What to do about being shy...

Okay, since I've been teased 3 years during primary school, I greatly lost confidence in myself and in other people. My confidence has dropped a lot back then and I ended up being shy when other people are around.

Also, during primary school, there was NO contact at all between boys and girls. It was boys with boys, girls with girls. I almost never spoke to a girl during primary school.

Now, it's been three years since I left primary school, and currently i'm in the 3rd class of high school.

Since I chose an other high school than the rest of my old class in primary school, I ended up in a new class with total different people. I really needed to get used to the fact that in that class, everyone was friends with each other, meaning girls had male friends, and boys had female friends. During that year, my conifdence in people came back and I made new friends. I fell in love with new girls but none of them liked me.

The second year was pretty the same, although, during this year i got my first 2 female friends. (No girlfriend though)

Now, in the third year, i've been changing the way I looked. I swapped my glasses for contacts, got rid of my brackets, grew my longer (still doing that) and dyed my hair black. I seem to have more luck with girls now, because I look way better than I did before, in my point of view.

I fell in love with a girl, and she was in love with me too. That was for 3 months... We were both shy, so nothing came out of it. :dotdotdot: (Damn I hate my shyness)

Last week, I've been on cultural exchange to France. it was very fun! A girl who's in my class came to me and said: '"I think you easily can get girls." I was like, WTF. I asked why. she replied: "Well, you're hot, nice and sexy" I was like: Yeah right. A guy who's also in my class heard that and said: "You're kidding right?" (He's pretty popular among girls, so i guess he was jealous) She replied: "No, i mean it!" I said "Thanks a lot!''

Now, that girl has or had (Dunno, but during the exchange she had) a boyfriend so i knew she didn't want me to be her boyfriend. I liked her in the beginning of the year, i believe she liked me too, but now... Nah. We get along with each other well but we aren't friends or something.

Also, during the exchange there was this french girl i liked and she liked me too. Now that I'm back in my own country I was trying to get contact with her, but alas... Nothing. :aargh:

And when i was in Amiens during the Exchange, two french girls came out of the blue and asked me where I came from etc. etc. We had a nice chat for a while.

This gave me a big boost of confidence in myself. I dare to say more things about what i think and such... I somehow get some people to laugh at my jokes, which never happened in the past...

But, (now the main deal is coming) I'm still not confortable with talking to girls. I really want a girlfriend, and i think my time that i get one isn't far off, the only thing that's stopping me for getting one, is my shyness.

On MSN, i have some pretty nice girls too, and there's this girl I talked to pretty much during the exchange. She's not in my class but we're in the same school and both in the same year of high school. We get along very well and everytime we meet during school we say hi to each other. I want to be friends with her but i'm to shy to talk to her on MSN.

Now, how am I supposed to get rid of my shyness? I'm introvert, but I'm trying to be more extrovert and it's working out for a bit, but if I just could get rid of my shyness it would work out better.

So, how am I supposed to get rid of it?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

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And do you really want to rush things and become some wannabe-chick-magnet-caricature of yourself?

That's something i DON'T want to become. I want to be a nice guy and not some kind of player.

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Also, shy people tend to look down when they walk. If you're like that, take it out of your system. Walk like you're in charge (without overly doing it). People can pick up on people that are shy just based on their posture so assuming a more dominant and/or relaxed posture is a good thing to do.

Wow... Thanks for that advice. I tend to look down when i walk. I'll throw that outta my system.

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A little bit of me believes that you see a lot of girls as possible girlfriends, which makes it harder to talk to them. I know you're just looking for one, but since you're talking to them for a purpose, it might seem a little more imposing to talk to a girl since you're probably thinking, if you mess up, than that's it with any chances of her being your girlfriend.

You understand me! Exactly! I don't know why I think that way... But it's true. It's true, I'm easy going with guys. I just mess around a bit... And we have fun.

But somehow, I don't do that with girls. To them, I'm just nice... And, that's all. I try to help them out when they have troubles. And sometimes, but less frequently than with guys, I mess around with them a bit. But when it comes to talking to them... Aiaiaiaiaiai... And on MSN it's even worse.

Anyway, thanks for the tips guys! I hope they work. :biggrin:

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Pez

If you are shy and introverted, my feeling is you’ll be less likely to run your mouth off and say stupid stuff, but more likely to have awkward silences. However, along the same lines, you probably think about things a lot more before the situation occurs, so can plan ahead in detail: the timing, the opening line, what to say in case of silences etc. Think of it like having to give a 2 minute speech on a topic… it’s hard to do so off the top of your head, but if you’ve had the opportunity to think about it and some preparation it becomes easier to manage. If you’re able to focus on achieving the task at hand, you won’t have time to worry about being self conscious.

I don’t think you can ever completely get rid of shyness… but what you can do is to ‘pretend’ to be an extrovert. Initially, just feign the confidence: act how you would if you did have confidence. Thinking about how you would change is the first step -soon, you’ll have that confidence for real.

