Hey! Are you listening to me?

I always thought it was ridiculously cliche for women to complain that men don't know how to listen but I seem to be experiencing it firsthand. When I talk to someone and they're telling me about something, I always try to ask questions to be considerate and to seem invested in the conversation but lately I've been spending time with a guy who has an inability to do that. Most of the time we're talking about him and his life and I know he's not doing this on purpose so I'm at a loss if this is a personality trait or a gender trait.

It's not crippling my perception of him but it is bothering me a bit. So, is this a typical guy thing to do? To only want to hear and talk about college football and shit like that. When you're with girls, even if you don't give two shits about whatever spiel they're spilling, do you at least pretend to be interested and create a conversation around what they're saying?

How ya doing, buddy?

I've observed that most males ARE pretty self-involved and talk mostly about themselves but the thing is, I'm spending more than just time with this guy so somehow, I have this thought that he out of anyone else should want to get to know more about me. Somehow I get the feeling that it isn't he doesn't want to hear about my day or anything like that, but if he's not interested, he won't pretend that he is, which I'm not sure if it's selfish (which I'm thinking it is since I do directly the opposite, especially when I care for that person) or if it's just a guy thing. Hell, it might as well be a person thing, I have lots of guy and girl friends who won't pretend to be interested but like I said, I just wish that he out of anyone else should do directly the opposite.

Or maybe I'm just sitting here trying to find something wrong with him since he's the most perfect guy I know. ugh.

The observing him with other people is a good idea though.

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Originally Posted by Ayos

Not sure I follow you there...

I thought it was obvious but he likes me and we're been spending a lot of time together.

Quote:

Well, you may think it's selfish, he may think it's honest. Perhaps a little too honest, but feigning interest in something and having the other person discover you really weren't interested at all, is usually worse than just acting uninterested.

That's where it gets kind of tricky, I don't feel I'm being dishonest when I pretend to be interested in what he talks about (usually his major, his frat stuff or football), I feel I'm being considerate in wanting to learn more about him and also allowing him to talk about the things that interest him, because inevitiably what interests him should interest me to some degree, right? That's how I feel and I don't think it's such a huge stretch to treat other people like this.

Quote:

This kind of statement usually hints that there's way more wrong with him than you're willing to let yourself see or even admit if you DO see it. Usually. At the very least, it shows a tiny bit of idealization, which may not be a bad thing, but it's something to be careful of. Realistically, what makes this guy so perfect?

I know my statement sounded a bit idealistic but there's a difference between me calling him the most perfect guy I know, and a perfect guy. He's got flaws too and I do see them, but what attracted me to him in the first place was what a gentleman he is in treating women and what good manners he has, which is so rare to find. Also he's got a great personality and is hilarious

Really I feel that the problem (if it even is one) is easy to fix, I know if I tell him how I feel, he'll try harder to listen better but I was simply curious if this is a trait universal amongst males or simply his own thing. I'm starting to lean more towards the a dominant male personality trait since I've noticed and asked some guys I know, and I've gotten mostly the same answers. The only difference is the type of interest they would pretend when hearing things about girls that don't interest them.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Hey thanks for the help Ayos, help put things into perspective and it helps from an objective point of view. I don't feel as if I've solved things or come to a great epiphany but I'll just see where things take me.

Also thanks to everyone else.

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