[DnD] GW URBX: 20! EVERYONE IS EXPLODE

Ayup.



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Skills.

FELIPE NO

The shadows aren't in range to do anything interesting after their move, so just go ahead. Updated post-shadows map:

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

So! I will update your sheets to level 2 as time permits, but there's no hurry since next episode ain't startin' 'til after meet get real. In the meantime I need some decisions from y'all.

Sometime when I wasn't paying attention, the D&D character builder changed how backgrounds work and now they actually have mechanical elements and matter a lil' bit. So I'm gonna reflavor them into setting-appropriateness and then you guys can pick what you like or I'll pick one for you since many of you are bad at making prompt decisions! Ok! More options! More analysis paralysis! YAY!

Like your agent told you, if you lost sponsors (and you all did), you need to make some new arrangements to get back up to 3. I am thinking about adding little mechanical bonuses to sponsorship next episode, but I will not tell you in advance what bonuses a given sponsor might offer! Because then boring numbers manipulation instead of funny thing.

Your money: like Louie told you, if you can find it, you can buy it. That is: show me a real-world storefront (ideally online but if you wanna take a picture of a literal shop window then fine) that sells what you want for a given price, and you get it for that price. If you want something that doesn't exist in the real world (or at least can't be conveniently bought) like a rocket chainsaw or a wand of fireballs, you need to go through Louie's fence. He'll quote you a price, and you can take it or leave it.

Cette and Wvlf have both shown interest in joining the game, so I figure we can go back to the rotation method if they're still interested. If someone wants to volunteer to go to the back of the line to let them in early; cool, if not they'll just roll in as casualties occur.

Ummm. THAT'S IT I THINK, now accepting audience queries ok

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Well, that was PART of it, but the bigger part was that I looked at what the diggles could do on their turn and it was NOTHIN' again and you guys clearly were never going to branch out and explore the rest of the cave and find all the dirty tricks I put in there so EJECT BUTTON

(I have a METHOD planned whereby you will be mechanically encouraged to spread out and fight instead of squishing into a big defensive wall of bristling guns)

(Plus also the thing about the spreading smoke making it laughably difficult for you to survive shadow rampage is basically a true thing, we could have theoretically played it out but it would just be several weeks of all of you looking sad when you rolled anything less than a 17.)

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You cannot! Because if it was something clever I would want to reskin it and use it later, and if it was just a really cheap pit trap I would never admit that, ever

v SOMETIMES CHECKERS? OR EVEN TIC-TAC-TOE. OF THE ANCIENTS

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Well, it's something, and that's adequate.

Got basically no background for Mamara or Cliff though, since Mamara is mostly a living tautology and Cliff exists because I pushed random buttons while Hawk was still suffering Rufus Detachment Disorder.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I return to find no activity. I know some of you have been busy learning about SPORTS. But some of you have no excuse. You make me sad. You make everyone sad with your TOTAL FAILURE.

I was speaking idiomatically.

don't worry no matter how long you take Skills will take a full month longer than that

How ya doing, buddy?

Skills is being actively harassed through this process right now so Rychord we'll be waitin' on you.

Once Rychord has posted, if you needed a new sponsor and didn't pick it a terrible one will be assigned to you. Probably something about linens.

FELIPE NO

Was looking at Diss' character intro at the beginning of the thread before starting on updating his sheet, and I learned a lot about Sven's cultural heritage.

Quote:

Soon, he would return to the mountains with the dwarven secrets and he would earn the loftiest and most impressive of honorifics his people had ever known.

Probably a penis.

How ya doing, buddy?

PROBLEM SOLVED

[00:30] <+Disslaptop> Skills finish your mutant shopping.
[00:30] <@a_lurker> Yeah I can't argue with that.
[00:31] <@a_lurker> OH MY GOD SKILLS STILL ISN'T DONE
[00:31] <@a_lurker> IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I WAS LAST MADE AWARE OF THIS FACT
[00:31] <@a_lurker> JESUS DUDE
[00:31] <+Air_Wreck> wut?
[00:31] <@a_lurker> ok I'll do Skills' shopping for him
[00:31] <+Bruce_Wa> Giant toad... pinball... angry goat.. gummi Dune. Ok. Lies avoided.
[00:31] <+Bruce_Wa> Yes! Please do. He has $925 to spend.
[00:31] <@a_lurker> he wants lamp sockets.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> Leviton Solid Brass Shell, W/Uno Thread, Turn-Knob Socket With Antique Key - Light Sockets - Amazon.com
[00:32] <@a_lurker> like this.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> $925 worth of lamp sockets.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> actually fuck that one, this is a third of the price: GE 3-Way Lamp Socket, Gold 54372 - Light Sockets - Amazon.com
[00:32] <+Bruce_Wa> That sounds extremely fair.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> ok done
[00:32] <@a_lurker> Hit me up whenever you need me to make stupid decisions on someone else's behalf
[00:33] <+Bruce_Wa> EXCELLENT
[00:33] <+Disslaptop> Skills you've finished shopping.
[00:34] <+Bruce_Wa> This is even better than Shin's shopping list, and that just boiled down to HOWEVER MUCH BOOM I CAN GET
[00:34] <@a_lurker> Dude, proper lighting is incredibly important.
[00:35] <@a_lurker> I mean, what if the party gets stuck in a hotel where all the lamps are broken
[00:35] <@a_lurker> now you can fix them!
[00:35] <+Bruce_Wa> True. I put them in the dark and Skills reacted by starting a grease fire, so hopefully we can forestall that sort of thing happening again
[00:35] <@a_lurker> I'M HELPING \o/

