance away from the shore, a park, or if you really need the privacy and short on cash - your dorm or her place. Just look into her eyes, hold her hand, and tell her your "lively" feelings you get in every moment you share with her. If you can sense that she feels the same way about you, by all means then - ask her to share a relationship with you - seal the deal! I'm not sure how far off I am but be patient and it will gradually come.

Another piece of advice:
You have to be in love with yourself before you can love anyone else. There's really no hope to find love when you don't feel it inside you.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've been at work most of the day, so I missed Ultima's post. I bet it was a bad post against Vivi, so I hope he got banned.

Ill manners and hatred should not be tolerated on GFF. Vivi, I don't mind handing you out lessons on relationships - I've only been in one relationship and I've dated a couple other girls. But I'm 26 yrs old, and I've read through all kinds of shit in my time through internet research to come to an understanding of how relationships function well, or how they go sour to break-ups. I've also heard girls at my workplace talk about men like almost everyday.

I enjoy your updates and your thoughts, so by helping you out and whoever else needs it, I feel good about it. Keep it coming.

Any unfavorable replies should be deleted immediately - for GFF to function as a great site for others to join, we should all be supportive of each other.

I was speaking idiomatically.