T

Totally true. I think about things a lot before I say them. It sometimes takes a bit courage for me to say what i think. Heh, I think of things sometimes nobody else would think of. I'm think and plan a lot yeah.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

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However, if you end up being the typical "nice guy," it would appear that girls would not pursue you really but see you more as a accomplice or a good friend. That is ideal rather than thinking...oh shoot which girl would I want as a gf or something.

I know some relationships emerge from friendships. I dunno if that's going to happen to me, but okay.

But...

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Ah yes, just be a nice guy. Girls like them but wouldn't want to date them.

So, in other words, i should mess around a bit with them? A bit more playful? Hmmm... :eyebrow:

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Smoodle

I think it's bizarre that you have a harder time talking to her online. It's just the opposite with me, and I'm just about as introverted as an introvert gets ... almost.

Yeah... Well it's more like... taking the first step. Just tackle it and press enter... It's just not my thing. I'd rather talk to a girl in person. Sounds weird, but it's the truth.

On MSN, I have to ''take the lead'' in convo's 9 out of 10 times. That's really annoying since I have to come up with things to talk about. But, that isn't the main deal.

This is the main deal why I dislike talking to a girl on MSN.

2 years ago, there was this girl. We were getting along great. Especially on MSN. I had a webcam I mostly used when I was chatting with her. Then one day, I fell in love with her.

Then things started to happen. In class, I kept looking at her. One day she noticed that. Later that day, I was on MSN. She came online and I thought: Yay, there she is again. To my suprise, our ''last'' convo went different.

<Girl> WTH is wrong with you?!?
<Me> ?
<Girl> You're staring at me!
<Girl> Are you in love with me something?!?
<Me> No
<Girl> Freak *Blocks me*

My first reaction: Okay... Rejected again... V_V *sigh*
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Now, that I was rejected didn't bother me at all. I'm used to that. What bothered me, is that she blocked me for more than HALF A YEAR. She came online in few matters of occations, just to pick on me and block me again. COWARD!

Now, one of her friends is my friends too so I talked with that friend about it. She said she would ask that girl that blocked me for the motives of blocking me.

My friend came back with this aswer: She didn't like the convo's you two had with each other. I was like: WTF is she talking about?!? Cuz, before she blocked me, it was her most of the times that began a convo.

A few months later she unblocked me. I blocked her after she unblocked me. All she did was lieing to me all the time.

One day (way past the day I chose to unblock her for several reasons) she talked to me again. All she had was a question. I was like: Kay... go ahead then. After that question i was like: Kay, is that what you wanted? Bye.
But, she kept talking to me. To me, that convo didn't feel like the convo's we had in the olden days. I haven't spoken to her ever since and I don't feel like doing so.

But her motive... left a scar. I'm afraid that history will repeat. Sounds crazy, I know. Almost everytime I talk to a girl, I think: I hope she doensn't think our convo's are boring...

That's why I don't like talking to a girl on MSN.

BTW, the tips you guys gave me work out great. A little example:

Several classes including mine are holding a signature petition on school to prevent a favorite teacher of us getting fired. A gal in my class had a paper for sigs and I had one too. We decided that I would go around to ask for signatures in a part of the school and she would do a part.

I got the crowded part of the school. first I went to get signatures from my friends and buddies, but soon I ended up saying: Hey you, come here and plz sign for this petition we're holding. I ended up with around 60 Signatures and she ended up with rougly 20 to 30. She was like: Where the hell did you get so many signatures?

So in other words, I'm becoming less shy! :biggrin:

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by gaming

Why didn't you say yes when she asked you if you were in love with her?

LOL I wanted to, but i was afraid she rejected me and our convo's would stop. But, it happened anyway. Now I think about it, I think it wouldn't have mattered if I said yes or no.

Originally Posted by valiant

Due to this, do not concern yourself over her. Sounds like she is too self conscious with a desired acknowledgment concerning awareness or such. I mean, that question was really direct and then her response of blocking you was rather immature...perhaps she could have added levity to the response with a "lol" or something...come on now, the PHONE is the more ideal means of communication.

DA PHONE?!? Oh hell no. I'd rather talk to somebody over MSN. I hate talking to somebody over the phone. Yes, it's more ideal for communication, but it's not my thing.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Part of shyness is being afraid of doing something that you'll regret later

Yup, I do things and a few moments later I'm like: Shit. Shouldn't have done that.

About the girl I want to be friends with... It's going well. She's talking on MSN to me without any reason for it (The last 4 times where for printing something and sending some pictures to her). Let's hope this doesn't turn out like the other thingy I mentioned above with that other girl. I just keep going on and see what'll happen, I guess.

Originally Posted by Washyu64

You just need to find out where you both stand on something you both like/love to do and start working at the relationship.

Good luck to you!

Thanks! I've been asking that girl what music she likes and such. I like all sorts of music so I'm gonna have an easy one on the music part... Or not. VGM... I don't know what to about that.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Hmmm...

In my point of view, I know myself well enough. I know what I want to study later and I know which people are my friends, what kind of person I am...

I just want to be less shy. Like Monkey King said: Part of shyness is being afraid of doing something that you'll regret later. I'm like that. *Sigh* Guess that'd be my main deal... If i just can get rid of that thought.

FELIPE NO