Jam it back in, in the dark.

You, uh, you're technically waiting on me now, I suppose, largely because Obsidian Portal fucked everything up and I had to reconfigure a bunch of shit and anyway I'll try to get the last character sheet update done tonight

There's nowhere I can't reach.

OKAY!

Sven Esperansita Jill Flopflap Cliff

You may notice some changes. Most of this is in the form of giving you more options and resources because giving you more rope to hang yourself with is funny to me. You have a Background now, which is tied to any actual character background you've bothered to give me (which is sometimes precious little, but here we are). Right now the backgrounds just give you additional powers, some of them will do other things later.

Your shopping's done; if something required the fence, it cost an additional $50 in fees. If you asked for something and didn't get it at all, you couldn't afford it (sorry, Rings of Protection aren't cheap).

Healing Surges! They're back! In extremely limited form! I don't know if any of you even have powers that would let you access them, oh dear.

Your "primary" sponsor now gives you a bonus feat. You can switch which of your sponsors gets the place of honor if you want and see if you like the new feat any better, but I wouldn't try it mid-Xpedition.

Your "URBX" skill, which was never really clear on what it did, is now "Resources", which represents the strength of your network (excluding Melancholy of Perfection itself). You don't have the Mechanics skill to shut down this security droid? Not a problem, get your phone out and have somebody walk you through it. Don't know what's up with all these paintings of weird masks? That's OK, your roommate loves that dumb shit.

(This is not intended as a blanket "use instead of your shitty skills" skill; no amount of advice is going to get you past a sleeping guard if your Skulduggery is a 1, and your contacts are no more infallible or unselfish than you are.)

If there's anything I've missed or you have any other questions, shoot.



"Grunkrieg here. Hope you've all healed well, because if we don't get you back on TV soon we're all going to be in breach of contract. They're pretty serious about that pound of flesh thing. There have been a few, uh, what's the term... right. Inadequately Prepared Expeditions lately, so we've actually got more sites than squads on the table right now. Take your pick:

A: Some kind of trouble on, or maybe in or under Mt. Hood... out west in Cascadia. Dragons maybe, or some kind of infiltration from our ever-peaceful northern neighbors. Crossing the Rocks around Mt. Hood is getting to be a pain in the ass, and Cascadia needs as many merchant routes as it can get.

B: Dwarven ruins under Klugman's Dome down south in the Smokies. Probably just a basic retrieval gig, gather up the loot and go home. Some kind of old urban legend about a devil and a massacre in the briefing here, but who believes in that shit? Oh, and some kind of cursed hammer they want taken down there and destroyed in the very fires which created yada yada.

C: As you know, our border with San Huitzilopochtli — forgive my pronunciation — is less than entirely secure, but Texico is more than capable of handling their own problems with hostiles. Problem is, a recent kerfuffle with some giants has turned the official border crossing into a tunnel. Not in itself a problem, except for all the stirges. Texicans don't like fights they can't win from 500 yards by leaning on a trigger, so somebody needs to get in there and sort things out for them. Might actually be some refugees still stuck in there if you're in a do-gooder sort of mood.

Let me know within the week or there's gonna be trouble. Louie loves ya, but he loves having two hands even more."

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by [UNWANTED GRUNTING]

what kind of strength check do I need to push those giant statues over

You would need a Fitness check of, oh, I don't know, 25

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Hawkeye produced less than .5 deaths. All enemies are still alive, unbloodied, and in the same places indicated on the most recent map. Scouts A, B, and C are prone. GO AHEAD DAUNTLESSLY!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Sven has Overcharged 4 distinct lies: one of them is true. 1d4 says:

RESOLVED! Fort does, canonically, contain vast riches which will kill Dvergar if the Dvergar make eye contact. Dvergar, canonically, have not noticed these riches.

25% chance that the True Lie has a vexingly ironic twist. 1d4 says:

Vexing Irony check result: positive. You are hereby warned.

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