The Santa letdown

I never really believed any of this stuff was real. Keep in mind that I grew up in Mexico where corporate mascots were really lacking to milk holidays for consumer cash so when I got to the States in '88 and I was already 9, I never really bought into any of it. The logistics of the Santa Claus myth alone were fucking mind-blowing!

"You mean to tell me some fat fuck who lives in frozen tundra is gonna fly all over the world delivering presents to EVERY CHILD ON THIS PLANET? ON A SLEIGH? AND DELIVER THEM BY CLIMBING DOWN A CHIMNEY? ISN'T THAT CALLED BREAKING AND ENTERING?"

Then again, I don't believe in god either so the concept of other imaginary friends is lost on me to begin with.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

See, the thing is Santa wasn't a tangible belief. You couldn't put your finger to it if you tried because he was this abstract figure that just committed a routine B&E on everyone's home on Christmas. You kind of have to grow up eventually and move into the real world where PEOPLE gift each other things, not some fat fuck pedophile who hides out in frozen tundra and lives with an army of midgets.

As it is, I grew up in a Catholic home and, on top of my already questioning the existence of an invisible man in the sky, my parents didn't really condone the whole Santa myth; probably because Santa was cutting in on Baby Jesus™'s action.

Eventually, my parents just started discouraging that we buy anyone outside our family gifts unless they were really close. This was cool with me because once the whole Santa thing was done away with and we were giving each other presents FROM ONE ANOTHER in our family, it became that much more meaningful. That's why I wear a 40 year old Citizen watch with more bumps and scratches than a Tijuana hooker and still have a 20-year old Targus camera that jams when it's about 30˚F outside; they were given (or passed on, depending on how you look at it) to me by my father and mother respectively, not a corporate mascot who fiddles kids at the mall when he's had too much eggnog.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by nuttyturnip

That sort of logic is fine when you're a teenager or an adult, but a five year old doesn't care about all that. They're still able to believe in magic, fairy tales, etc., and don't view old men in musty jackets as potential child molesters. With all the heartland "War on Christmas" folks in this country, I can't believe this thread is representative of the number of children who never believed in Santa.

OK. Maybe it's because I didn't phrase it correctly, but that's not really where I was going with that. I know it's different for me because, despite all our fuck-ups and differences, our family was very close and it was important for my parents to keep us grounded in a certain sense of reality; at least as sensible as it could be considering they believed in "god". We never believed that Santa or, as is common to "believe" in Mexico, The Three Wise Men brought us our presents because it was never "taught" to us, I guess is what I'm saying.

As I grew older I grew more appreciative of this fact and, even though my parents and I grew apart as far as our religious and spiritual beliefs were concerned I was always thankful that they were able to keep me grounded in reality without being the total dick about it that I'M being right now.

I hope this makes sense.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.