Random Insomniac Ramblings...

Well, another bout of anxiety wrought insomnia. I have to work at 8a.m., and as a result my obsessive mind will not allow me to sleep. Oh well, people have easily survived 36 hours without sleep, and I can do it too, I'm getting tired of this though...my mind that is, always analyzing everything, causing me anxiety in the times that I need a clear mind the most. Oh well, everyone has issues, some with other people, some with themselves, for me it's the later of the two. My obsessive tendencies frustrate the heck out of me, because I worry about things so much that they happen because I've worried about them so much, it's a self fulfilling prophecy. As a result of worrying about not being able to sleep and being overtired at work tomorrow, I've created that problem. I also made the decision to just give in tonight, unlike other nights in the past where I've fought, and TRIED and TRIED to sleep to no avail. Tonight I'm sitting here, staring at the screen, just finished reading all of Proverbs from the N.I.V. of the Bible, don't get to read the Bible much, or I should say I don't make myself time to read the Bible much, so that's one benefit of not sleeping...I guess. My faith hasn't been doing as great as it could lately, so I'm really trying to get back in the swing of things, trying to conciously assess the moral implications of my actions at any given moment and actually trying to care about life and how I'm living it. I've tried in the past to just stop caring, as caring leads to pain, but I just can't do that, I just care too much about the people around me...I wish I could care more about myself from time to time, but that's life...

All I really care about right now is giving myself the strength to get through the 8-5 on no sleep and having to deal with the reprecussions of how I'll no doubt treat customers in my current mindset. Also, there seems to be quite the "never stop moving" vibe from the management at work, and I just can't keep moving for 9 hours on 0 hours of sleep, even if I only got up at 12:30 this afternoon. You know what though, I've done it before, I can do it again if I have to. *sigh* 4 hours 19 minutes until I'm officially on shift - once I'm done here I think I'll go burn some more midnight oil watching Mythbusters or shooting the shit on irc, wait...no...it'll be Counter Strike for sure, or maybe BF 2142, whatever, we'll see...I wonder if I'd be able to get some food from upstairs without waking the 'rents? No doubt if I do wake them up I'll have do deal with some "hyper rational" "This is rediculous, you should just get in bed and forget things and sleep, I don't like this at all, this is rediculous, get to bed, grrr, we can do it so can you, so just do it" crap that I always have to deal with, they just can't understand the mindframe that I get into, I hate it. Lol, my brother just strolled past on the way from the washroom, "Isn't it a little late to not be able to sleep?" how profound... At this point I shouldn't even try to sleep, I need to keep myself "powered up" so to speak, if I relax I'm done for, hello falling asleep every 10 minutes on my feet at work, hello having my manager yell at me every 10 minutes, goodbye trying to have a productive day tomorrow(later on today I guess).

Anyways, I'm off, if you feel like posting here in your moments of insomniac frustration go ahead...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

I have a friend who has suffers (and still does) from chronic insomnia, and I can't think of any other solution other than going to the doctor. Whatever he can recommend is surely worth a try considering how little sleep you are getting. I know some people have hang-ups about medication but I think sleeping pills are the only option really (from a non-medical standpoint, because to be fair I know fuck all about that stuff). It's at least worth a try. I have had insomnia, not to the extent you describe, but bad enough to make me take sleeping pills and the change was incredible.

Apart from the pill aspect, I'm not sure how to help you. I could suggest a large number of things for you to do, none of which, I'm sure, would be of any use at all. Talk to your doctor. It's the only thing I could suggest.

I have, to say the least, REACTIONS to sleeping pills. All that I've tried have caused me to have insane hallucinations(and I'm not on anything else that would cause this). Last time I popped a SleepEeze I forgot where I was when I woke up in my own house and scared the shit out of myself, and that was the night before I was flying to Cuba, needless to say I haven't tried them since...

The biggest thing for me that's keeping me up seems to be knowing when I have to get up the next day, I fall asleep easier when I have no deadline to be up, when it's an early deadline I can't sleep at all.

There's nowhere I can't reach.