Theoretical Suicide

I used to think of commiting suicide when I was in years 7 and 8 of secondary school. This was mainly because I got picked on because of my weight. It was a sad time and no one seemed to be bothered, not my parents, not my teachers not even my friends who were suppose to care about me. I hated myself and I didn't want to be picked on.

I'd been picked on since I was in primary school because I was larger then everyone else in my class, I was always the main target for jokes and taunts. This continued to secondary school but got worse because their were more people picking on me.

I started to think about suicide after meeting a girl in school who self harmed. I tried that for a while but it didn't seem to take the pain away, so I started talking to her about ways to kill myself. She listened to me and got so into she started making a list of all the ideas we had.

I thought about it way too much I wrote about it loads in my diary and even drew pictures of how I'd do it. I tended to favour the idea of overdosing on pills because there were plenty of pills I could take in our medience cabinant and it was a clean way.

But as time went by things gradually got better and the suicidal thoughts began to die away. I came across my old diary a couple of months ago and reading back through it I realised it was silly of me to even contemplate doing it. I'm glad now that I didn't because my life has improved so much plus I didn't want to put my parents through the pain of loosing their only daughter.

There may be other times I may think about trying to do it but for now I'm thinking happy thoughts. Well as happy as they can be.

Jam it back in, in the dark.