Dealbreakers

For lack of a better word, I'll use the crude one, posers. The guys who like to act like they're tough and hardcore and all this jazz when they really are not. I, frankly, find it hilarious, kind of self depreciating and a bit patethic. I'd rather someone be a bit awkward and gawky but genuine and sincerely themselves, I find a lot more attractive.

Also guys who don't work hard. If you're complaining about school all the time and not doing your homework and talking that the professor has it out for you and your manager at work, it shows me you're not a real go getter and just like to complain when things don't go you way. Stop bitching and start doing something, it's frustrating when men act this way.

Otherwise if they are themselves and genuine, no amount of nose picking would bother me. Well, maybe a little. And sweaty hands. And messy eating. Otherwise, everything is peachy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Personally I think it's good manners for men to pay for the first couple dates, I was taught its the mark of a good gentleman. Because I always associate when I'm out with my guy friends, we'll go dutch but when I'm with a possible boyfriend or on a date, he pays for me to show interest, that's he's different from a "friend". I'm more traditional that I like a guy taking care of me. Some girls hate it when guys pay for dates, not matter what the circumstances, I have a friend who always insists on paying for everything to impose her sense of independence right from the start of a relationship. These are the same girls that don't like it when guys open doors for them. Because it's just so offensive.

My dealbreaker: I'm compulsive. I can't stand it when my boyfriend comes to my house and moves my shit around or makes a mess. I'll start fights over it and I have. I'm also so really moody, a small little thing could mess up my day and I'll be awful for the rest of it. It is managable if the guy knows how the manage it and not make it worst, but 80% of the guys I've known have not.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by SMX

Since Alice won't/can’t, can you enlighten me on why its good manners? I can’t seem to figure it out.

At least outside of "I just want things to be like that logic." Which I find sickening.

"Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to change how you see things. I’m just pointing out how mine actually makes sense while yours do not."

Like russ said, if a guy can't fork over $20 for a dinner, then how can he afford to be in a relationship. I'm no good digger but I want to know a guy can take care of me, or more so willing to. This is just ME, some girls don't like so it's not some universal conspiracy. It's personal preference more than anything else.

Just like some cultures think it's good manners to take off your shoes when you go into someone's house, some cultures/people think it's good manners for a man to pay for the woman. My mom taught me that way, I agree with it, the end.

And Alice, is your husband your first cousin (parent's sibling's kid) or is it a more distant.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

In the context of first dates, it is "fair" to go dutch on a date but I don't think relationships are necessarily about what's fair and what's not fair. It's always a give and take, and I want to make sure that the man is willing to GIVE as well as TAKE. The question isn't of his ability to provide for any potential circumstance but more his willingness to. I hate to say it this way but I want to make sure that he has his priorities straight. You can have money and the ability to give your family everything you can, but if you don't have the heart for it, then there's no point.

That's why this isn't about dating a rich guy and knowing if he's rich on the first date and having him treat me out on a lavish dinner, but if you're dating a good, decent guy who is there for you and wants to take care of you, even if it's giving you the bigger half of the cookie. Because that's what you do when you like a person, possibly even love. Most women want the comfort of knowing that they come first for a guy. A way to verify it is if he pays for the first date, he shows you that you're important and you're special and that he sees you differently from every other girl he knows.

That's my take on it. I've had guys not pay for me and it's not the end of the world. Although ironically, I never got into a relationship with any of them. So I figure, hypothetical you and I would never make it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by SMX

That’s fine and I can perfectly identify with your train of reasoning here. However, I think the fatal flaw in this reasoning is that, considering the context of the date is “we barely know each other,” do you really think a guy’s wiliness to pay for a date is the equivalent of his willingness to give, specifically to you? Do you not see the compromise of sincerity here, considering the guy barely knows you?

I think you should put yourself in a male’s point of view to understand this better. As a guy, you come across so many females who simply expect you two behave this way that eventually it simply becomes protocol. Thus, the genuineness is destroyed. After you go through this, so much, it doesn’t become a matter of “I care about this girl I want to do something for her.” It simply becomes a routine of the game. With your male vision in tact, keep in mind that this gets so bad for some men that they would rather just pay a hooker, hurry up and get their dick sucked, and not be bothered with all the other crap.

Point being, as a guy who has been through the whole dating game time after again, how much money I’m willing to spend on you – when I barely even know you – is completely separated from my care for you as a person. This is why I told myself I’m not doing that shit anymore. It’s only genuine when I want to pay. Not when I feel like I’m coerced into following proper protocol because the chic is going to dealbreak otherwise. And let’s face it; rarely do I click with someone so instantly on the first date that I earnestly want to start giving them stuff. Personally, I think only the inexperienced do.

I'll be the first to say I have more of a relationship mentality, I don't find dating strangers to be particularily enticing because it is most of the times, hit or miss and bad dates are bad dates. That's why most first dates I've been to are with friends that end up asking me out. That means that I know them fairly to very well on a friendship basis and they want to take it to the next level. By him paying for the date, it's an indicator that I am special, he's sincere about pursing me and that he sees me as more than a "friend". Sure we can split the bill but how is this any different than the other times we've been out to eat. Because we're in nicer clothes and it's only the two of us?

Even with the few I've been with non-friends (IE: guy I worked with, someone I met in a coffee shop, etc.), when a guy asks me out on a date and I barely know him, I hardly consider buying a person a meal is the same as "giving them stuff". It's thanking them for taking the time out of their busy day to spend time with you, it's saying thank you for a nice evening, thank you for saying yes for the date. It's not, I love you and want to give you babies, most of the time it's just the classy thing and courteous thing to do. It's a thank you, in it's simplest form.

And to add, I can understand how that is a flaw because paying for the girl has become such a social norm, some men do it simply because they feel they have to do it to be responsible. But to be honest, it's not a problem for me because that at least shows me he has some recognition of responsibility. Sincerity in a relationship can be shown in more ways than one, responsibility is a smaller scope.

Obviously you and I don't think along the same wavelength. Let's just simplify this and sum up what I think when a guy asks me out (regardless of how well we know each other) and he doesn't pay. Cheap or just wants to be friends. I don't think "Oh well this is a moral stance and he'll become more generous once we get serious." I'm sure some girls think that way, I'm just not one of them. You're not giving her a diamond ring. Paying for dinner is not commitment, it's not I love you, it's not a gift of any kind. As said, I really do consider it just as a simple "Thank You".

I was speaking idiomatically.