HEY ASSHOLE, GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD

I drive with all 4 windows on my car down all the time so my one pet peeve (aside from a lot of the ones listed already) are dumbfuck pedestrians who get belligerent just because you have your windows down and they are clearly in the wrong.

You know the type, goddamnit! I'm talking about the beached hambeast who walks on the road that is generally reserved for cars and yells out, "PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY, ASSHOLE!" when you drive close enough for your side mirror to slice some bacon off her back because there's no other place you can maneuver your car through... BECAUSE SHE'S TAKING 2/3 OF IT.

Yeah... I hate that cunt. Sometimes I want to hit her as fast as I can to see if she blows up like the Middle-America cattle in Cruisin' USA.

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I suggest you stay the fuck off the road then. One of them crazy niggas might run you over.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by pompadork

Wouldn't a mass of horses and trampling in the streets cause you even MORE trouble though.

In DA WILD WILD WEST (YO), this is kind of a tradition though.

Additional Spam:

Originally Posted by Gechmir

c) Multi-taskers. These guys slowly meander about in the lane. I don't know about ya'll, but I *always* use a blinker when switching lanes. Some folks just don't do it, so whatever. I'll see someone in the lane ahead and to the left slooowwwwly meandering in to my lane. I figure "okay, lane change, whatever." But then they scoot back over in to theirs. It happens repeatedly and makes me uneasy about proceeding forward, lest they hit me

You see Miles?!?! I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS ABOUT YOU!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

6.) Women: Don't drive SUVs and talk on your phone at the same time. I'll rip your throats out.

I absolutely hate this shit. On a daily basis I get no fewer than 8 or 9 of these cunts: A stereotypical "soccer mom" who traded their once modestly-sized minivan for the hubristic desire to drive gas-guzzling fuck-you-mobiles while talking on their cell phones and drinking their grande enema latte. Then they get INDIGNANTLY LIVID when you honk your horn at them because they are straddling two lanes with their fucking tank traveling 20 on a 35, which, (hey) wouldn't happen if they were paying attention to the road. Fuck you, bitch! Either get off the road or get off the planet; I'm not giving a third choice here.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Just a while ago when I was taking my mom to the doctor I saw another of my driver peeves: People (usually driving something "large and in charge") who cut through corner gas stations at top speed to avoid waiting for their opportunity to make a right turn. Just once I wish they would blow a tire right as they bump the sidewalk, lose control of their bathtub-on-wheels and subsequently veer into one of the pumps to cause a glorious apocalyptic explosion that burns them alive while trapped inside their Hummer.

No seriously... I really do wish that upon every last one of those fucks.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Josiah

(Though they're certainly easier to spot than darker colors, experience has shown me that lighter colors like white aren't as noticeable in headlights or peripheral vision as one might think.)

Are you high? White reflects light. REFLECTS. That means that the light comes back in your direction. I hope you can grasp that before your next post.

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Originally Posted by Zergrinch

People actually use turn signals? Most folks in my hometown don't. They just go wavy-wavy hands out the appropriate left/right window to signal a turn.

See but at least they signal where they intend to go. Cockmonglers over here don't give any of us that luxury and sometimes even our superhuman reflexes aren't quick enough to avoid a minor collision because some fuck cuts us off at the last second.

FELIPE NO

Here's another type of flaccid-dicked driver that needs to be locked in his pickup-with-a-9"-lift-kit-to-compensate-for-my-manhood cab with a pack of rabid badgers that are high on cocaine:

Lifted pickup drivers who think that the 25 mph speed limit in a school zone only applies to the 6 feet before and after the school's main gate; everything else is of no consequence. They will drive well over 50 mph in a school zone just so that they can cum to the booming sound of their gas-gargling engine exhausting its fumes through their "sweet Flowmaster pipes" and then slam on their brakes before they reach the gates just to give the impression that they were obeying the applicable speed law which is, you know, in place for the safety of kids.

Those pricks deserve to have my students shove an entire sack of potatoes into their exhausts so that their engines blow up like fucking Bosnian land mines.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Megalith

Tailgating, because there's really no reason for it. Yes, I drive one of the best looking cars on the road, and you are jealous, I get it. You can pass.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Radez29

Ie, suppose someone rear ends him, and because he's practically bumper to bumper, he rolls forward and rear ends me.

Ain't your fault. Fucker's insurance pays for your repairs. Dumbfuck people make dumbfuck mistakes and you should take your money from the dumbfuck insurance company what were... dumbfuck enough to ensure them in the first place.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

No... I think he means that, from your description of what you think "engine braking" is, you obviously don't know how to drive a fucking manual car; therefore he wouldn't want to be the one in front of you when you attempt your fumbling fucked up braking at his expense.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.